Smoke and Mirrors (DE)

25. From a distance

Joseph bobbed his head to the beat of the music, Ether— Nas played mildly over the home speaker system as he sat at the dinner table with a lit blunt hanging from the corner of his lips puffing on it. In front of him he'd laid a towel down as to not ruin the expensive CB2 dining table, and on top two disassembled handguns, his personal favorites— the classic Glock 9mm and a HK45 that cartridges a .45 caliber bullet that can blow a hole through you so big you could see out the other side.

Picking up a wire bristle brush he grabbed the upper of his Glock and scrubbed the inside of the barrel as he cleaned and greased his weapons doing the required maintenance on them though he hadn't had to use them in a while but the way he'd been feeling the past few days, if you came at him in the slightest of the wrong way he might.

Taking the blunt from his mouth, he blew smoke out holding the barrel up towards the light examining it as if it were some type of piece of art work. His bicep burned just from holding his arm up as he'd just finished an intense workout in his home gym, his veins still bulging in his hands and arms from his elevated blood pressure. He'd been in the house practically losing his mind doing any and everything to keep himself busy and his mind off of Grace. The ironic part of it all was that her absence hasn't done anything but make him angrier, mainly at himself for messing up his own engagement.

Joseph had been like a walking ticking time bomb the past couple days and everyone had been steering clear of him except Verna, his estate keeper— she was the one keeping him alive  making sure he was eating and drinking water and keeping up with the home while Grace was away. Working for Joseph and being in close proximity with him everyday she'd grown to know the kind, loving and funny Joseph under his hard tough exterior. His anger didn't phase her, she didn't pay him much mind when he got in one of his moods and worked around him.

The hardest part about giving Grace space was actually leaving her alone. Joseph practically stalked her social media checking his phone every hour to watch her stories, see what she was doing and who she was with as they were keeping phone contact very limited. It was taking everything in him not to blow up her phone or pull up on her wherever she was at like he used to and just throw her over his shoulder and force her to come home. He was actually trying to be good, trying to prove to her he could have self control by giving her space like she wanted and not acting crazy like he normally does but inside he was dying— he wanted to throw a fit, yell and break stuff until she gave in and came and babied him like she always had done except this time she made it very clear she wouldn't be doing that anymore. That exact behavior was why they were in that very predicament now.

Joseph was so used to everyone kissing his ass and being able to do and talk to people however he wanted because everyone feared him and what he was capable of but he'd met his match in a woman— a 5"2' 120 pound woman at that.

Joseph had the upmost respect for Grace for her being able to love him— he was an angry, broken and imperfect man but she still handled him with such grace, tender love and care just like she'd always had since they very first met. Grace is his own earthly guardian angel, that's why he was going to do anything in his power to fix the problem he'd made because he couldn't stand to lose her again. She is his bestfriend, his main confidante and a part of him felt like it was missing when she was gone. There is no sunshine when she's gone.

Grace is his sanctity, his comfort and peace— she's the only one able to extinguish the raging fire in his soul. Grace was right, he was so used to her always coddling him and accepting his raging outbursts since they first got together years ago that it had become okay in his mind because he knew she would forgive him for his unhealthy behavioral tendencies.

Grace was partly to blame for it because she too loved him so unfathomably much that he could do not wrong in her eyes. When they were younger the toxicity was cute, she secretly liked when he used to act crazy over her, pop up on her and threaten to shoot the club she was in up if she didn't talk to him but they'd gotten older, she didn't find that cute or amusing anymore. She was getting to the age where she yearned for a happy, peaceful, and healthy relationship. She didn't want to be like Dre and Prie always breaking up and fighting with each other so much that it had become normal for them and it felt off if they didn't but that was like asking for ice water in hell with Joseph because anger and violence is all Joseph had ever known his whole life, he didn't know any better.