Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 148

Katniss

It only took a few hours for us to arrive back home. After my mother passed, we were told that she had requested to be moved back to 12 with us -- to be buried with my sister and father, reunited at last. Although both the bodies of my sister and father were never really identified, I like to think that they rest in the meadow as well. 

Funerals have never been grand events in our district. Countless people died every day, there was no time, resources, or money to plan them. If anything, remaining family members and friends would gather with flowers and words of remembrance or comfort. This is what my mother would have wanted anyways, I know. 

My mother kept to herself often. Other than her patients, I'm not sure who she talked to. I feel guilty knowing that my mother was likely alone in the Capitol. I kick myself for not going to visit her more but we both knew that the presence of the other reminded us of our ever painful past. I tell myself it was better this way. 

Still, I ask Haymitch and Effie to accompany me and my family to my mother's final resting place in the meadow, underneath a beautiful willow tree. Peeta holds my hand the whole way over and Haymitch entertains the kids, swinging them around and picking them up onto his back. He makes them laugh and I'm grateful for it. Effie is sure to supply the most beautiful bouquet of flowers she can find on such short notice. 

The mood is light as we walk but there's no arguing the sorrow in the air that we all feel. It's never fun attending a funeral, especially not if it's a loved one's. Peeta reminds me that we're here to celebrate her life -- her long life at that. I know it's true and I know that she lived far longer than she would have if things were the same as they were when Snow was still in power. But it doesn't make the sting of losing your last childhood family member hurt any less. 

"I love you," Peeta whispers to me as we come up on the clearing before the meadow. I squeeze his hand three times back in reply. It's times like this that I'm so thankful for him. He knows me better than anyone on this Earth, though Willow certainly thinks that title belongs to her. I watch her skip in circles around her uncle Haymitch. She's such a curious girl, filled with so much life, wonder, and joy. She looks so much like me but she marks no resemblance of my childhood self. She's everything I wasn't and I'm forever thankful for it. I'm thankful that she gets to grow up in a world that encourages joy rather than stifling it like a candle flame. She doesn't have to worry. She doesn't have to fear. And that is all I could ever want for my children. 

We spread the flowers on my mother's grave and each say our soft goodbyes. At home, Peeta cooks a grand meal of my mother's favorite broccoli beef stew and fresh bread. Effie brings her finest wine, Haymitch chocolates for the kids, and we dine together as a family. In the warm kitchen light, surrounding by soft laughter from my loved ones, I feel content. These people before me, they're truly the only ones who matter. My family. Everything I hold dear sits in this room and despite the circumstances of today, I am happy. 

When the wine is gone and the fireplace dies out, our guests leave and we put the kids to bed. I immediately fall sleepily into Peeta's arms and close my eyes. 

"How are you holding up?" he asks, gently braiding strands of my hair. 

I turn to look at him and put my hand on his face, taking in his sparkling blue eyes and soft jawline.

"I'm okay," I whisper. "Sad but okay. I'm glad to have you and the kids. . .And Haymitch and Effie too I suppose."

He laughs and pulls me closer, the warmth of his body radiating off of him. 

"I love you," he says. 

I kiss his cheek and say, "I love you too. So much." 

We fall asleep in each other's arms but sleep is not peaceful tonight.