So Close (Book 1)

Chapter 32

NAT'S POV

I saw steel blue eyes peek from the windows. Tapos, sinandal niya ang noo niya sa window. 

I knew who he was. 

Bryce. 

 After some seconds, narinig kong bumukas yung pinto. I closed my eyes. 

I heard something move sa side ng kama ko. Then, the foam sighed. Umupo siya. 

"Love?"

He cleared his throat.

"Love, just hang on, okay? Take care of our babies. Wag ka nang pumasok sa clinic mo. Just take care of yourself and our babies."

Tumahimik siya. I could feel him watching me. 

Walang mentions ng divorce. 

Talagang ayaw niyang pirmahan. 

I felt him touch my cheek. Seconds after, nag-click ang pinto.

I opened my eyes and waited. Nang walang pumasok, I closed them again. 

For once, hindi ko siya narinig mag-I love you.

...

I woke up again and found Ollie sitting on the chair beside my bed. Nanonood siya ng football sa TV. 

"Manchester United wins again!" 

"WHOOOOO!" 

I chuckled. "Ang ingay mo pala manood. Nagagalit mga anak ko sayo." I said. 

I placed a hand on my belly. Hindi ko na kailangan tanungin. Alam kong kasama ko pa ang mga anak ko. Sa pag-ikot ba naman nila, as if I won't notice they're there.

Lumingon si Ollie. "Hey. Sorry, guys. Maganda kasi ang game na pinapanood ng tito niyo." He winked at me. "Baka pag lumabas na kayo at manood kasama ko, sisigaw rin kayo."

 I sighed. "Ollie, I have a question for you."

He leaned on his chair. "Sure. Fire away."

I faced him fully. "Kailan mo narealize na mahal mo ako?" 

He bit into his lip, looked at his shoes, then back at me. "When I saw you again after all these years."

"So that's it?"

He shook his head. Kumunot yung noo niya. "I knew I liked you even before that. Kaso hindi ako sigurado sa nararamdaman ko. Maybe... I liked you but it was close to nothing. I don't know! I just liked you!"

I closed my eyes. "Ollie, ikinahihiya mo ba ang mga naramdaman mo sa akin noon?"

It took a moment for him to answer. "Yes."

"Because I'm a nerd."

"No."

I opened my eyes. Bryce didn't want me because I was a nerd. Kung nagustuhan naman ako ni Ollie kahit nerd ako, what's the reason kung bakit hindi siya sigurado sa feelings niya?

"Then, what?"

He stood and looked out of the window. "Bryce and I had been friends for fifteen years. We shared the same high school, the same college and the same company. But what we never shared... Was a girl.

"And, frankly, ni isa sa mga gusto, no one loved me back. Taylor was in love with Bryce and not me. Ginawa niya lang akong tulay. And that hurt me so much that I decided to like you."

I didn't flinch. I didn't cringe. I just opened my eyes at tumingin lang ako sa kanya. 

"And I was so ashamed. I was so ashamed that I diverted my attention. One minute I was so hurt and the next, I wanted payback. Gusto makahanap ng isang taong magmamahal sa akin. And, I realized, kung pinakita ko sayong gusto kita, mapapamahal ka rin sa akin. And you'd leave that hero-worshipping of yours kay Bryce.

"And it started. I started to think na gusto kita. And maybe it got the best of me too. Hindi mo nga ako napansin and I started to pursue you all the more. At nang hindi mo ako pinansin, I felt disgusted with myself. As much as I tried to make it go away, I just realized that I couldn't. And I liked you. I liked you from that day on."

He turned to me now. "And when I saw you after all these years, parang bumalik lang ang mga nararamdaman ko. Pero mas tumindi. I didn't realize that I even liked you that much. And you never knew how much I wanted you after I saw you again.  You never saw how much I liked and loved you when you started hanging out with me."

It was true. We did hang out. Kaming dalawa lang. For me, it was just a normal friendly-hang out. Pero para sa kanya, baka date na. 

He took a seat on the same chair. "Listen, Nat--"

"Bakit mo ako mahal?" I asked him. 

With that, he smiled fondly at me. "I love you because you're perfect." he said without a moment's hesitation. 

I shook my head at him. Gumalaw ang twins sa tiyan ko. Perhaps they were feeling the same thing about what I feel.

"Ollie, you don't love somebody because they're perfect. You love somebody because they make you feel perfect." I said. 

Umupo ako at linagay ko ang kamay ko sa knees niya. "Ollie, I'm not the woman for you. I want you to see that. Ikaw ang best friend ni B-- best friend ko at ayaw kitang sinasaktan."

He opened his mouth to speak pero I shook my head. "Alam kong sasabihin mo na I'm hurting you this way. The truth is, I know and I'm just helping you avoid hurting more. I... I can't love my best friend. Mahirap kasi. Your friendship means a lot to me. Pag naging tayo, baka marami lang masira sa relationship natin. So, what do you say?"

He looked at me. In his eyes... In his eyes were emotions na akala kong hindi ko makikita sa mga mata ng isang lalaki. He was sad, happy, lonely, angry, and... in love.

He opened his mouth again to speak pero bumukas ang pinto. Dumating ang doctor and he was smiling. 

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Ross, Mr. Thompson."

We both gave a nod sa doctor. 

"Mrs. Ross had been checked out. Pwede na po siyang umuwi."

I turned back to Ollie, who was smiling at me. "I'm going to take you back home."

And somehow, I knew that whatever I said, it made sense kay Ollie.

...

Ollie was kind enough to leave me at my own peace. He left me as soon as he brought me back kasi mas gusto ko na lang mag-isa. It had been a long day at hindi lang ako kawawa. Pati sina babies ko, kawawa na rin. 

So I settled on the sofa and closed my eyes. And when I opened them, it was already morning. 

Gumalaw ang twins sa tiyan ko. I placed a hand on top of my stomach. "Babies, kakain na si mommy. Wag na masyado magulo, okay?"

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo at nagstretch lang ng konti. Then, I went to the kitchen. Nagprepare ako ng breakfast ko ng Coco Crunch Duo at bumalik sa sala. I returned to my seat at kinalkal ko ang remote sa may lalagyan kasama ang mga CD ko. I touched the remote and heaved it out nang may kasamang nahulog.

I picked it up. 

CCTV ni Bryce at Stella.