Illicit Affairs (Andy Barber x OC)

7 - Decisions

Rose was in no hurry, but found her steps quickening the closer she got to their usual meeting point. The sooner this was over with, the better. She just needed an answer.

Would he acknowledge their child?

Rose had already made the executive decision that she had to keep it. If she could no longer have the man she'd fallen in love with, then she at least had some part of him left. Already she knew that Andy would tell her it was a bad idea. It was the worst possible time for it to happen as well, but it couldn't be helped.

Well. It could have been if they'd been more careful, but instead they'd been reckless.

She wasn't going to ask him for money. She'd ask for nothing. Just his acknowledgement would be enough for her to live with.

The likely scenario that would play out was that he'd tell her he couldn't leave Laurie anymore, and that this had to end. She'd accepted that it was over, but still there was some tiny amount of hope that he'd tell her he'd up and leave his family. They could get out of Boston and away from it all, and live happily.

Just the three of them.

It would never happen though. She needed to finally wake up and accept that he'd always be out of her reach, even when he was so near.

Reaching the parking lot, she saw that the Audi wasn't there, and a slight panic grew inside of her.

Would he show?

Had he decided to just cast her aside now he knew of this? The possibilities of his lateness or potential no show were swirling around in her mind.

She paced until finally the familiar headlights of the Audi appeared and shone on her momentarily as he drove in and parked up. Rose walked over and got into the passenger side, closing the door and not wanting to look at him, even though she could sense his eyes burning on her.

Andy rubbed his temples and stared ahead into the darkness outside. "You're sure?" was the first thing that he said to her, and was met with Rose producing five pregnancy tests and passing them to him. All of which were positive.

He exhaled loudly and said nothing for a few moments. "This couldn't have come at a worse time, how the hell could we have let this happen?"

She swallowed and kept her gaze focused on her lap, as though she should be ashamed. But they'd both been part of this. Both of them had the responsibility. "Would you have preferred it if I had said nothing and then turned up in 8 months with a baby demanding child maintenance?" Her words were a little bitter, but it was the truth. She was being considerate, not asking for anything - some may have demanded the whole world and more. This was easier for him than it was for her in some ways.

"That's not what I meant."

"So what did you mean?" She now looked at him, and wished she hadn't. Every time she did, she fell in love with him just that little bit more. Even now. "I'm not asking for you to leave Laurie anymore, I'm not asking for money. All I'm asking is that you accept that this baby is yours." By now her voice was cracking. She'd struggled to stay strong, but really she was falling apart. "Please Andy..." It came out as barely a whisper.

His hand found hers and fingers entwined with one another's. Andy's grip tightening and then bringing his lips to her knuckles. "You know I'd never turn my back on you."

Rose could feel a 'but' coming.

"We'll figure this out, but at this moment in time? I can't leave my family – you know the situation is serious..."

"I'm not asking you to."

"I know, but I wish I could. I should've walked earlier and that's my mistake. Perhaps then we wouldn't be in this mess."

If Laurie found out about this then she'd go mad. Already she wasn't coping but finding out that he'd fathered a child from an affair that was still going on? It would push her over the edge. He couldn't afford for her to become any more unstable than she was already becoming. Plus, it would mean that everyone would find out, the press would use it against them, and it would be brought up during the trial because they'd always try to use something as ammunition. And what better than his affair?

He couldn't allow that to happen. Even just coming here to meet Rose had been dangerous enough.

But he was torn.

He loved Rose, but his duty was to Jacob.

A single tear ran down her cheek as she realised what she had to do.

She had to give him up.

Her hand dropped his. "So let me make it easier for you..." and then she got out of the car. Turning and beginning to walk away.

"Rose!" Andy called as he jumped out and ran to catch up with her, grabbing her and pulling her back. "We can work this out." Who was he kidding? They were ruined, but he wasn't prepared to give up on her. "We can work it out..." he said and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her hard and not caring whether anyone just happened to go past and see them.

Andy had such a hold over her that even in the more dire of situations, he could somehow always make her feel like there was all the hope in the world. She all but melted into him as he held her with the desperate kiss to keep them together.

"I love you." He told her as he broke away.

"I know...I love you too, more than anything – and that's why I have to let you go..." She choked out.

The colour began to drain from her world, everything that had been so vibrant before now turning to grey. Forever anonymous. That was how she'd always remain to everyone but him.

Rose didn't look back as she left, she couldn't. It would kill her just that little bit more.