04 | could be worse.

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chapter four.
could be worse.

could be worse

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I woke up the next morning with dread pooling in my stomach and my eyes sore. I wanted more than anything to just pull the covers back over my head and sleep forever, but doing that was impossible, and even attempting to do so would land me in trouble I wasn't willing to face under any circumstances.

I hobbled my way out of bed, slowly rising to my feet and heading straight to my closet. I pulled out a random graphic t-shirt and a pair of old, faded jeans, having absolutely no energy to even think of a nicer looking outfit. That morning I was focused on doing the bare minimum—it was all I could really handle, honestly.

My shower felt colder than usual. I stared at my feet and let the water run down on me for much too long, my mind replaying words and images from the night before that I just wanted to forget about, but they plagued my mind and wouldn't leave, no matter what I did. My head was a thunderous ocean, twirling around, chaotic as all can be. I yearned for still, serene waters for just a small glimpse of time, a sliver of hope. Instead, the water was wavy and rough, the sky dark and the air cold.

My shower alarm went off, making me jump slightly. I quickly recovered and turned the metal knobs, the water falling down from the nozzle quickly stopping and the centimeter of liquid that was pooled at the bottom disappeared down the drain. Metal scratched angrily against metal as I tore the shower curtain open and reached a hand out towards my phone to silence my alarm. I quickly towelled off and slipped into my clothing as swift as possible, wanting to leave the house as fast as I could to avoid seeing and talking to my parents, because my dad would be getting up any minute to get ready for work and my mom for her morning cigarette before kissing Dad goodbye once he was ready to leave the house.

I was tying my black tennis shoes up onto my feet when I heard the door down the hall open and the sound of footsteps and hushed voices filled the hallway. A pang of nerves hit me like a bullet. I looked away from my door and continued tying my shoes until I was finished, next pulling on a light jacket to shelter myself from the slight morning chill of January in California.

I slung my backpack around my back, slipped my lanyard with my school ID on it over my head so it rested around my neck, and exited my room, closing the door quietly behind me. I followed the sound of quiet murmuring coming from downstairs and lightly tread down the steps, coming to a halt at the bottom.

"Kyran?"

I heard my name being called from the kitchen, where my parents could just barely see me from around the corner. I sighed quietly before turning around and heading into the room, my head exploding into billions of different thoughts and worries about what the pair could possibly need me for.

"Yes?" I leaned against the threshold and kept my eyes trained on the tiled floor that hadn't been scrubbed for years. Probably for my entire lifetime, honestly.

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