Hold Me Now

Chapter 27: Home

He feels like he's been at war with Rambo. His head hurts like a beast. And his mouth tastes full of used kitty litter, not that he knows what it tastes like. But Dutch does. Poor, dumb, drunken Dutch. Everything feels like a shit sandwich. Plus he's naked. How the hell did he get naked? The only thing he can remember is going downstairs and eating and drinking... a lot. A whole lot of whiskey, which he never drinks. It's clear to him now, this very reason is why he never drinks the strong stuff.

Prying his eyes open, which is hard, he saw Ava and began to cry. The alcohol-induced happiness he borrowed has worn off. Now his life is back to shit. And it hurts. He turned his face away from her and wept. How can she love the mess he is?

In the blink of an eye, Ava got up and discreetly put the wedding band in her purse. The whole time thinking, oh no! I've broken him. He must have realized she took his ring and is now disgusted with her. So disgusted it's brought him to tears. She needs to explain. Coming back over to the bed, she sat on its edge. "Johnny," she said with a quiet voice. If his head feels like hers, then quiet is a good thing. She softly spoke his name again.

He muttered something unintelligible. Going around to the other side of the bed, where he's looking, she sat down. Trying to turn away, she wouldn't let him. "Johnny I know why you're crying."

Of course, she'd know why. She always knows everything about him. "Yeah, cause I suck at life. At everything." He closed his eyes so she can't see him.

Wait! That's why he's upset? He's back to negative self-talk and feeling down on himself. A weight lifted off her tiny shoulders. This just won't do. "Honey, Johnny. You're amazing. Look at all of what you've accomplished this year alone." She saw him open his eyes. "First you finally broke out of an unstable relationship, over the summer. Then you got brave and talked to me again. You asked me out, opened your heart up, gave me this promise bracelet." Her mind wandered. Is it a promise bracelet anymore? It's more like the real thing now. 

She took a breath and continued recalling all of his worthy accomplishments. "You made all A's in math and English literature. You're rebuilding that car in shop class, from the ground up. That's something not many people can do. You helped the soccer team score victory after victory. And the greatest thing of all, you scored thirteen hundred on your SATs. That's all impressive! Just look at all of the potential swirling around in your brain and capable heart. Look at all of the impossible things you made possible." She took his warm hand in hers. 

With a light squeeze of his hand, and a glance into his expectant eyes, she continued talking. "Don't let this tournament and your horrible sensei beat you down. You're more than that. I will tell you so every day if I need to. I'll remind you of this until you get sick of it and it becomes a part of you. You're going to own your own dojo one day, not because of how many karate trophies you've won, but because of your never quitting attitude. By the skin of your teeth and the sweat of your brow, you will make it happen." She leaned down and kissed his hand. Then kissed him to punctuate her statement. 

They got so into the kiss, that it was hard to stop. Part of Ava wanted to tell him to keep going. He's her husband, they can do that now. But he pulled away. "I'm naked under here," he told her. Yep. She knows. She saw it all last night and remembers everything little thing, in vivid detail. But does he remember? 

Staring at her, he asked, "How did I get naked?" He must have been really drunk.

Oh gosh. What does she tell him? The truth. She had planned to speak the truth and she will. Opening her mouth, he cut her off. "I was really drunk out of my mind, wasn't I? I'm pretty sure I got naked and passed out. I just hope I didn't do anything really crazy, like the last time I got drunk. The last time I got drunk I sang the Piña colada song, at the top of my lungs like a pussy, to Jimmy's mom. To this day she still gives me weird looks, so does his dad."