Write Or Fight

Day 23

Written by danielpawelthelarry

harry,
my behavior was unacceptable?! i told you i wanted space and what did you do? you blew up my phone. i did fuck all wrong in this situation, all i did was take some time to think about the situation. you're the one hiding shit from me. did you think i wouldn't find out? what was the plan? you'd kiss her and never tell me about it? really smart love, have to applaud you on that one.

i don't have to give you the benefit of the doubt. i don't have to do shit, i wasn't the one caught kissing another person. by the way, we've had conversations about this stuff, if it's not within the contract, it's fucking cheating. WE agreed on that.

you think seeing you with another person didn't fucking shatter me? how dare you make yourself into the fucking victim, blaming me for having high expectations of you? yeah, we're supposed to be in a fucking committed relationship. so pardon me if i'm fucking mad at you right now.

fuck honestly harry? i don't know what to say. i'm so pissed off at you, but i'm also just upset. i've opened up so much to you in these letters, this was supposed to be about us having no more secrets. yet here you were, keeping shit from me.

i don't have to tell you i love you. it should be proof enough with how upset and mad i am about the situation. you are an arrogant son of a bitch, but fuck does it hurt to not love you.

harry i cant have you hiding shit from me, it makes you look guilty. there's a part of me that believes you wouldn't do that to me without a motive behind it. yet, you can't blame me for that part of me that won't believe you. it hurts and hurts and hurts.

i'm just fucking hurt harry.

louis.

Written by itstilliswhatitis

Lou,

I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you but I did and I'm devastated.

I panicked. I'm sorry for blowing up your phone but I can't cope when you shut me out like that. I guess that's something I have to work on.

I didn't lie. I withheld information that I knew would hurt you. I should have just told you. I promise that I will from now on.

It breaks my heart that you feel like I cheated. It meant nothing! I know that it wasn't in the contract, that I wasn't supposed to kiss her but I have already explained why I did it.

I'm not trying to make myself the victim, I just don't want the silent treatment. I can't stand it. I can give you space if that's what you need, now when we at least have talked about it even if it's not over the phone.

You don't trust me? You really think I would hurt you on purpose? I'm sorry that I hurt you, darling. I can't stop crying.

I don't know what to say, Louis. How can I make it better? Please! I'll do anything! I love you so much.

Harry

Written by danielpawelthelarry

harry,
how can you make this better ? just fucking love me. i'm fucking falling apart without you. you took a month away from me, that hurts. you needed space from me, you wanted to be away from me for a month because you hated being in the same room as me. that fucking hurt. it was partly my fault though so it was something i could deal with.

but this wasn't my fault. this felt like a dagger to the chest. i haven't left my bed in days and i'm lost. none of this makes sense and i just wish i never knew at this point. i cant hear you voice right now harry, i cant even look at you. it just makes me cry.

i don't trust you? no, that's where i got burned. i DID trust you, and look where that got me. i poured my heart into our letters, it felt safe, like it was me and you against the world, like i had nothing to be afraid of when i was with you. yet here i am again, and i'm afraid harry. i'm fucking terrified because i don't know what is happening between us anymore. i've always been self conscious, you know that i never feel good enough for you. this really doesn't help. i'm afraid i'm losing you.

i don't know what to believe harry. i'm so tired of this.

i'm going out. bye.

louis.

Written by itstilliswhatitis

I do love you! You mean everything to me. How can one mistake make you believe that I don't love you when I have spent years showing you that I do? I have loved you since I was sixteen! More and more each day. How can you question that?

I know that I have been selfish, leaving you for a month, but I couldn't breathe Louis. We fought so much. That doesn't mean that I don't love you, that I stopped loving you.

It seems like everything I do is hurt you. I'm so fucking sorry, love.

How can I fix this? How can I make you believe me when I say that it was a stunt? Can I have Jeff confirm it? What do you need, Louis? How can I make this right?

You know me! I'm still the same boy that fell in love with you ages ago. It is you and me against the world and I poured my heart out as well in our letters. Are our relationship that fragile that one mistake means that you don't trust me at all? I know you're hurt but that fucking hurts too.

You don't have to be self-conscious when it comes to me. You are good enough. You are better than me. You are everything to me and I could never walk away, for real because I love you so much that I can't picture my life without you. You won't lose me, unless you push me away, unless you don't want me anymore. Don't you want me?

Love you
Harry