Past or Now

Awake

Last said - Tammy - "Hey no no no no no don't get up yet sweetie you know not to. Just stay with me okay."

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TW - Talk about fainting/anxiety attack

You wake up on the floor just like before and realise it was all in your head and your chest pains from the thought. You keep your emotions in as much as you can though as Tammy is talking and you realised you're laying on someone's lap and have no clue who's it is. Tammy has your hand and is stroking it trying to tell you what happened and you're just thankful she was there. Not even for you but to calm everyone else down as you're always so worried to put that pressure of the unknown on others. It almost feels like a burden and you know and are told that it's out of your hands but it still feels like your fault. It's not the first time this has happened and probably won't be the last but you've accepted that and these things to you are just part of you.

You have a thing called vasovagal synscope where you have episodes where you pass out. It's purely just brought on by overstimulation of something that's worrying or uncomfortable to you and then your body and nervous system just reacts and you pass out. It's just an added part of your anxiety and as you've grown, you've learnt to control it more and know when you feel the symptoms. However this one... it just came on so quickly that you tried to help yourself get stable somewhere but it took over you too fast.

As you slowly sit up you realise you were on Lous lap and now you feel so worried. First you were confessing your love for each other and then it was all in your head, and now she probably thinks you're a freak... great. You don't want her to ever be worried for you and so to know she probably was by the look on her face you get a bit on edge as your worry grows and you hide behind your hair. You look behind you to see no Rose and Debbie and as you turn back Tammy explains that they went inside once she told them it wasn't serious and she had it. She tells you that you were in Lous arms then you collapsed fully so they both just stayed and spoke to you.

Great to make matters worse Lou had to go and catch you. You probably looked horrible unconscious and now she probably wants nothing to do with you. I mean who would want someone that is incapable of handling stressful situations and can cause scenes by fainting anytime. That's embarrassing.

Y/n - "Uh... I umm... I'm sorry I umm-"

Tammy - "No hunny don't do that you know you can't help it. Now let's get up and inside, your arms are freezing. "

As they help you up slowly Lou takes off her jacket and places it around you and they both take you inside. This warms you slightly that she would do that for you but you still feel so embarrassed. As you sit down Debbie comes over with a drink and Rose looks startled.

Debbie - "Hey you! Umm here have this and do you need anything to eat or are you okay?"

You shake your head and thank her for the water.

Tammy - "When's the last time this has happened huh?"

You can't help but laugh slightly as she was always the one who helped.

Y/n - "A while..."

You hold your head as it feels heavy after walking a bit and close your eyes.

Tammy - "Oh hunny I'm sorry I know it's not a great feeling. Do you feel tired or anything we can take you upstairs?"

Y/n - "Uh no I'll be okay. Can I umm speak to Rose please? Umm alone"

They all agree abruptly and head out and you gesture for her to come over to you. If you can't face Lou right now without feeling embarrassed maybe talking to Rose is the best thing for you right now.