CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
point of view | zayne ali
...
"it was pissing me off," yasmine ranted, "i dont know. i hate when i do stupid things. i know better, ya know?"
i nodded and took a bite of my burrito. yasmine requested me to drive the two of us to a mexican restaurant for dinner.
"i dont handle situations like that well," she added, "i was sheltered and not in touch with my emotions well. little things trigger the water works."
"you cried?" i asked taking another bite.
she blushed embarrassed and glared at me, "i mean yeah."
"im not judging you," i defended myself, "i understand i guess. i got better at actually not caring anymore. back in like 10th grade i was super sensitive especially when it came to arguing. i would choke on the lump in my throat and everything." she took a sip of her drink and looked at me carefully as i continued, "it hard when you live a boring life. when little things get effected because of you its frustrating."
"yeah," she agreed nodding her head smiling a little, "how did you fix it?"
"you need to stop telling yourself you dont care," i advised, "its not good for you. i used to try to convince myself i felt a certain way about things all the time. it fucks with your head."
she stared off for a moment before asking, "you loose a sense of whats real and whats not?"
"yes, exactly that," i answered, "its exhausting. its not good for you. really. we can work on it together."
"its a hard habit to break." she mumbled taking a bite of her burrito.
"you're telling me?" i asked her and she giggled.
"but yeah i was really mad." she said after a while.
"i know that overwhelming frustration. you dont want people to take time out of their lives to deal with a problem that you caused," i said and she nodded with an injured expression, "you hate how it had to be you. like you said ' you know better '. its like when the side character gets an episode of a show. fans of the protagonist hate it."
she blinked smiling, "i guess you could put it like that."
"i mean like theres nothing you can do about it," i told her, "its attention that you dont want. a problem you dont want."
"well yeah." she said after a moment.
"its weird saying this stuff out loud," i said after a while of us eating, "its weird to having someone to relate."
she smiled, "its nice."
"yeah," i agreed, "but its sad."
"i wish i had met you sooner." she said smiling at me.
i smiled at her words that made my skin warm, "same here."
"did you have to go through that alone?" she asked tilting her head a little.
my stomach churned at her words.
"she was referring to my scars." i concluded.
"yeah," i answered her quietly, "i was really upset and i jus lost sense of everything. i was so tired."
she gave me an injured expression, "im proud you overcame that."
i smiled at her, "yeah, me too."
her gaze fell to my exposed wrist sitting on the table. i shifted in my seat but didnt remove my arm from the table.
"how old were you?" she asked looking up from the table to meet my gaze.
"16," i answered her, "beginning of my junior year."
she frowned looking at her food, "are things any better? like honestly?"
"yes," i admitted, "thanks to you."
"yeah," i told her, "they are a lot better. it took so long to get out of the hell i was living."
"how?" she asked sitting up, "how did you manage it? what did you do?"
"its honestly what you did," i thought admiring her, "you chose to sit next to me."
"i didnt do anything," i shrugged, "a person thought it was a good idea to sit next to me at lunch."
she smiled at me, "really?"
"really." i answered her.
"im glad i could do that for you." she said smiling.
"i would like to do the same for you." i responded taking a sip of my drink.
she blushed and blinked, "i-i dont know if thats possible. and plus things aren't bad. they jus could be better."
"i thought the same too," i told her reaching over and grabbing her free hand in mine, "you jus need to find your person. they'll help you out a lot. they talk to you and let you know you're not alone. soon you'll stop overthinking about them and your feelings. you wont have to pretend. you wont have to convince yourself. you'll be happy with your reality."
...
my hand pulled on the interiors car door handle and it shut. ruffling sounded causing me to glance at yasmine who was holding a bag in her hands. i blushed at it noticing it was a gift for me.
"happy birthday!" she exclaimed smiling at me.
i laughed and extended my open palm where she placed the bag, "t-thank you."
she smiled at me and nodded thinning her lips to a line, "of course. i didnt know when to give it to you."
i smiled, "you bought me dinner. you didnt have to do this."
"i did," she argued, "you were also a therapist for me today."
i chuckled and pulled out the blue tissue paper and noticed a black box sitting at the bottom of the bag. i reached my forearm into the bag and pulled the box out and glanced at yasmine who was eagerly waiting for me to open it. my thumb pushed against the small opened and it opened slowly. my eyes fixated on a silver bracelet.
"similar to the one she has." i noticed taking it out of the box.
"its like the one i have," she whispered excitedly, "you said liked silver so i bought it for you. do you like it?"
"yeah," i answered smiling, "can you um ..."
"ill help you put it on," she said quickly taking it from my hands and un clipping it before slowly hooking it back but around my wrist.
i smiled at her then at my arm. holding my arm a certain way allowed the bracelet to fully cover my scar.
"so if i ever do it again ill have to think about her before doing it." i realized. my gaze turned to her and she smiled looking at it, "but now that i have her i wont have to."
...
authors note: writing this oct 25. i finished mha and i wanna cry bc i have to wait until next year to finish it.
