Choices [ENG]

6.

After a few days, Tommy joins me in the fucking closet with some "news".
"Maria and I were thinking of giving you a real room where you could settle down properly and not a closet like this one; after all, you've been here for a while," he says. I hope he has noticed the grimace I made when he said his wife's name: I have not yet passed over that stunt from a few days ago. "Okay, that seems like a good idea," I reply, closing the book in front of me. "Kafka's trial?" He asks. "I read it in high school, it's not the best of fun," Tommy says. "Yes, I can confirm, but that's the only thing I can do while the others are out," I say. Tommy seems to be thinking about something in particular. I get out of bed, take what I can call "my things" and follow Tommy to a shared dormitory. "For now your room is single but we will try to find you a roommate," he says. "It's not strictly necessary" I say between the deepest sincerity and sarcasm. Tommy will do it right.

It is a room neither too big nor too small. There are two single beds, one on the right and one on the left. In the center, a window stands out. For the rest, it is completely bare. I put my clothes and the book on the chair by the bed. "I have some free time, would you like to take two shots?" He asks. I answer yes and we go out together. Today I notice a great hustle and bustle in the streets of the city. "What happens?" I ask as we walk to the gym. "Suddenly the infected have increased and are getting too close to our walls. We fear that a group of people, maybe Fireflies, maybe Wolves, were moving and they were all infected," he says. "Is there anything to worry about?" I ask. "Not too much, we have already marked their advance and before they reach us, there are barriers and mine barriers," he explains. They are very organized, more than I imagined. "Were you organized like this at the bases of the Lights too?" he asks. "Why are you asking me so many questions about the Lights? Didn't you say you were a part of it too?" I ask as I open the two doors to the gym. "Yes, but a few things have changed since I was a part of it. You are definitely more up to date than I am" he says. "Anyway, no," I reply. As Tommy retrieves his weapons, I see several boys and girls fighting on the dais. Among them, I see Nick. It would have been better if I hadn't seen him, because I would like to go there and yell at him about what happened a few days ago. I really don't like it. Tommy comes back and we go to the targets. After a few shots, Jesse joins us and has to talk to Tommy. "Good morning Tommy, good morning Charlie," he says. Suddenly I blush, return the salute and shoot again. As Jesse and Tommy talk, I feel as if in awe and my hand shakes slightly. Will Jesse have this effect on me? Fortunately, he doesn't take long to leave.

After dinner, I go back to my new room, which I am really excited about. I take the book and continue reading it. It's 9pm when suddenly I hear a knock on the door. I wonder who it might be. "Come on!" I exclaim sitting on the bed. It's Ellie. "Hi," he says, raising his hand. "Hello" I reply surprised of his visit. "Are you alone in the room?" He asks. "Yeah," I reply. "I wanted to tell you sooner but right after dinner you ran away," she says. I hint at a laugh: the way he pronounced these words amuses me. "You're right, sorry," I say. "Don't worry. This Saturday, we're throwing a party to celebrate the fifth anniversary of Joel's and my arrival in Jackson. I'd love if you came too," he says shyly towards the end. "Okay, I'll be there," I reply with a hint of a smile. "Well, thanks" he exclaims. He is about to go but then stops. "Can I ask you something?" He asks. Intrigued, I answer yes. "With Nick, is everything okay? In the group, we have noticed that there is a bit of tension between you these days" he explains trying to look me in the face as much as possible. I would have preferred that he had asked me for anything else but NOT this. "Um, it's a bit complicated ..." I reply. "If you don't feel like ..." she begins but I interrupt her. "No, I don't feel like it." Ellie nods and this time closes the door behind her.

Do I feel guilty? Yes, a lot but I don't know how to deal with these situations. She offered me her help and I treated her like shit instead. This time I'm not going to sit idle. I get out of bed quickly, get out of my room and chase her. "Ellie! Wait!" I exclaim. She turns around. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't want to treat you like that! You offered to help me and ... I shouldn't have reacted like that, I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel bad, I don't want there to be tension between us. Please , forgive me. I assure you that if I heard it I would gladly tell you about it because anyway you seem like an okay person but now, I don't know ... I prefer to let it slip away with time and at the most, talk about it directly with him and ... and ... " . My words come out quickly one after the other and I wouldn't be surprised if Ellie didn't understand half a sentence. Instead, her expression gives me reassurance. "Okay, okay. I accept your apology. In fact, thank you for taking me so close to heart. Mine was obviously not an obligation, on the contrary, I was just trying to help you as you said but there is the fact that you still don't feel like opening up to us or me. Everything has its time. Quiet, but know that in any case, I'll be happy to hear from you" she says. I think it's the first time I've had such a human conversation with a person here. Ellie really hit me with her words and it's amazing how despite me have always treated like shit, they never gave up on me: it will be a shame to leave these people soon.