Choices [ENG]

3.

A couple of weeks have passed and my life, if you can define this cluster of days all the same and damn boring, is still chained here. It is 4 in the afternoon. Someone knocks at the door, when Claire has just finished disinfecting the wound from which she has already removed the stitches: it healed quickly. From the door, Tommy's head appears with a peculiar smile.

"What's happening to you this morning, Tom?" Claire asks in her usual accent. "I come from a beautiful evening ..." he says with a suspicious look. Claire and I understand right away, and I can't keep my mouth shut. "Was Maria in the mood?" I ask in an extremely intrusive way but I only realize it later. Nobody seems to have paid too much attention to it. Claire laughs and slaps me lightly on the arm. I withdraw it from the contact it has with my skin. Tommy ruffles my brown hair. "You're awake, little girl," he says as he gestures for Claire to leave the room. "How are you?" Ask me. "Well, much better than a few weeks ago," I reply. Tommy is the only one I have more confidence with, he has been very nice to me in this period but I have not stopped insulting him every now and then, when he deserves it, that's it. "Listen, Maria and I thought that, given that your conditions are improving, it would be time to introduce you to someone, to get out of here, to get you to do something not too tiring, what do you think?" he asks. "Did you talk about it yesterday while you were fucking?" I ask insolently. Tommy turns to me with a scolding look: okay, I really went further. I look down with embarrassment. Tommy forces a cough and then starts talking again. "After all, you've been here for almost a month and your leg is much better, believe ..." "Why should I be useful right now? I won't stay here longer than a few days and then I'll leave, alone ..." I say with a fit of anger generated by the strong embarrassment inside me. Tommy seems accustomed to my sudden changes of mood by now but it's as if he retreated so as not to be burned by the fire of my anger. "Have you still had panic attacks since the last time?" Asks how to change the subject. "No ..." I say "what do you care?" I continue abruptly. Tommy snorts. "Can you stop being a bitch for a second? Regardless of whether you want to or not, we've been hosting you for over a month and now you, in return, have to agree to do something for us. I don't seem to ask too much, or am I wrong? "he asks sternly but almost at the end of his strength. I look down again: maybe he is right. I remain silent, waiting for you to continue talking. "Tonight there is a little party which will also be attended by your peers, some you already know. I would be happy if you came and started to settle down," he says, without looking me in the face. This time I made him really angry and that saddens me. I nod without making a fuss. I want and have to leave as soon as possible but, unfortunately, I still need their help. So, for now, I'll be okay, but I don't know how long I can last.

It is already dark when Maria, Tommy and I head to the place of the "little party". The spring cold stings my skin and the wind brushes my hair, leaving it untidy. I can walk without difficulty, which helps to improve my slightest desire in reaching this place full of people, with whom I will be forced to converse. I look up and look at the spouses in front of me: Maria is holding Tommy arm in arm and sometimes romantic glances are thrown at each other. Blah, that sucks.

We arrive at the inn and a strong heat makes my eyes sting. There are a lot of people and the music that drives the dance of some of them is really loud. I remain attached to Tommy for longer than Maria, who soon gets lost talking to a lot of other people. I don't know how they can find pleasure in talking to someone like you. "Are you celebrating anything in particular?" I ask Tommy trying to overcome the excessive volume of the music. "Actually, no. It's just a way to get together for a while. Weren't you guys doing it at the base of the Lights?" He asks. I pretend I haven't heard and look around.

Suddenly, a more lively melody starts; several boys bow in front of a girl and then take their hand and take them to dance in the center of the room. On the sides of the track, there are friends who clap their hands in time and yell stuff of all kinds, I think I also hear something dirty; what a bother when they do that. Too caught up in the scene, I realize that I have lost sight of Tommy who I now notice is no longer on my right. So I start wandering around the room until I get to the counter where they distribute drinks. There I find Ellie, Jesse the savior, the girl who came to call them back when they were with me, and a couple of other guys who are about my age.