Weird Feelings (Phan)

Chapter 19

A/N: BEWARE: THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY SHITTY. I've had writers block, I had the plot and I also wasn't sure how to write this chapter so i had to edit the whole plot. It'll stil be the same ending but just not sure how this chapter is. It sucks, sorry. I'M SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT GUYS OMG I'M SO SORRY, IT'S BEEN 3 MONTHS. I've had a really bad time but I'm trying to write more. Thanks for reading this. It means a lot. <3

1 Year Later

*THE ROAD SO FAR* (hahaha i got that from supernatural obviously i didn't know what else to write ok i'm sorry keep reading)

Dan's life has been a suicide roller-coaster since the video incident. Olivia has been by his side, but she didn't know how much Phil still meant to him. 

Phil on the other hand hadn't seen the video. Rachel didn't tell him about it either, she knew he would be upset and he would hate himself for it. Instead she helped him forget completely about Dan and moved on, not necessarily in another relationship, but move on from Dan.

Dan still hasn't forgotten about Phil and how much he hurt him, but he has tried to stop loving him and is now in a relationship with Olivia. But, there is somethings Liv doesn't know about Dan, like the fact that he's stopped eating the day after Rachel called. And he is still not planning on telling her about Phil. Of course she knows now of who is he, just not anything else. Just that he's an existing being who was in a relationship with him. 

 Dan-

I was asked to meet up with Phil so we could do a session at a youtube gathering. I was honestly scared. Scared to see Phil, scared of him seeing me, I wasn't even sure what we were suppose to be talking about to the audience. We hadn't planned anything and this was all last minute. He hadn't even bothered to reach me, then again I haven't bothered reaching him either. If I were him I wouldn't even want to see my name pop up on his phone. Is it better this way? No, but I don't know what else to do.

We were leaving tomorrow, got the call last week, and they said Phil already agreed to do it. I couldn't not say no, but I'm really not sure about this. 

Liv was packing her stuff, her clothes. She needed to pack 10 pairs of everything because "what if the weather changes", "what this outfit gets ruined", "what if-" this', and "what if-'' thats. It was getting annoying, we were staying for three days, not two weeks. I couldn't be bothered to say anything though. I wasn't in the mood for conversation. Then again, when am I ever in the mood for conversation?

"Are you going to pack?" She said to my back, she was in the kitchen while I was laying on the couch watching tv. I wasn't really watching, just something to do, just something else to hear instead of Liv's voice. For a while. Just for a while. But it seemed that every time I turned the tv on or turned the volume up, she would start talking. Leave me alone for a few minutes. 

"Not yet." I turned it up again. 

"Why not?" 

I didn't feel like moving my mouth to explain why, it's a stupid question, it doesn't deserve to be answered. If anything it deserves a stupid answer. "Because."

"Because why?" She sat on the end of the couch where my legs were. No actually, she sat ON my legs. 

Instead I decided she wasn't going to get anymore words from me, I'm to damn tired to talk to her about stupid shit that isn't worth conversation. I can't even remember the time we even had a normal conversation. 

"What's wrong with you?" She snapped standing up.

"You."

"Excuse me?" 

"You make me miserable."

"I never offered to live here, do you think I wanted to move in? Why is everything my fault? I SAVED YOUR LIFE YOU TWAT!" She stomped out the door with her keys and wallet. 

Of course. That was her reason for everything, "I saved your life." Did I ask you to do it? No, If you hadn't come into my room I would have been perfectly fine. And I never would have met her. 

But part of what she said was right, she didn't offer to live with me, I offered her. And now I'm thinking, "why would I ever want that?" She's miserable, she's annoying, she's bitchy, and she listens to horrible music. Who wants that?

But there was a time when I was happy with her. I guess that crazy call when Rachel bitched me out changed everything, especially my perspective. 

I tried to fall asleep to clear my head for a while, but it just wasn't happening. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I actually slept. I was always tired, but could never sleep. Liv noticed and had tried to get me to see a psychiatrist, but I'd rather not.  I'd rather not be bothered to take antidepressants to make me feel better. I'm happy the way I am. Well happy was the wrong word, I guess. I'm satisfied. 

Liv should just worry about herself, she's good at it. 

sorry it's short, i ran out of ideas to fill in the chapter. i know i said it would be amazing and worth waiting and this is shit but i'm sorryyyyyyyy