Chapter 9 - IT'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

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Julie was in some dark silent room. Roland had taken her there. Roland had put Julie under hypnosis. Roland was a trained hypnotherapist

''What was your name before you were Julie?'' he asked her ''before you made the change from male to female?''

Julie laughed ''My name was George you fool, I told you this before'' Julie said 

''Did you like being George?'' Roland asked

Sweat poured down Julie's face as she shook her head in distress ''No I hated it''

''Why did you hate it?''

''Because I was never really a boy, I never acted like a boy, I hated football but I liked other boys. I was called gay but I knew I wasn't really gay, I was a girl, and that's why I liked boys...I was a girl, I liked all girl things but I had the body of a boy. I was weak, I wasn't a strong boy, and I was bullied and tormented for many years at home, at school, and everywhere. I had no friends, I was just the weird one. Painful, lonely years. I knew I had to make the change so I did it''

''And what happened when you did that?''

''My family hated me, they disowned me. I spent many years alone. I had to live and deal with it alone''

''And then you went to prison right?''

''Yes. I was attacked outside a nightclub by some idiots who were disgusted by me because I was a transsexual and they hated me. I snapped and attacked them, I was tired of being abused and mistreated, and I hurt them very badly. They jailed me for grievous bodily harm''

''Yes indeed'' Roland said with sorrow ''And they put you in a male prison to be tormented even more''

''Well, it was a disgrace to put me in the men's prison when I should have gone to the female prison! The judge was wicked and sadistic, he knew I would be persecuted so badly!''

''But I looked after you remember?'' Roland said ''And I told you all about George. George was a girl called Georgina who became a boy. Julie, you were called George and your life was hell. I told you Georgina stole your identity. You should have been a happy man but Georgina stole your soul because Georgina wanted to be a man. You should have been George, happy and successful but Georgina took your personality and identity as a male all for herself. Oh, she is a thief who tricked you and stole your soul. Now you are just a sad man pretending to be a woman''

''No it's not true'' Julie cried ''You lie to me and trick me''

''Well even if I do, remember I looked after you when you came to prison when the men hated you and abused and tormented you. George...Julie...I was there for you. I was the only one who helped you''

''Yes, yes I know''

''And I sent you to deal with Georgina You must remember what I told you. You were born as a boy called George but you were never happy because a thief wanted your soul. Do you see now what I told you, Georgina stole your soul and became a male called George. He stole your happiness, your partner...as I am sure Jake should have been with you..he stole it all''  

''But he has been so kind to me'' Julie protested ''And after Timmy was put to sleep I felt even closer to him. We understand each other I know we do. We are friends''

''NO Julie, no no!'' Roland snapped ''It's all a lie and a trick nothing more. George is the successful man you never were, you were called George and he stole your soul as I said. You have never really been as happy as Julie as you wanted to be right?

''Yes right'' Julie nodded her head 

''I hate Georgina and so should you. You were a man called George and she stole your identity for herself and called herself George''

''But why do you hate her so much?'' Julie asked ''even after everything you said I still don't hate her that much, not as you do. I feel like I love George as my friend'' 

''Love and hate are the same thing ''Roland said ''It's a thin line between love and hate since love can be a hateful toxic emotion too''

Suddenly Julie started singing 

It's a thin line between love and hate...It's a thin line between love and hate

''What is happening now? Where are you?'' Roland asked her intently

''I'm 21 again'' Julie said ''I've just started treatment to change from George into Julie, I am confident and happy about it and I am in a bar..a dingy underground bar. People are smoking and drinking around me but I don't care, I am caught up in the song''

Julie sang...

It's five o'clock in the morning, And you're just getting in...You knock on the door...And a voice sweet and low says who is it...She opens up the door and lets you in...Never once asks where have you been...She says are you hungry?... Did you eat yet?... Let me hang up your coat...Pass me your hat...All the time she's smiling...Never once raises her voice...It's five o'clock in the morning...You don't give it a second thought...It's a thin line between love and hate

It's a thin line between love and hate  

''And I sang and sang the song'' Julie said '' knew I could make it as a woman and as a singer like always wanted''

'But you didn't?''

Julie shook her head ''I was reduced to cabaret. That's ok for some but not for me, I was already some washed-up sad old nobody by the time I joined the cabaret club. The people there pity me and humor me, they don't really like me or care for my voice''

Julie sang again

The sweetest woman in the world.. could be the meanest woman in the world... If you make her that way...You keep hurting her...She'll keep being quiet. She might be holding something inside...That'll really, really hurt you one day

''That's how I feel, except that I am not really a woman. I never passed as a  woman even though I tried. I was sent to a men's prison to be tortured. People laugh at me and torment me all the time, I am a man who pretended to be a woman''

''You should have been a man called George'' Roland said ''But Georgina stole it from you as I said already. You need to hate Georgina and blame her for everything. Look how successful she is as George. She has Jake, and she is accepted as a male. She has it all and there is you with nothing, Harold left you remember''       

''But it's not really George's fault'' Julie said upset

''Yes it is'' Roland said sternly ''She is a thief and she stole everything from you George. You are not Julie you are George. Georgina wanted to be George so she stole your identity''

''No I'm sure it's a lie'' Julie was very distressed now ''I love George, he is my best friend and he is so kind to me. We care about and understand each other I know it. I love George as my friend''

''But it's a thin line between love and hate remember?'' Roland said

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