Me and Situ settled down for a normal-ish date. We just sat at a bench, in a public park, and pulled out a game of chess. I shuttered at the very thought of Situ playing chess, as I reached for my forehead and felt the place where the last match wounded me. It had mostly healed. It was time to suffer.
"Situ", I asked her with a forced smile on my face, "why did you set up the board like that?"
Her side had a row of pawns in the back, surrounding the king. The front line had all her good pieces.
"Strategy." She replied. The pawns hold back the cavalry from charging.
"That's not how the game works." I told her.
"As I have said before, it's ridiculous that two generals would line their forces up in the exact same way. This is war." She stubbornly demanded.
"As I've said before, it's a competitive game. If we don't start out on equal footing, it's no longer a fair competition." I replied.
"Fine." I conceded. I placed all my pieces so they were in a direct line with her king. I'd advanced the bishops up a few rows to make it happen, but I thought it gave me a pretty solid advantage.
"Hey! You can't do that!" She insisted, pointing to my advancing bishops.
"The center of the battlefield was unguarded. I sent my priests to claim it for my religion." I demanded. I was pretty proud of myself for that one.
"My nation doesn't acknowledge your flawed religion, and demands reparation for your priesthood's grievous insult to our sacred land." She stated.
"My polygamous religion allowed my king to marry your queen. She's betraying your throne!" I replied.
"Shame that my king was in the closet the entire time! He's out now, he's fabulous, and your entire cavalry is falling for him!" Situ replied.
The battle evolved. Then peace talks. Then an honestly beautiful wedding ceremony between my castle and a lowly pawn from her army, then a murder during the ceremony cut the festivities short, an investigation was carried out, and it turned out one of my king's many wives committed the murder! War papers were drafted, and after consulting the priests and breaking out our former non-violence agreement, only one conclusion could be drawn- they needed to pray for their very gods to fight in their place.
"Ummm... so what now?" I asked Situ, as we gathered up the meticulously cut bits of note card we'd used to form the religious principles that our tiny armies would live their tiny lives by.
"I think we fight, like the old times." She informed me.
"Isn't that just a free win for you?" I asked.
"It would be, if you were"- She began. I knew what she was going to say.
"I'm normal." I told her. She normally looked upset, or disappointed, today she looked amused.
"Then stand like a normal person." She told me. I looked down, and my feet had, in fact, assumed the proper fighting stance. We practiced Muay Thai all those years ago, and apparently the muscle memory wasn't dead.
I coughed a little and resumed a normal stance. "I'm normal, see?" I told Situ, then I watched her balance shift backwards just a little bit. One leg left the ground ever so slightly, and I stepped narrowly out of the way as her foot came flying past my head. I quickly grabbed it in my hand so she couldn't try that again.
YOU ARE READING
League of Do Gooders, Ne'er do wells, and those of Evil Intent
HumorThe sequel to the previous book, but starring all the ugly people from the original! Such an interesting twist! Join June Why as she learns the difference between doors and walls.
