Killing is My Middle Name

Chapter Eighteen

        I woke up cold, sweaty, and with my hands around something soft.

        I was frozen. The cool air brushed through my body as I slowly opened my eyes only to be greeted with more darkness.

        I pressed my fingers into the softness, trying to figure out what it was. I pressed harder and harder under I felt a thump, thump, thump on my finger tips. I was perplexed. The object gasped for breath and coughed violently.

        My eyes widened quickly and I jumped away from my victim.

        What am I doing? Where am I?

        I looked around myself and finally saw streetlights down the road. I was in the middle of the street in the middle of the night... Why is this happening again?

        I hurriedly looked for a place to take shelter, to hide, to disappear, anywhere to get away from the victim I had just hurt. I found a small tree that was hidden from the streetlights.

        Once again in the shadows.

        I watched my victim from afar. It looked like a man.

        How was I able to overpower him? How did I even get out here? Where am I?!

        I started to panic once I realized I still had no idea what city I was in.

        Where is Taylor’s house? Did he throw me out? No, he had no reason to... I hope... Could... could the man I almost killed be... Taylor?

        A single tear ran down my cheek as I thought of the possibility that I had hurt my new friend.

        When does this stop? I don’t want to be like this anymore! I’m tired of hurting loved ones and strangers. No one deserves to be hurt...

        My heart felt like it was being sliced into two halves but also felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. I clutched my chest as if I could save my heart from hurting. I knew I had made myself feel this excruciating sadness and pain.

        In the distance, I heard the man cough and spit onto the road. I began watching him again as he slowly, but shakily, tried to peel himself off of the gravel. He coughed again, a raw and throaty cough. I felt bad for inflicting any sort of pain on him. If he was Taylor, then he didn’t deserve it. He was just a guy trying to get by and help his parents. But then again, even a stranger didn’t deserve some random - was it random? - act of violence.

        The man got up to his feet, but not before almost falling flat on his face. He stood up straight and took a big inhalation of oxygen. He coughed a few more time before slowly walking away. I sat down on the grass below me and leaned against the tree.

        I don’t understand why this can’t just go away. This is torture... not only for me, but for the people I’ve hurt - past and present.

        I stared up in the sky, continuing to feel alone and disgusting. Only a few stars twinkled. The rest of them were covered up by the city lights. I longed to see the sky in its full glory and beauty, undisturbed by protruding lights and other manmade distractions.

        I closed my eyes, feeling more tears flow gently down my skin.

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