Paralyzed✅

• E p i l o g u e •

Alex's P.O.V. 

5 years later. 

*Content Warning: Talks about miscarriage, self-loathing feelings, very bad depression, suicide thoughts; let me know if there was anything I missed! 

"Franci, we're going to be late," I called out waiting for my lady to hurry up. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming," She huffed as she stumbled putting on her heels. I met up with her in the hallway and placed my hands on her waist, I placed a small but passionate kiss on her sweet lips. I whispered an I love you and walked toward the front door. She followed behind me and I quickly drove us over to my parents house. We were having a Christmas dinner in February since life hasn't been easy on Franci and I. Franci was 4 months pregnant when she had a miscarriage. It turns out she can't give birth. She isn't strong enough, her body isn't strong enough to do so. She had a high chance of dying if she were to give birth full term. It took long endless nights of thinking and crying and just exhaustion taking over us until the most heart-breaking thing happened and our baby passed away. Eloise, for a girl. Elijah for a boy. We had held off on decorating the room until we were certain everything health wise-for both Franci and our child-was going well. Now, I'm truly grateful we had done so. 

Franci is an amazing woman. We had met 3 years ago. My therapist-Ms. Anderson-had told me to pick one person (a stranger) out of anywhere and anyone on the street and to start a conversation with them. Mainly because I haven't had a conversation with anyone except my family and therapist for 2 years. I was on the verge of going crazy. Lucky for me though, Franci ended up being that stranger for me. She became the most important person in my life in no time. Though, yes, it was truly difficult to open up to her we soon enough had realized we had a lot in common. She was a young woman battling with bulimia after having an ex-boyfriend degrade her and her weight for years. I was a young man battling with really bad depression after having an ex-friend and ex-girlfriend leave. We remained in contact after our first time meeting and a good 6 months later we started dating and then a good 2 years we got married. 

My parents were really heartbroken with the whole situation, of course they would be, they've always wanted grandchildren. But, as much as we can't control everything we also can't give up because there are a lot more alternate solutions we can depend on. We can foster kids, adopt kids, have a surrogate; there's a lot out there with the world's advanced, technological resource. And I'm immensely grateful for. 

I look over at Franci as she gazes out the window with her hands intertwined to each other under her chin, as if her hands were holding up her head because if not she'd give up any second. I reached over with my right hand and intertwined our hands together, I brought it up to my face and gave it a couple of kisses, I let our hands sit on my right leg. 

We arrived at my parents house 30 minutes later. Franci knocked on the door and Abigail opened the door. My sweet little sister. She squealed and I laughed hugging her and squeezing her head as I kissed her cheeks and forehead. 

"I've missed you so much," She whispered as she stayed in my embrace.

 "I've missed you too, Abs, you doing okay?" She nodded and went to Franci and hugged her tightly. 

After we adopted Abigail a couple of years ago we quickly became close and she had been enrolled at the school nearby and is now almost done with high school. She truly is a smart girl and is in the top 5 of her class. After Franci and I started dating Franci and Abigail became like sisters. My mom and dad, as well, love Franci. She proved to them her worthy of being my wife and they blessed us from the start. 

We ate dinner, I know it was hard for Franci, hell it was hard for me. These past few months I had went back to my depressive state. I hated it. I tried being there for Franci when just being there made me want to hurl up and die. Yeah, my depression got so bad I was ready to go. Ready to have died. That never should've happened. I should've been there for my wife, especially when she was going through the worst moment of her life. Instead I was so selfish I only thought of me. I needed silence not as if anyone of us were talking but I needed my brain to be silent. I couldn't take it. I hated myself. I hated myself. I really did. 

Although, my depression would most probably stay with me forever, I had to find ways to control it. That leads us to the first step, accepting this dinner. It's been difficult. All I really wanted to do right now is cry. All I wanted to be is at home, in my room, preferably the bathroom. 

And with the way life turned out, as much as I hated everything happening to us, to me, I'm thankful for the small parts of happiness I was able to get. With my mom, my dad, my sister, and Franci. 

To my kid, momma and dadda love you. We would've done everything to keep you safe. Look after us, will you? I'll meet you soon, buddy. I love you. 

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"Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason to us doesn't seem worthy. We keep going, as hypocritical as that may seem we just have to try. The consequences, the purpose, the healing, the hurting, the numbness, the happiness, that feeling you just are there, where you're... paralyzed." 

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Hi, loves!! It's done!!! Ahhhh, I can't believe it, finally!! This book was a mess, quite frankly, this wasn't supposed to happen at all the whole book just ended up changing fully over chapters. Tbh, if I had been more into this book as I first was it would've ended up better. I do hope, regardless, that you guys do like the epilogue. It's a heavy one. I hope I portrayed some of the emotions to its extent. I love you all dearly, thank you thank you thank you for joining along this journey for the past two and a half years. THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN!!!!! Enjoy!! 

VOTE AND COMMENT!!

-Zoey <33