I Can Feel You

Chapter 19

We sat in silence after we had resided on the couch. We had just eaten was just now passing time. Time went by quickly since earlier, we have eaten cleaned up and now, we're here. She has her head rested on my shoulder and I'm just stroking her hair; it looks like she's in deep thought.

"Are you still thinking about what happened earlier?" she looked at me briefly before answering "Yeah, I never thought I would ever meet a guy like him" she shifted a bit and made herself more comfortable "what about you?" she raised a brow.

I rested my head on the couch and sighed wondering whether I say something or not, I decided that I will after we have a nice communication; I definitely should voice it out and tell her. "I was just thinking, don't you think you said too much?" she suddenly sat up, eyebrows crossed.

"I said too much?" she seemed offended "I mean you caused a scene" she was quick to cut me off "No I didn't! he was the one who harassed us" I sighed "I wouldn't say harassed, more like annoyed us" I can tell she's getting agitated.

"No Annie, he verbally sexually harassed us. He even shouted and followed us" she's starting to raise her voice "But you called him slurs" I said in my desperate attempt to calm her down while being agitated too.

"I called him slurs?!!" she shouted in disbelief "Yes, it was offensive" now I'm annoyed too "I didn't call him any slur I merely described him. He's the one who called me slurs!" With both of us being upset, I don't really see the point in having this argument

"Fine just let it go" I backed down that seemed to set her off more "Let it go?! Annie, he used a slur and called Asian sex slaves. And you don't see a problem with that?! Fucking hell this is unbelievable!" she stood up

"It's just a different perspective" I reasoned out "Yeah, you seem to share the same fragile ignorant entitled stuck up white perspective" that set me off, I don't like being talked down like this, does she know who I am? "What the fuck is wrong with you? Watch your tone and your language woman!"

She was stunned she stared at me with a mixture of disbelief, disappointment and pain. Her expression became angry, the kind you wouldn't want to see in a nice person "What the fuck?! I have every right to be mad Annie, and you don't get a say on how I express it."

I regret what I had said but there's nothing I can do or say that will take it back. "Okay let's just calm down" It was wrong to say that "Don't tell me to calm down. I can't just calm down, what's wrong with you?" she looked at me with I could say disgust

"Well, what do you want me to do then?" I snapped, her expression became stoic and she looked at me blankly "I would want to know why you're acting like this and taking his side" she said in a low monotonous voice, still staring deep in my soul.

"I wasn't, I just didn't think you would do that, that was unexpected" I tried to explain my side but I think she was having none of it "How so?" she replied although it sounded barely like a question. "Well, you know, Asians are gentle and submissive" I tried explaining my view.

She gave me a 'what the fuck' look, she opened her mouth like she's about to say something but didn't. She just stared, so I felt the need to continue "Well you know I just mean that Asian women are more conserved"

"I never could've guessed that you had such racist point of view" she voiced out her disappointment which confused me "How? I just didn't think that my Asian woman will speak in that kind of language instead of just leaving it be"

Her mouth fell agape "Do you hear what you're saying? You expect me to just let that man harass and insult me without a fight? So, you're admitting to fetishizing Asians because were submissive?" I went wide eyed "No, it's just that you're supposed to be like that"

"Supposed like what? huh?" I groaned this is getting nowhere "Why are you so upset, you're not supposed to be like this. Why just can't you be like her" I let out my frustrations. She looked defeated and hurt.

She sighed "Annie, I'm not part of your daydream anymore. I'm a real person and you don't get to dictate or control me. It seems that you're still living in some kind of fantasy. If you're just gonna be like this then maybe we're better off with our own versions of each other. Let's break up"

Teary eyed she left, taking her stuff with her and not daring to look back. I just stood there for a few minutes. To be honest I don't know what to feel, it's not like I really lost her right? I still have my daydreams.

Half an hour later and she didn't come back like I expected her to. It's 9 in the evening, it's not like she would go home at this hour, right? I shouldn't have let her leave. I took my phone to message her only to find out I was blocked. Fuck.