Protect Her

Chapter Twenty Five

***Trigger Warning: This chapter contains heavy themes of domestic violence and miscarriage. Please take care of yourself and skip if you feel this may be triggering for you. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind, please reach out to someone in your community. In the US, that number is 1-800-799-7233**

Camryn

Derek looked back at me in utter shock, trying to digest what I just said. My stomach was in knots as I waited for him to say something. Anything at all. When he finally started talking, I wanted to crawl into a hole.

"Jesus Christ, Camryn." He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

I wasn't even sure how to answer that. I was thinking a million things when I made that phone call, but first and foremost, I was thinking I couldn't let my father hurt any longer.

Derek didn't wait for an answer. "Do you know the risk you just put yourself in? I asked you to trust me on this. I would have given anything for you to talk to him, but I told you that you couldn't because you've literally just compromised this entire thing."

"I'm sorry. I just..."

Derek cut me off, slamming his palm on the table. "Damn it!"

When I saw his hand raise, I froze, immediately transported back to another time and place. Derek wasn't even close to hitting me, and I knew he never ever would, but when I saw him raise his hand in anger like that, it was all I could think about. The thousands of times Robby's hands connected with my cheek or my ribs or the side of my head. The anger in his voice. The blind rage. It triggered something in me and I felt like I was hallucinating. It wasn't Derek I was seeing, but Robby.

I shrank back, cowering away from him and squeezing my eyes shut.

Derek stopped abruptly, his eyes on me gently, as I had a complete breakdown.

"Cam?" His voice broke. "Are you... did you..."

He was speechless, and so was I. My breathing was so shallow I couldn't even form a tight as I choked back tears, my pulse pounding so loud in my head it was hard to hear anything over it.

Derek approached me carefully, bending down in front of me and taking my hands in his. "Cam, it's okay." He whispered. "Did you think I was going to hit you?"

Those words made me sick. Of course, I didn't think he was going to hit me. I knew Derek. He was so kind and gentle with me always. He knew what I'd come from and he would die before making me feel the ways Robby had. But also, of course, I thought he was going to hit me. It was all I'd ever known. Any time in my life I'd ever made my boyfriend or husband mad, it ended with a painful slap or punch.

I couldn't breathe, and suddenly burst into tears at the realization of all of this. I was doing well. I thought I was moving on. And then tonight, I screwed up and Derek raised his voice and I was immediately taken back there. I wasn't ever going to be okay. I was always going to be one moment away from where I desperately tried to get away from.

"Baby, look at me." Derek was cautious, putting his hand on my cheek. "You're okay. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you, I would never..."

"I know that." I assured him. "I know you would never do anything like that. I just..." I covered my face in my hands and sobbed.

Derek didn't say another word. He just wrapped his arms around me as I cried. He tucked my hair behind my ears and wiped the tears off of my cheek, and gently shushed me as he held me against him. "It's okay, Cam. You're okay." He repeated over and over again.