cherry (h.s)

3: birthday

Harry Styles

September 21st. Today's your day.

Last year, I tried to avoid this day at all costs. But this year, I think I want to embrace it. It's inevitable, after all.

People are telling me that this should be a celebratory day, even though you're not here.

You would have turned 21 today. Such a milestone.

I'm trying to imagine what I'd do today if you were still here.

We'd wake up in my Manchester home. I'd make you breakfast and spoil you with morning kisses and shower sex. I'd run my hands through your hair—I miss that feeling so much. We'd have such a good day together.

I woke up today missing you a little extra. I knew it would happen—I knew it would hurt me a little more to get up today. But, I'll get through the day because I know you want me to.

I know you want me to be happy.

I'm getting there, I promise. I'm working on it day by day. Hopefully one day I can find the same peace that you did.

I miss you everyday. It started out rough, I'll admit. But, recovering takes time.

I've acknowledged that you're gone and I've acknowledged the pain I felt. I still feel pain sometimes. But I'm trying to teach myself that you're doing okay...wherever you are.

I know you listen to me. I know you come and check in on me every now and then...it happens when I'm dreaming.

Today, we're all celebrating you.

The whole gang is in Manchester. We're all here for you.

I went to your mom's house. Rosie's so grown up now, almost 12. They're doing as well as they can.

I wish I met your mom earlier. She's a wonderful person, just like you were. I've really tried to keep a close relationship with them.

Your mother told me she was proud of me, Cherry. That's something you used to tell me.

She told me that she's grateful for me and my help. That's praise I wasn't used to.

The guys all miss you, too. They were all at my house, having some drinks in your honor.

We all really wish you were here. It goes without saying that things aren't the same without you.

You may not realize it, but you had such an impact on this group of people. Every one of them loved you. You've made your imprint on all of us, in some way.

With me, you literally changed my life. I never would have gotten out of that lifestyle if it weren't for you.

I have the cherry tattoo to remind me of that.

I love that tattoo. It's my favorite one, definitely.

Who knew that when we walked into that tattoo parlor, we'd end up falling in love with each other later on?

Our lives were really unexpected, weren't they?

I never expected to fall so hard for anyone. I never expected to crave those moments running through the night with different city lights above our heads.

You were such a thrill. A spark.

I loved how much you craved adventure. I loved it from the moment I met you—I just didn't realize it. I loved how much you cared about other people. That was something I taught myself not to do until you came along. I loved the way you kissed me. I loved how your lips felt, how you smelled, how you felt. I loved that wildcard side of you that I could never predict. I loved that you were like a movie that I couldn't stop myself from sitting back and watching.

I loved every moment with you and I love you for letting me appreciate what life has to offer again.

I love you so fucking much.

You told me to climb as many rooftops as I can.

Can you guess where I am now?

I never really took the time to recognize how peaceful and still it is up high. There's a little breeze, not much.

It took some courage, but I made it up here. I'm proud of myself.

Things happen below me. People driving, people rushing somewhere. People living their own lives. But I'm just still. Time is still. Just for a little while...just until I leave.

Right now, time is moving below me, but I'm not going anywhere. I just need to appreciate it, because that's what you would do.

Life is moving so quickly, Charlotte. I wish you were here to experience it with me...

Charlotte Thompson

I'm here.

You were right. I do come and check in on you. I do it all the time. What can I say? I'm still obsessed with you.

I'm right here and I'm still with you.

I'm so proud of you, Harry.

Look at you, on this rooftop, appreciating life instead of despising it. That was your doing, not mine.

I can see you. I can see your hands resting on your knees and your curls in the wind. Your eyelids are shut over your green eyes. You're at peace right now. You're okay.

That's all I wanted, really. For you to be okay.

I know it was hard on you. You lost another loved one.

Believe me, I missed you too. I miss being able to touch you...I miss it everyday.

I know you're doing the best you can. That's enough. You're human, and I've told you that a million times before.

I don't need anything else from you, Harry. I just need you to continue to live for me.

I just want to watch you flourish.

I'm okay if you're okay.

I've seen all you've done. I promise you that I've been here for it all.

And those songs...I love them all. Thank you for showing me.

I never expected you to love me as much as I loved you, but you did. And you've proved it.

I'm next to you on this rooftop, but you can't see me. That's okay. Just let me admire you for a little. You've always been so beautiful.

I love your face. I love your body. I love your heart. I love how you've uncovered your vulnerable side.

I love you so fucking much.

You may argue that you haven't found serenity yet.

But I see you now, and I know for a fact that you're going to be okay.

You and I, we'll be okay.

//

LOL *SOBS*

i hope you enjoyed these mini chapters. i hope i didn't cause anymore tears like last time.

bye bye <3 i love you so much :)