What She Needs

50. Epilogue

This is it my lovelies! 100,000 words later. 288 pages. I cannot Thankyou all enough for your support and kind kind words. It's been an absolute pleasure writing this for you all. I'm emotional, I feel like this story has been my escape for the last 5 months. I'll have to get stuck into a new story won't I! Thankyou again for all your comments and votes and reads and messages. I hope I've done you proud with this. All my love 💕

Addison Montgomery

"Sometimes it's the people you least expect that end up being the most hurt. I mean they can seem like they have everything in the world and be more miserable than you could imagine. They could have a stellar group of friends, a secure job, they could even have your husband for goodness sake! It doesn't mean they have happiness though. It doesn't mean they're okay."

Sometimes, it's the people you least expect that end up being the best of friends.

If you'd asked me 9 months ago where I'd be today, I'd of told you something generic like, a promotion or boyfriend I can't commit to or another pioneering surgery that's got me in the record books. I would not be counting sisters.

I would not consider the annoying little toe rag who stole my husband, a sister. I don't think I'd even manage to call her a colleague. Isn't that so ironic?

Perfect freaking twelve year old.

Even 8 months ago, I wouldn't put Meredith in my family circle. 7 months ago, I thought she was a new friend who needed help. 6 months ago, I thought she was going to die. 5 months ago, I thought she was dead. 4 months ago, she went missing. 3 months ago, I thought she'd relapse. 2 months ago, she relapsed. 1 month ago, she passed her boards.

If you'd have told me all I'd go through with this girl nine months ago, I wouldn't of tried. I wouldn't have thought we'd be able to make it, but we did. She's a force, that girl.

I collapse on a bunk in on call five, and Meredith very nearly lands on me.

"Meredith!'

"Sorry!" She scooches over.

"I heard someone passed their boards!" Arizona runs in, squealing and engulfing Meredith in a huge embrace. There's three of us on this one person bunk now and it looks like I won't be getting any rest right now.

The fourth somehow finds a gap on the mattress- Amelia squiggling herself between me and Arizona, shpeeling off something about her perfect mark in her intern exam.

"Shut up Amelia! This is my day, not yours!" Meredith snarks and I have to laugh at my baby sisters' inability to get on for more than two days in a row.

"How does it feel to be a second year then huh?" I ask.

"Tiring."

"Tiring? You haven't done a shift yet!" I joke as Meredith nuzzles further into me.

"Overstimulated." She mumbles, and it's understandable. It's such a huge day in any doctors career, but the sheer relief Meredith must feel after the year she's had probably feels overwhelming.

Like oxygen in starved lungs. You inflate until you think you can't anymore, but eventually you breathe out and it's all okay. The next breath will come.

We stay cuddled on the bed for hours. The three sisters and our valentine state. Occasionally, Amelia's foot drifts dangerously close to my mouth and I have to bat her away in my dreamy state, but somehow, we all manage to get a good nights sleep balled up in each others arms. Crooked necks are worth it.

You know... I've always looked outside myself for the answers. Answers for Amy, answers for Mer. Reasons why my marriage broke down. Reasons I've adopted my ex-husbands girlfriend... but really there aren't any. Who am I to question the pull of the universe? Miss Shepherd is a firm believer that life will out, and usually, I think she's vomiting some spiritual crap from NA and I take no notice, bit for once, she makes sense with this one.

Life will out.

Life will find a way to keep living.

The universe works in mysterious ways, and what was the worst moments in my life have blossomed into sisterhoods and friendships and fertile soil for my own growing. All of this... all of the universe was already inside me. All the life and the hurt and the pain and the divorce and the sun and the stars and the laughs were just waiting for the perfect moments to surface.

It was all inside of me. The strength to hold myself and my sister was in me.

The strength to stay sober was in Amelia.

The light to guide us was in Arizona.

The ability to reparent herself was inside Meredith. She kept taking breaths. She kept surviving.

Everything we need is in front of us and within us. We are fractured and whole. We are broken and fixed and broken again. We are living, loving, breathing, crying messes, just happy to be human.

We'll take it universe, whatever you throw at us.

Whatever you throw at my youngest sister, she will be okay. I will protect her, although I think I've had it wrong all along. Meredith has never needed me. All I did was draw out what existed in her soul. She got here on her own.  She is strength and light and resilience. She is learning and adapting and coping and trying. She is everything.

It's not about what she needs. What she needs is already inside of her.