Kiss the Teacher || Remus Lupin x Reader

26

Two weeks later

You lift your fist, holding it just inches away from the door, but you hesitate.

Is it too soon? Too late? You wanted to give him time, but the last two weeks have been agony, waiting and waiting. You had restrained from writing him so many times, until finally, now, you decided to just show up at his door. But now you're questioning yourself yet again, despite how badly you miss him.

 Fuck it, you think. You rap your knuckles against the door three times before lowering your hand to your side as you wait for a response.

The door opens only a moment later, revealing Remus, and your heart flips at the sight of him. He's dressed in one of your favorite sweaters of his, with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, looking as good as ever. His eyes widen in shock as he looks at you, but you can't tell if it's a good shock or a bad shock. You suppose that you'll find out.

"Y/N."

"Hi, Remus." You smile weakly at him, trying to ignore the pounding of your heart in your ears.

He quickly looks you up and down, and it seems a bit like he's trying to figure out if you're really standing in front of him.

Over the last two weeks, any optimism or hope that you had felt leaving Hogwarts faded. You had gotten back to your house and realized that you had no clue what to do now that you'd quit, and nobody to talk to about it, now that you didn't have Remus. 

And here you are, standing in front of him, unsure of if he's been missing you as badly as you've been missing him. And unsure of if at any point, he'd fallen in love with you, too.

"Uh, come on in," he offers, stepping to the side. You walk in past him, and he shuts the door behind you. You turn to face him, and he's already looking at you, his hands in his pants pockets, clearly unsure of what to say.

"How have you been?" you start, rather than just jumping into I've missed you or I still love you.

"Alright," he says, shrugging, "If I'm being honest, I think I got too used to being around people constantly. It's been a bit boring." He offers you a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, but it's a good start.

"I know what you mean," you agree, and when you see a flicker of confusion flash over Remus's face, you realize that he doesn't know that you quit.

"I quit," you explain, "right after you left."

Remus raises his eyebrows. "But you loved it there, Y/N."

You shrug, dropping your gaze and looking down at the rug that you're standing on. "It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Not after what Severus did by telling everyone. And not with you gone."

Remus stays quiet, so you look up, worried that you said something wrong. He avoids your eyes almost as soon as you look up, turning away and starting into the small kitchen that's off to his right.

"Would you like a cup of tea? I'm sorry I didn't offer sooner," he says, quickly, and you sigh inwardly. This is going to be more difficult than you hoped it would be.

"No, I'm alright, but thank you." You stand in the doorway of the kitchen, watching as he moves around, avoiding your eyes, just as he did the last time you saw him. Your eyes flit down to your arm. You'd purposely worn a jacket just so that he wouldn't have to see the reminder of what he did that night two weeks ago, but you know it's on his mind.

"Remus, stop."

He does stop, and when he looks over at you, and you can really see for the first time since you've gotten here just how distressed he actually is.