I Always Come Back for You

Chapter 13. Part 3.

I feel nothing. I thought I would be angry and vengeful but now that I am sitting here, watching the city, lively and moving, all my feelings are drained out of me. I guess this feels like adrenalin spreading through the body after you are hit with intense external pain. I have that kind of indifference and numbness as my defense mechanism is activated to prevent further injury. I am not as mad as I expected myself to be. As Nam Il was that day. More likely, it feels like I'm a soldier returned from a pointless war where the enemy and the allies were actually on one side and I was on the other. I fought my battles and lost. I inhale the polluted city hair in my lungs. 

"Can I stay here for a bit more? You can take the wheelchair. I won't need it" I ask the nurse. 

She nods and leaves me to be. I'm dying anyway, she won't refuse me some fresh air and the view of a city I'll never see again. My shoulders slump as that thought fills me with sorrow. I feel like I lost something important today. I don't have anything else to keep me in this world. There is a rustling sound behind me and I turn to see Hyung and Dae Sung at the sliding door, fidgety and unsure. 

"Hyung! What are you doing here?" 

I say my eyes avoiding them, landing on the city border on the horizon. 

"Are you alright?" The trademark question is asked by Dae Sung, but this time doesn't tingle my insides. It's just a boring question in a sexy baritone voice. 

"I'm perfect. Never been better. Almost as good as new. Didn't my Hyung tell you that I'm taking some vacation? I have to spend all this pent-up energy!" 

They look at me dumbfounded like I'm talking Greek. 

Hyung stumbles forward "But your doctor said..." 

"My doctor said nothing. Why did you drag Mr. Jin here? I bet he's busy. You should be more considerate of others' time Hyung. It's not like you to take someone's precious time over trivial matters." I cut him off. 

"Trivial? What's gotten into you?" He seems confused. 

I turn to Dae Sung who observes the whole scene without saying a word 

"I'm sorry for the trouble. Whatever my Hyung has told you there is a chance he exaggerated it. You should leave. You too Hyung. Let's never meet again" 

I say in a small voice on the verge of breaking. Eventually, Dae Sung decides to chime in 

"What are you two playing?" 

Now I'm on the same page with Hyung? Interesting! 

"I don't know! It's your game. Not mine apparently. I'm just a broken toy." 

By the end of that sentence, I'm out of the door reaching for the emergency staircases that I scanned on my way. The door to the roof is not locked but stuck by something and my strength is diminishing as I push it with all might. As it cracks a bit I see the bewildered faces of the legendary duet at the landing, they look astonished now that my words have sunk in. 

"Crap!" 

Can't I go somewhere where they are not there? The door opens with a bang and I throw myself to the blinding light that is showering the rooftop, they are at my heel, chasing me up. I get further, inching to the edge that is fenced with thin metals. I turn around to see them stop at the spot. 

"Dara!" Dae Sung calls me "What are you doing?" 

The wild wind whips his face and an unruly stray strand of hair is blown into his eyes and just seeing that simple thing, makes my knees weak. I'm screwed. Something is fundamentally wrong with me. I laugh at my idiocy.