I Always Come Back for You

Chapter 6. Part 3.

I was ruthless; I admit and feel guilty for what I've said. I'm sure this is not what Nam Il wants; to get revenge. I don't know why I got so mad, my feelings were all over the place and I overreacted. Or did I? I'm not sure as my feelings and Nam Il's are combined to make a powerful mix that can burn down an empire. Seeing someone from the past brought that lethal wave back to the surface and I took it out on Hyung. I feel horrible. That's what I was thinking all this morning. Leaving the building, my eyes catch the black SUV. Oh. No. I knew that my childish outrage would come back to bite me in the ass. What if Hyung really sued me? I would be in big trouble. The front door opens and his posture appears, I stop at my heel as he closes in. Without a word, he grabs under my arm to take me with him. I don't fight him 

"Hyung! Where are you taking me" 

His silence is intimidating. When I'm pushed in the front seat, he decides to talk 

"Be still." 

I wasn't planning to escape anyway even though I'm bewildered by his actions. He sits on the driver's side and starts the car with no words maintaining his menacing expression. Are we headed to the police station for the indignation of a passed singer or something like that? But if there is something I know about this man is that this is not Hyung's way to teach someone a lesson. Maybe he is finally ready to accept the truth about me. Let's be optimistic. 

"Where are you taking me?" 

When I give up on an answer from him, he finally talks 

"On the last night of that cursed play, we talked. What did I say?" 

He is testing me. 

"I.. No! He was pretty down that night. You went to a drinking party with the crew to celebrate." 

That memory is still tender and it aches me. I breathe 

"I... He had a talk with Dae Sung in the restroom. Then I cried on your shoulder." 

I look at him searching for a reaction to confirm he is shaken by the vivid memory as I am, or the reality that I'm telling him the truth but the only thing I get is a glance at his side, staring at the road. Only his hands tighten around the steering wheel. 

"On the way home, you told me the story of this movie aired a few years back about a method acting actor and a newbie idol. I guess it was your way of comforting me to move on. You said at the end they both went their ways since it was just a play. Just a play." 

I rewind that moment in my mind and there is a turmoil going on full charge inside me. 

"But it wasn't just a play. It wasn't acting for me. For him. I mean for Nam Il it was the most real thing. I can feel it and it's not a good feeling I assure you. Sometimes, I wish I could get rid of his leftovers inside my brain so I could be set free of this torture. "

I cover my face in my hand ordering myself not to cry again. Man up and finish a damn conversation for once. The car stops suddenly and I thank god for the invention of the seatbelt unless I would be smashed to the windshield with Hyung pulling the break in the middle of nowhere. I look at him turning to me with a mix of emotions; loss, disbelief, hope, and shock. 

"Who are you?" 

 He murmurs more to himself. 

"I don't know anymore. I wish I knew" 

He searches my face frantically looking for something I don't know, and his eyes deepen 

"You're him. Aren't you? You are really Nam Il. You are real..." 

His voice cracks and the sorrow he was trying so hard to cover is now on full display, tears sliding out of his eyes and he breaks down before my eyes and that image breaks my heart. I have never seen this demanding force of nature cry and now he is sobbing and it's all my fault. While he is letting his heart out I'm looking for an answer to his question