AN: I'll be back on my A-game in no time. Check for my personal update, and also some announcements and schedules. Thanks for the support as always <3
-Devon
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Trying to explain anxiety to someone who doesn't have it is pointless. Anxiety is something that feels different from person to person, but one thing is a common factor-- panic attacks.
Assuming a panic attack is something that can be fixed if 'you just calm down' is ignorant. Assuming that a panic attack is something I'm not used to by now is also ignorant. Panic attacks, for me, are frequent. They come with my insecurity. They come with my emotional issues. They come with the day to day issues that frustrate or upset me. I'm so used to panic attacks that I'm actually pretty sick of getting upset over things.
So, while I sit in the hot bath--a fresh lunch in my stomach and only about a half an hour until the ship lands-- reviewing today's events and the recognition that Sora and I have different visions of a future, I begin to convince myself that it shouldn't actually matter.
I honestly don't know what I was expecting. Maybe, somewhere deep in my mind, I've been missing the fact that I just have an extreme need to feel loved. I think, in that need, I also give away a big part of my heart... which I'm fine with, but I think maybe that's why I get hurt so much. I give away the biggest part of me hoping to get the same in return, and maybe Sora's not as sure of his feelings as I am. I shouldn't pressure him to be sure. I should be encouraging him to be the best he can be, just like he's always done for me.
As I step out of the tub, my heart rate finally slowing down to a normal pace and my head finally feeling a bit more clear, I recognize that really what I need to do is love Sora as he is, stop pressuring him for so much, and in turn love how things are. I've been given an exciting adventure with him, a vacation practically where I don't have to worry about judgments from anyone else. I need to stop worrying so much and live a little.
"Bath go okay?" He greets me with a smile. This amazes me considering how much attitude I gave him over lunch, and I decide to return the smile and follow through with my thoughts.
"Yeah, actually. I think it was just what I needed." I step over to my dresser and pull some clean clothes from the drawers.
"Glad to hear it! You were in there for a while, I was beginning to think you might've drowned." Sora watches me slide my towel off and put on new clothes.
"Just got lost in thought for a bit, I suppose. I like relaxing in the hot water, it soothes my muscles." I respond, reaching back into my dresser for some socks. "So.. we arrived, I'm assuming?" I don't feel the ships vibrations under my feet, and there's no real noises in the ship besides our voices and my movements.
"Yup. Arendelle. From what I can tell there's a castle in one direction and some mountains in the other."
"Another Castle? Jesus, how many princesses exist in this galaxy?" I huff as I pull on my socks. "And why wasn't I born one?"
"Because princesses are way out of my league, and you were definitely made just for me." I feel a dumb smile crawl onto my face, but shake my head with a laugh.
"I'm still way out of your league, sweetheart, but I'll agree that I was made for you." With the last article of clothing on, I step over to Sora and wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him in for a soft kiss before promptly leaving the room and preparing for another day of exploring and adventure.
"So. Heading in the direction of the castle, I'm assuming?" Sora asks as we both slip on our shoes.
"I don't see how any one could be better to ask about public affairs than the king." Sora gives me a nod before we both head out the gummi ship. To my dismay, my body is weighed down with thick woolen clothes, my fingerless gloves extend out over my fingertips and once again-- I'm in a damn gown. "There's no escaping dresses, is there? I'm cursed."
