Band aids ~TsukiHina~

~22~

~Hinata~

Tsukishima and I have been spending time together quite a lot recently and, I'll be honest, it feels a little weird. It would feel a lot more normal if it was just a friends thing, but we've moved on from that. Everything's in a romantic context now and... well, to put it bluntly, it's killing me! Don't get me wrong, going on dates with him is really fun but I wish we were more than just a couple of friends who go on dates every once in a while. I really like him, have done since high school, and not being able to call him mine- wait, that sounds cringe, I should rephrase that... no, I can't be bothered thinking of a different way to say that. This is all inside my head anyway so who cares? Anyway, it's really annoying. I just want to be with him! That's all! But I'm scared that he'll say no... Yes, I admit it. I'm scared of rejection. I've been scared of it ever since we started going on dates and it gets worse every time and one of these days it will consume me.

See, that's the problem with this whole debacle. I'm perfectly content with sticking with just dates (not really but shh) because, if I never formally ask Tsukki to by my boyfriend again, he can't reject me and I won't get my heart broken again. I snort a little to myself. Yeah right, like I was the one who got my heart broken. I did that to him, not the other way around. Who am I to worry about getting my heart broken? I should be worrying about whether or not I'll end up doing something like that to him again. Am I selfish for worrying about myself?... No, thinking about it, he'd probably get annoyed with me for feeling bad about what I did again. I swear he's already told me to stop feeling bad about it, like, a million times. So I'm going to worry about myself and my feelings some more. Why not? It's important to treat yourself sometimes.

Now I have another dilemma. As I just said, or thought or whatever, I'm scared of Tsukki rejecting me but, on the other hand, I am really, really impatient. In actuality, it's only been about a month since me and him started going on dates but, in my head, it feels like it's been a damn eternity! I have to ask him out soon before I actually... perish or something! But that's scary... he's going to reject me...

No, I have to have hope about this! Wasn't he the one who asked me on the first date anyway? If he was absolutely one hundred percent not interested in anything romantic, there's no way he would've done that! So he must be at least a little bit interested in me, right? Yeah, right! I like the sound of that. Tsukki likes me, probably just a little, but he still likes me and that means that I should just bite the bullet and ask him out because he likes me and he hopefully won't say no. Besides, even if he does reject me, at least he won't see me cry because I'll just shoot him a text. I know that asking someone out over text is a little scummy but I can't exactly go and see him right now. He deliberately told me, and I quote, not to bother him today because he's 'busy with work'. Busy with work? I didn't even think he had a job? Mind you, you've got to pay for college somehow. I totally thought Tsukishima was clever enough to get a scholarship though! Maybe he just didn't go for one? Eh, it's not really any of my business. I'll just drop him a text now and he can respond to it when he gets back from... whatever he's doing. Oh my god, maybe he has a job interview! That's pretty damn important! Well, if he does have an interview, I hope it goes well for him.

I grab my phone and shoot him a text quickly. It's badly phrased because if I think about it for too long, I'll probably back out but hey, it gets my point across just fine. God, I hope this goes well...

~Tsukishima~

I finally get back to my dorm and close the door, going over to my bed and flopping down. I sigh. Today has been a long god damn day but hey, at least the interview went well. I'm not sure if I've got the job or not yet - I should find out in a couple of weeks but, until then, I'm playing the waiting game. When I first started college, I wasn't exactly planning on getting a job. The possibility was on my mind, sure, but I don't spend that much money on things and I thought I could get by with my savings. Boy, was I wrong. It turns out that I need a job and, if I don't get this one, I'm going to have to apply for another one. It'll be fine though, I'm sure I'll land a job eventually.

Maybe I should check my phone. I haven't checked it since I left for the interview and it's been muted the whole time, obviously, it's not very professional to be constantly checking your phone in the middle of a job interview. I grab my phone and take it off mute, reading over my notifications. I've got at least five messages from Akiteru, asking me about how the interview went, as well as random notifications from various different apps. As I scroll further down, I catch sight of another notification and my eyes basically blow out of my skull. It's from Hinata and, oh boy, I am not even sure what I'm supposed to think about it.

littlered10: Hi Tsukki! So like, this is a little sudden (but not unexpected lol) but I think we've been doing this for long enough. I love going on dates with you, I really do, but enough is enough and I'm getting tired of keeping this to myself. I really, really do like you and... yeah. Do you want to be my boyfriend? It's totally ok if it's a no! I'd understand :) I just want to know if you'll date me or not. No hard feelings!

I'm honestly struggling to process this. I kind of guessed that Hinata wanted us to get back together and the idea of being with him sure is nice but... I don't know if I can trust him. I know I told him not to worry about it anymore, but that doesn't mean that I can't be worried about it. I don't want to get my heart broken again, not by him, and while he does seem like he's changed for the better, I can't be sure of it. So, as much as I want to, I don't think I can say yes just yet.

saltyshima: Well, I knew that this would happen at some point. I'm sorry but I can't agree to this just yet. I like you a lot, Hinata, but I need some time to think this over.

littlered10: That's understandable!! Take all the time you need!!

I sigh in relief. Thank god he took that well... But this has just confirmed that I need to get Kageyama's contact details off of Kindaichi. I need to get someone else's word on Hinata before I even think about giving him a straight answer but hey, at least he's the one who decided to ask the question. At least I didn't have to do it...