BAD BOY SAVED (male pov)

Suppressing Urges

O: Hey, what you up to? X

I stared at her message for about five minutes before opening it. How was I supposed to reply to that because there was no way I could answer honestly.

L: I'm at home.

My thumb hovered over the send button. I knew sending her that message would make her instantly worry and I didn't want that. She might even feel inclined to come over and I certainly didn't want that, not with Jax still walking free. So I deleted the words.

L: I'm having alone time.

Hmm, that sounds a little abrupt.

L: I'm having alone time, with my hand.

Disgusting.

L: I'm having alone time, with my hand because I cant stop thinking about you, about us and I wish you were here.

Might as well go all out.

Shit!

I sat up in bed with frantic haste, I nearly pressed send. My heart thundered loudly within my chest and I deleted the message immediately. My phone vibrated against my palm and this time when I opened her message she had sent me a photo of her and everyone else at Jordan's house.

Didn't I say I was staying there all weekend?

Shit!

I let out a frustrated sigh, yet again adjusting the lower half of my body and re zipping up my jeans to keep everything confined. Starting to wish I had just sent the message now. I threw on my leather jacket and practically ran the journey to Jordan's house.

"Evening Liam, Mr Peers is in the annex." Joanne, his housekeeper greeted me as she tended to the rose bushes in his front lawn.

"Hey Joanne, he always is." I muttered politely, making my way through his side gate and down the garden to his annex.

My whole body felt tense, like I was holding onto this heavy weight inside that desperately needed a release. My temper felt short and my patience was wearing thin. Not a great mood to be in around my friends. I breathed in deeply before hooking my fingers around the door handle and committing to whatever torturous behavior was waiting for me inside.

They were not in his game room so I opened the door of his cinema room and suddenly I was greeted with loud screams and profanities that nearly scared me half to death. I flicked the light switch and found her eyes immediately. I grabbed her hand and pulled her away from everybody else.

"I'm sorry for not replying." I admitted.

"Were where you?" She asked with curiosity and I realized my reply wouldn't be any better face to face. "Liam, if you don't want to tell me where you have been, that's fine. You're entitled to your privacy."

Start talking Liam. Tell her about your mom not your dick.

"I just feel stupid. I went to see my mom again and I felt awkward about telling you that because I know you don't like her and deep down I know I should not believe her."

"That's not stupid Liam, she's your mom."

I gave her a small thankful smile. Truthfully I did feel awkward about telling her I visited my mom again, I don't know why because she always supports me no matter what. I guess it's because deep down I know that my mom will turn her back on me again and when she does I don't want Olivia to think I genuinely believed her to be true this time.

"I guess I just felt embarrassed admitting that I was going to see her because she doesn't deserve my time, I owe her nothing yet I couldn't stop myself."

"Don't ever feel like you can't tell me something, I will always support your decision and never judge the choices you make."

"I know." I kissed her hair as I held her body close to mine. Having her this close only heightened every sexual desire that I was already feeling and suppressing inside. "I've thought about you all day." I admitted, hoping to sound sweet but I think something about the tone in my voice, or the blush on my face gave the game away.

"You have?" She seemed a little surprised. I nodded my head, of course I have. I think about her every day but today, has been a more torturous than sweet because I couldn't do anything about it. I slung my arm around her shoulders and walked with her back to our friends.

I slouched down on the blue bean bag, listening to the mindless chatter of the group while they pigged out on every snack under the sun. Olivia picked up a banana and my eyes widened.

"Not today Satan." I muttered quietly under my breath, thankfully I don't think anybody else heard. I held the flesh of my lower lip between my thumb and index finger, knowing damn well that the vision of her eating this banana was about to make my hormones rage even worse than they already were.

I watched her slowly pull back the peel, her fingers clasped around the yellow fruit delicately and I watched on in awe as she prepared to take a bite. She was completely oblivious to my intense gawk but I was shamefully mesmerized and couldn't look away. I held my breath as she highered the fruit to her mouth, softly spreading her lips around the tip.

Fuck.

I squirmed in my seat.

This was getting uncomfortable now, what the fuck was going on with me? I'm turned on because she's eating a banana. I've never been this bad.

"You okay?" She asked and she even gave me direct eye contact, still holding half a banana hanging out of her mouth I couldn't look away. I couldn't blink. I couldn't even speak.

"Mmhmm." I mumbled with a dramatic gulp.

But quite frankly I don't know if I was okay. I have never been this obsessed with sexual thoughts before. Sex was just something I did. I didn't think about it. I didn't really want it or crave it. But now I can't stop thinking about the feeling, that feeling of intimacy and love. The physical feeling of our bodies coming together and I just don't know how to stop those thoughts consuming my mind. I needed to make a swift exit.

"I gotta go the bathroom." I said weakly, pulling my eyes away from her and awkwardly walking out with my t.shirt pulled down.

Come on Liam, we can do this.

"Snails."

"Dogs breath."

"Hairy toes."

"People who pour the milk before they add the cereal."

I tapped on my jeans with hard bangs willing it away. Thinking of disgusting stuff is not working I need to think of all the things that I don't like about Liv.

"Her ..." I twisted my mouth up in thought re-imagining all of her features to see which one I disliked the most "Sometimes she..." I bit down on my index finger trying to think of a single habit of hers that annoys me. "The way she..." I thought up her clothes, which ones didn't suit her as well as others.

"Come on Liam! I need to go! What's taking so long, have you got the shits?" Jordan's annoying voice shouted from behind the door.

"Fuck off!" I shouted back.

Jesus! There's nothing I dislike about the girl.

I looked down at my man-parts, no change down there and no change up in my mind.

I just want to stop being so fucking frustrated.

Yet again I suppressed the hardness of my dick by adjusting myself and pulling my t.shirt down lower to hide it from obvious view and then I sighed, I was well and truly feeling the heavy weight of my blue balls right about now.