BAD BOY SAVED (male pov)

Late Night Chats.

My toes dug into the lush white sand as I watched the moon's reflection dance over the water surface. Jordan knocked back his bottle of beer but I kept mine loosely in my hand wondering how much I should actually tell him.

"Tia told me you and Olive are fighting?"

"You still speak to Tia?" The surprise was not lost in my voice but I knew I was only showing interest to stall his interrogation.

"Yeah, we're at the same college. She's okay." He rolled his eyes to show she irritated him. "So, why you fighting?" He pressed.

"So much has happened. She didn't like that my roommate was a girl. Reece tried to kiss me, they got it on camera and then she showed it to Olivia and everything just blew up from there." I tried to keep my voice as casual as possible, wanting to play down the whole situation and avoid any further questions.

He picked up a handful of sand and let the grains fall through his fingers.

"And does she have any reason to be worried about your roommate?" To dodge his question I took a generous swig from my beer bottle, avoiding his eye contact and keeping my voice as silent as humanly possible. I could feel him watching my every move.

"She does." He said quietly, drawing his own conclusion to my silence and leaving his words lingering out in the open night air.

"No... I don't know." I admitted feeling like the worlds biggest dick. "It's complicated."

"It's not that complicated Liam, you into your roommate or not?" The moonlight shone off his big brown eyes and it softened his face. My best friend, my brother who I trusted with my life but for some reason telling him everything still seemed daunting and my voice box held back.

How much could I share?

I sucked a large capacity of air into my lungs and held it for a lifetime. His brows furrowed at me, unable to understand why this was so hard for me. I didn't fully understand it myself.

"Back at home things were rough for me, the fights, the drugs, the girls. I was trying to fill a void and people held this perception of me that I wasn't proud of. Here nobody knew me, it was liberating. It became easier to fake the person that I wanted to be and for once in my life I could pretend I was normal.

I didn't have this shadow looming over me because nobody knew where I came from. But everything about Liv reminded me of home, the way she looked at me, her smell, her closeness. Everything. It's the only time the shadow came back."

Jordan looked out towards the bleak darkness of the sea, searching for unfounded answers. I knew he couldn't fully understand what I was telling him but it felt good to talk about it anyway. I had a sickening feeling of dread inside of me, I didn't want him ask anymore questions about home. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't think about it.

"And where does Reece fit into that?" He pushed.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself.

"I went through so many girls, using them and then tossing them aside like they were a piece of trash. Then Liv came into my life and the girls were not enough for me, I wasn't getting what I needed anymore. So my body started rejecting them."

"You couldn't get it up?" He asked with a tug of a smirk to his lips.

I could feel the heat bubbling up inside my cheeks and I threw my hand over my eyes.

"Fuck, talking about this with you is so embarrassing." I admitted.

"Hey, you know you can talk to me about anything." He said sincerely, wiping the smirk off his face. "Go on." He encouraged with a nod.

"I only wanted Liv, that is until I got here and met Reece. She was doing yoga exercises in this tiny little outfit that showed everything and it got a rise. I didn't understand it and I didn't like it. I felt like I was cheating on Liv in someway. I tried to stop it, to not think of her like that but it kept happening."

I hated admitting that. Saying it out loud made it feel real and I felt like I was betraying the one girl who I loved with all of my heart.

"Then Reece tried to kiss me, I rejected her of course. I have no emotional connection to her. I don't want her so I don't understand why my body is reacting in that way to her."

"Fuck. Liam you know that's normal right?" Jordan's face looked at me with a questionable glance, he wasn't sure if I was pulling his leg. "My dick goes up and down like a yo-yo, it's getting hard just thinking about those yoga pants."

"Jordan!" I coiled back in disgust.

"Honestly you're nineteen, how do you not know how your dick works?" He let a light hearted giggle escape from his lips but my silence shut him down instantly because he sensed the mood between us had dipped and there was something much heavier on my mind now.

Just tell him Liam, you can trust him, he won't think less of you.

"A lot happened to me when I was growing up... there was a man..." I said quietly, not able to look him in the face. "It fucked me up." Shame oozed out of me and I felt his eyes on me like two blades cutting deeply into my skin. I didn't need to explain further, he just understood. He remained quiet, nothing but the sound of waves crashing in the distance broke the silence.

"Liam..." He said with a strong tone of unmasked sympathy.

"Don't." I warned abruptly.

"I can't." I held my hand up to stop him from talking.

"I don't want to talk about it." I took another swig from my beer bottle, knocking back every last drop. Out of the corner of my vision I could see him hanging his head downwards but he respected my wishes and didn't pry into my business any further.

"So you don't have feelings for Reece?" He pulled himself together and resumed our conversation, his voice was croaky and I wondered if he was upset for me.

"I just think she's hot and I like hanging out with her because her personality is cool but that's as far as it goes, that's as far as it will ever go." There was no doubt in my voice. My relationship with Olivia was something I was so sure on and nothing was going to come between that.

"And I assume Olive knows about your past?" Jordan asked.

"She knows everything."

"Liam you gotta talk to Olive man, you went from hooking up with loads of girls to hooking up with one girl - right?" I confirmed with a nod, I've never actually told my friends that Olivia and I hooked up, I just felt like it was too personal to share. I guess eventually they all just assumed we had done it but mostly it was none of their business.

"Then your body is bound to be confused. I think it's all physiological, something in your mind was broken before and then Olive came along and helped you but now that you're fixed your mind is seeing girls in a different way. It's like going through puberty all over again, like when you first start figuring things out after you realize your sexuality."

Jordan's analogy seemed to make sense to me and talking to him helped lighten my guilt. Having him here for twenty four hours made me really realize how much I missed him and the others. My friends just understood me, they didn't need to ask questions or dwell over the mistakes I had made. They just supported me through and through.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." I told him.

"So Tia and I have been talking about the next term break and we think it would be amazing if we all went down to my lake house for a couple of weeks ... get the gang back together." Jordan said excitedly.

"Yeah I'm up for that." I smiled at the thought of getting away with all of my old friends and creating new memories. "So Tia, huh?" I asked with a knowing smile.

"Ugh, she drives me crazy." He complained.

But I knew Jordan well enough to recognize the glint to his eye and the smile on his face whenever her name was mentioned. Jordan and Tia, who would have thought it?