In which a poet named Juniper meets a faceless streamer who goes by Corpse Husband.
With all the joys of releasing her first book, there also comes set backs. Having a strong support system and people around you who care is the only thing keeping J...
All the little words in your head are exactly that. In your head. ~ Me
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I'm still not exactly all there. Every part of me is begging to go back to bed, to disappear from everything. From myself. But I stay seated on that couch as Corpse orders us takeout. He also was kind enough to hand me a blanket and the television remote before he left to call the restaurant. So I know that leaving after the kind gesture would be extremely rude.
I've been staring at the blank TV screen for a while now, not really interested in putting anything on. I could continue with Queen's Gambit but that's Rae and I's thing. It'll just make me more sad to watch it without her.
So I just sit here and wait for Corpse to come back. There's this weird tension in the air between us. The longer I sit here, the more I realize it. Like this crazy thing happened with him somehow getting involved and now we're both unsure of whether to talk about it or not. Unsure of how to handle it all.
I know I should talk about it instead of wallow in the trauma but it's easier said than done. I'm not myself and I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I can't help but feel like I'm not meant to ever have anything good. The second things start looking up, the world seems to come crashing down on me.
As I'm thinking this over, I feel some tears fall down my cheeks. I've never been this fragile and emotional before. With Sarah I just sort of shut myself off. I didn't want to feel anything for a long time. But this is different. It seems like I'm constantly feeling everything all at once.
"Food has been ordered. I wasn't sure what you liked so I got some of the basics." Corpse enters the room and then stops when he notices that I'm not okay. He sits back down in his spot on the couch quietly and I look at him with sadness written all over my face.
"Do you want to talk about what happened? I know it's a lot to process but I'm here for you. If you need." He says.
The way he speaks warms me up a little and I think I might be able to do this. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath to gather myself. Where do I start? I don't know. For some reason I want to ask about Rae first. So I do.
"What did Rae say to you?"
He looks at me with concern still visible and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Hands interlacing as he answers my question. "She wants to see you. I told her that it's probably not a good time," He pauses for a moment, "I told her what I knew of what happened and she said that she wants to explain the situation on her end but again, I said to just hold off until you're ready."
"Oh."
"I'm pissed at her. Just in general for not looking after you when she should've."
I'm feeling that anger too. I briefly had thought about her in my moments of being alone on that street and why she wasn't there. But now it's really hit me. She didn't answer my calls or even notice I left the bar. If that's even what happened.
