They've put the comforter over their whole bodies to help keep their noises insulated, just in case, and though there's a small opening just past Toni's head for air and a little bit of moonlight it makes Toni's body feel too warm and it's nearly impossible to see anything.
Shelby's mouth is soft and hot and wet on Toni's neck and Toni's just trying to breathe, in, out, in, out, tells herself don't be loud, don't make any noise at all, and Shelby's hands are slow on her body, touching her waist and sliding over her ribcage and barely brushing her chest and they scorch Toni's skin even through the shirt she's still wearing, and she's deeply worried that she's made a promise she won't be able to keep, because those fingers are meant to be inside of her soon and she can barely handle them on her body at all.
Shelby's never laid down fully on top of her like this for longer than a few seconds, and it's a lot, having Shelby's body pressed up against her in all the places Shelby chooses, having her own body straining up for more contact when it isn't exactly what Toni would've chosen, being the one with her hands sliding over Shelby's shoulder blades and down her back, tracing her spine through the thin tank top she'd worn to bed.
"Slow down," she whispers, and Shelby nuzzles into her neck and stops kissing her, breathing a little harshly herself.
"I can't go any slower, Toni," she mumbles, but Toni feels her hips shifting a little over Toni's thighs and has to bite her lip to make herself not react.
It's not a turn-on to be doing it like this; there's a genuine fear, and Toni feels it, too, deep in her chest and her gut, thinks about what Shelby would feel if the door suddenly swung open and they were caught like this, or even worse, if they were caught after things had progressed further, and even running through the scenario in her head kills Toni's arousal a little, but there's just so much want running through her—and through Shelby too, she knows—in the first place that it feels worth the risk.
She's also worried that this will wind up being goodbye, is terrified that it just won't be good enough, that Shelby will weigh this night and decide that the sex is okay and the feelings are there but it's just not enough, so Toni should take off to California and never look back. Toni's stuck wanting everything about this to be perfect and also knowing that it can't be.
She knows she blew it last year; they had so many opportunities to do everything they wanted, to spend time together alone and talk and get to know each other more and to be loud during sex, and now this is what they're left with, is all the time they can manage to scrape up to do this, and Shelby has to do it ready to slip her hand over Toni's mouth.
Shelby moves her head up, kisses Toni sweetly on the jaw and cups one of her cheeks while she presses a kiss to the other, and Toni can't help but smile, because God, she's missed her so much, and it's just so Shelby to kiss her on the cheek during foreplay, to even think about doing something like that when her mouth and neck and ear are right there. Shelby's mouth moves to cover hers and Toni melts into their kiss and lets her hands drift lower, onto the material of Shelby's pajama shorts and over the curves of her body.
They have rules for this, tonight. No sudden touches. No quick movements. No rolling around or doing anything that would make the bed creak or the headboard hit the wall.
So Toni's hands are gentle and she waits until she's sure Shelby knows what she's doing before she guides her down into a slow grind against Toni's hips, and Shelby's breath is hot and heavy against her mouth but she's quiet, and they both just seem content to keep kissing and enjoy the light friction for a moment. Toni feels like her head is spinning and for some reason she thinks back to Shelby at the dance in December, saying she wouldn't call herself hot, and Toni wants to laugh it's so utterly ridiculous.
