It isn't long before Toni fucks it all up again.
Martha's the one who shows her the video that ruins everything. It's the third week of May and Toni has confirmed that this thing with Shelby is beyond over. Whatever her father has said to her about talking to Toni late at night has very clearly scared her off permanently, and eventually Toni feels a bit stupid for putting even an ounce of value in any of it at all; they've gone right back to ignoring each other at best and snipping at each other when the occasion calls for it, and it's amazing, Toni realizes, how little progress they've ultimately made across so many months. It all really was so fragile, and it's too easy to bury the real feelings Toni knows they tiptoed around and go back to genuinely hating Shelby—or at least whatever version of it this is now, where they never get along but Toni keeps Shelby's secret anyway.
She's with Regan now, and she's been feeling a little lighter since Prom, has been occupying herself with sex that makes her feel warm and loved with someone she trusts to stick around this time, and it's right as Martha's telling her that she seems so much less on edge lately that Shelby walks up to Martha's locker and asks, "Hey, are we still on for today, Martha?" She ignores Toni, and for a moment, much to Toni's surprise, Martha looks like she might ignore Shelby. But then she sighs and turns, and her body language is stiff.
"I don't think so, Shelby," she says, and Toni stares and wonders what the fuck is going on.
Shelby's smile dies and she glances from Martha to Toni, bites her lip, says, "Oh, okay," and then leaves.
"What the fuck was that?" Toni asks, and Martha looks hesitant.
"She's just not the person I thought she was," Martha says, and it's way too vague, so vague that Toni begins to suspect she's missed something big.
"What's going on, Marty?"
Martha pulls her into the girls' bathroom and explains that Shelby was in some uber-Christian pageant over the weekend, then opens a text from Fatin that reads "This bitch. And she actually WON," followed by a whole host of emojis Toni can't be bothered to decipher beyond that they look angry, and then Fatin's sent a video below it and Martha presses play and then hands the phone to Toni. Toni watches the video—recorded in mediocre quality from the front row of the audience—with a lump in her throat.
Shelby's on stage in a pink dress when one of the judges asks her, "What are your views on the homosexual lifestyle choice?" and Toni watches her take a deep breath before she answers, a wide, pageant-friendly smile on her lips.
"Oh, I've been raised to know that that kind of behavior is sinful," she says, her southern drawl a little more pronounced than usual, and it's obviously being put on for the benefit of the judges but it sounds just like it does when Toni's really turning her on. Toni hates the stupid fake smile on her face, wants to crush Martha's phone in her hands already but keeps watching anyway, trying to ignore the way the betrayal feels like a knife to her chest. She knows Shelby's selling this for a reason, that her dad is definitely watching and now more than ever Shelby probably wants to distance herself from Toni and anything gay, but it still hurts to hear her finally say the words herself. "There are a lot of good people of God who've used their faith to help those strugglin' with same-sex attraction find their way back to the Lord and live healthy, fulfilling, heterosexual lives, and I urge anyone with those struggles to seek help. Givin' into earthly temptations just isn't worth missin' out on an eternity in Heaven."
And now Shelby's unrecognizable. Toni isn't sure she knows who this Shelby is, if maybe something has changed in her after all since they last spoke on the night of the phone call, because this is going too fucking far, feels so completely and utterly cruel and... just, unnecessary. The crowd gives her a standing ovation and she waves back politely, still smiling as the judges nod amongst themselves and take notes on the papers in front of them. The video comes to an abrupt end and Toni feels like she can't breathe.
