Stop, Ready and Go

Kabanata 19

The tension around us is havier than my weight. Nakayuko lang ako at hinihintay siyang magsalita dahil siya naman ang nagdala sa akin dito sa garden. We're facing each other while sitting on the hospital garden.

She faked a cough. “ One million kapalit ng paglayo mo sa anak ko..” Nagpanganga ako sa sinambit nito. Isang milyon para saan? Natuliro ako
bigla, para akong tangang nanlalaki ang mata habang madramang nakatakip ang palad sa bibig.

“M-Ma’am..” Nauutal kong sambit.

She rolled her eyes. “Still not enough? Two million then! Layuan mo lamang si Ysmael you're not good for him!” Tumigil ako sa pag-iisip saglit na bumuntong hininga.

The moment I opened my eyes I answered her. “O-Okay po..”

“What?” Her mouth gaped open.

She was blinking multiple times while I continued to talk on this negotiation. “Pwede po bang pa cash nalang iyong two million?” Naubo ang ginang sa narinig paulit-ulit na pinunasan ang damit na nabasa dahil sa kanyang kapabayaan.

Gusto niyang magdesisyon ako tapos ngayon ibinigay ko na ang paunang salita ay kulang nalang atakihin ito.

“Are you kidding me?!” She blurted out.

Umiling ako at pinanatili ang seryosong ekspresyon upang ipakitang wala ako sa mood makipagbiruan. “Hindi po, pa cash nalang po nung two million baka po mag ooffer din kayo ng house and lot?”

“Oh god!” Tumayo ang ginang at nagwalk out bigla, iniwan ako sa table namin. Nagkibit balikat na lamang ako.

“I won't help my son if you're beside him. You're the reason why he's suffering.” I felt a pang on my chest the repugnance on her voice was thick as brick. “I swear to God I will endure my son! I know he won't do what I want that's why I want you to follow instead. ”

Nasasakal ako. Para akong nasa hukom na isang maling salita lang ay ikakamatay ko na. “M-Ma’am..”

“Your reasons are lame. There's no such thing as what you're implying here. You told me that you're slowly changing for the better because of my son? He's the main reason? Ridiculous!” Mataray nitong inilapag ang kanyang mamahaling purse. “Dapat ay nagbabago ka para sa sarili mo! Gawin mong motibasyon si Ysmael upang magbago hindi ang gawin siyang dahilan! If you won't met Ysmael then you won't change for the better? You'll remain as a cunning, pretentious bitch?”

“M-Mahal ko po ang anak niyo..”

“If you love him then let me take care of the rest. You will follow what I want you to do. By means, you'll stay away from him and change for yourself, to be better and when times come that you're able to prove me that you did change. ” She stared me into depts of my soul. “I’ll let my son be with you. Dahil sigurado na akong wala kang ibang dahilan para makasama siya kundi ang pagmamahal. He's willing to risk everything he had for you but I couldn't see any trace of you willingly risking yourself for him. I'm concluding that the feeling you has is not love.. Ysmael is just a thing that gives you assurance, a thing that you can lean on. Isang bagay na maari mong sandalan ng walang ibinibigay na kapalit. You're taking him for granted and as his mother I won't allow any woman to treat my unico iho unfairly.” I was dumbfounded. Maybe his mother is right.. “Think again.”

Silence embrace us Mrs. Dela Serna just shrugged off as she waits for my decision. “I-I love him so much that it hurts.. Ysmael is the only person I have.. The only person that loves me unconditionally..”