Stop, Ready and Go

Kabanata 8

I hate this strange feelings of mine! I can't pinpoint what's happening on me, it's like a sudden pang of pain struck on my heart and continued rapidly.

Ang gulo! Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganitong bagay, hindi ako tanga pero mas natatakot ako na baka malalim na pala ang nararamdaman kong ito. Come to think of it, we just met! We just met on a wrong time, wrong place.  So why the fuck... Argh.

I continued walking on a fast pace, doing all I could just to get away from this place specially to avoid Ysmael. That conniving man! He's to innocent but at the same time cunning and naughty, he will do things that I'm not aware of and in a sudden spur, I found myself giving in on all his antics.

“Ally! Hey!” I heard his shout from a far. Bumilis ang paglalakad ko at dumiretso papalabas ng kumpanya, wala akong pake kahit pagtinginan kami ng mga empleyado nito. I was close to getting away when a built of a woman suddenly bump towards me.

“What the hell?! Are you blind?!” She shouted and pointed her fingers filled with expensive jewelry. My mind was clouded with thoughts that instantly vanished when I felt a cold liquid flowing on my head. “Imbicle! Empleyado ka ba rito? You should be fired! Ang tanga-tanga mo! You ruined my outfit! Bulag ka ba?!” Her voice was loud coated with rage.

I felt so low especially when a bunch of people were all watching the scene. Bathing with the cold milktea, I looked so defeated. Ganito iyon, ganitong-ganito noon. Kasalanan ko, totoo iyon dahil hindi ako tumitingin sa dinadaanan ko pero hindi naman ata tamang ipahiya niya ako sa lahat..

My sight remained on the ground. “S-Sorry ma'am.. H-Hindi ko po sinasadya..” Ani ko, a sarcastic laugh was replied.

Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso, may mga nagvi-video na at nagbubulungan. Bakit naman hindi? Ganiyan sila, ganiyan ang mga tao ngayon. Hindi ko nilalahat pero karamihan ay ganito. Mga taong nasisiyahan sa ganitong sitwasyon na imbes tumulong ay manonood na lamang, mga taong ginagawang entertainment ang pagbagsak ng kapwa datapwat magwawala  at manunumbat kung sakanila mangyayari.

Ipopost sa social media, mag cocomment ng mga sitpatya, isha-share, pag-uusapan hanggang sa maglaho nalamang kinalaunan. Bakit kaya? Masaya ba? Nakakasaya ba ang ganito?

“Sa tingin mo ba mababayaran niyang sorry mo ang katangahan mong ito? Oh my god, what an idiot person you are! Who the hell you manage to work here at Dela Serna! Did you seduce one of the boards? ” Ramdam ko ang pagpasada ng tingin nito. “Looking at your physique, mukhang katawan mo ang nagtrabaho..”

Anong connect nito sa sitwasyon? Insulto? Para sa maliit na problema'y bakit papalakihin? Makitid ang utak? Mainitin ang ulo?

It was the cue for me to calmly talk. I fake coughed while hiding my nervousness. “Ma'am I think your words are below the belt, you're crossing the lines. I'm sorry if I accidentally bump on you, I'm sorry I didn't mean to. But you don't have the rights to insult me in front of a crowd.” The madam gave me her glare. “Point taken that it was my fault that's why I'm giving my apologies. Are you satisfied by insulting me in the crowd? Are you satisfied degrading someone for a small reason?” She rolled her eyes.

“Nonsense!” She exclaimed.

I laughed a little. “Yes ma'am, this whole thing is nonsense.”

Akma itong magwawala ng maramdaman ko ang presensya ng taong dahilan kung bakit ako nawawala sa sarili. Ang taong dahilan kung bakit nagkakagulo pati mga ninuno ko. Si Ysmael.

His aura changed, from a innocent and naughty man from a cold and icy aura. “Ma,” one word made my world stopped. “What's happening here?” Tanong niya.

The lady went near Ysmael hugging him tightly with a tears forming on the side of her eyes, pityful. “Anak.. Who's this girl? Can you see what she did to me? She bump me intentionally! That girl is a disrespectful!” Sumbong nito, lumipat ang malamig na tingin ni Ysmael sa akin.

“Miss Kancia.. Is that what happened?” He asked, I shooked my head. “Don't lie..” That left we beyond upset. Mukha ba akong sinungaling?

Ay oo nga pala sinungaling ako, hindi na dapat tinatanong. I hid a bitter smile. “You should fire her!” Ani ng ina niya. Mr. Dela Sena caressed his mothers back before instructing her to go outside, the guards already take care off the crowds who's busy gossiping. And that left me with Ysmael.

His hands were on his pockets looking so dashing with his serious expression. “You are unreasonable Ally.” Anito. “Be professional enough, you're not kid anymore to play around.” Mali ako. Tinatanggap ko. “Look what you've done, you left Mr. Jeruso, you're my secretary but you aren't doing your job. Ally, you ran away like a mad woman for an unknown reason. Nakakahiya sa kasama ko kanina, nakakahiya ang inaasal mo. Plus, what you did to my mother. You can lose your job because of your actions! Think maturely Ally hindi ka na bata!” Sermon niya, mabigat ang hininga ko. Pinipigilan ang emosyong nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Sa labas ng kumpanya, walang tao, kaming dalawa pero mas malaki ang impact ng mga salita nito kaysa sa nanay niya. Bakit? Bakit parang mas ibinaon ako nito sa kahihiyan? Kasalanan ko, alam ko. Hindi dapat ako nagreact ng ganoon pero bakit sobra naman ata?

Nakatango lang ako, “s-sorry...” Iyon lang ang mga salitang binitawan ko.

“It doesn't mean that I'm getting comfortable with you,” he stopped. “You will do things that  crossing the line, Ally we're adults hindi ka na bata para mag tantrums. Nakakahiya! Look Mr. Jeruso left it's because of your embarrassing actions.. I'm the boss you're the secretary nothing more, nothing less. We're just playing around. You're a mere woman and I'm known man!” Para akong dinaganan ng limang sumo wrestler sa mga sinasabi ni Ysmael.

Gusto kong magsalita pero hindi ko magawa. Kasalanan mo Ally, nagpapadala ka sa mga ginagawa niya sayo. Ikaw lang ang nag-iisip na espesyal ang mga iyon, na may namamagitan sa inyo. Hindi ka na natuto.

I fix my posture, tama silang lahat. Tama siya. “I'm sorry sir, I'll do better. Don't worry, ” his mouth gaped open like he was so shock at my response. “Kung gagawa ulit ako ng kahihiyan you're free to fire me sir, I'll take the responsibility for my incompetence. ”

“Ally.. I was just––”

Huwag nalang, ayoko nang makarinig pa ng mga bagay-bagay. “No, sir. Since we're clarifying things between us, I'll take this opportunity to talk.” Ani ko. “First I'll come back on my old apartment, I'll stop being so feeling close. I'll stop annoying and talking back to you like we know each other for a long time. I got all the things you meant sir, don't worry.. ”

Tumalikod na ako sakanya, bumalik sa loob ng kumpanya na para bang hindi napagalitan at napahiya sa katangahan ko. Dumiretso ako sa restroom upang manghilamos at pagalitan ang sarili. I remained inside debating what just happened. I can't help but to cover my face with my palms, started crying silently.

No one knew that I was sensitive, sensitive enough to cry my heart out. Alam kong kasalanan ko pero wala na atang sasakit pa sa mga sinabi ni Ysmael, yung tingin niya sa akin. Bakit parang napakababa naman? I laughed at myself, ang tanga mo. Hindi ka na natuto.

Why in the first place I settled myself from the things I don't deserve? I should stop, stop this feelings habang maaga pa.

Kahit baliktarin man ang mundo, sinungaling, mahirap galing sa ampunan ako habang siya ay galing sa kilalang pamilya, mayaman at higit sa lahat nababagay sa babaeng kayang pantayan kung anong meron siya.

I guess I should consider the  flags.