E-Diary Freshman Year

Week 21

Day 93:

Okay actually I'm going to switch something so the video for last week will be A Simple Question posted by Connor Franta and this week will be Astronaut by Simple plan. So one second and then I'll write.

Okay, so now onto the actual story. So, I'm reading Afterworlds. And here's what I realized today, thanks to Scott Westerrfeld. Now, I love his books, but this isn't too great.

I don't want an afterlife. All that would mean for me is more time to think. Do I want to see my grandma and grandpa and dog and aunt and meet my other grandpa and cousin? YES. Of course I do, but not if that means that I have to be concious forever. That's way too long.

But yeah I think I did okay on te history test, practice PALs in Latin, resume thing in econ & per fin, boring lab stuff in bio. And that's school today.

But my mom left fr Costa Rica this morning. That means wakingmyself up until Thursday. I woke up at 5am today, turned off 3 alarms, and then woe up at 6. It was painful. I'm practically asleep, as I write this.

7:29 - If you're depressed, do you ever have one of those days where everything is actually going great? Like you're genuinly happy and in a pretty good mood. As much as someone who's depressed can be, of course.

Well, I was close. So close. I'm crying right now, because I almost made it. See, I normally go to sleep pretty much right after a shower. So, when I got home, I showered. That way my hair would be dry when I went to sleep. But, NO. So, yes I had 2 very bad panic attacks at school, to the point where I could hear my hearbeat in my head. But, today was actually pretty okay. But, when my dad got home, everything changed.

So we ate our chipotle and then my dad said that my brother and I would have to bring in the garbage and recylcing because we didn't earlier, but we didn't know that wee were expected to. Or at least I didn't. I ddn't know that I was the one feeding the dog twice a daay and bringing in a trash can. I'm sorry. I guess I should've used my phsycic ability to figure out EVERYTHING that I'm supposed to do.

I tried cutting. That's the real reason that I'm writing right now. I showered twice and I tried cutting and I hate the people that I live with. That's it, I think. But, I wasn't stong enough to cut my ankle. I can't do anything right. I doubt I could even commit suicide right.

Day 94:

I don't remember how today was. Okay-ish. Whatever. I took a nap, which isn't like me. My throat hurts. I want a hug from mom who's in Costa Rica until Thursday.

I'm falling asleep now. Last night I watched Cyberbully. I dont know. I guess it was good. My hands are about done now.

Day 95:

Ah the joy of illness. Test in science. Clara wasn't at school. Started a project in history. I feel so incredibly sick.

Day 96:

Chose not to write because i felt like 100% crap.

Day 97:

Firday 13th.

2/13/15 is now a horrible day.

First, let me say, school was boring but yesterday my English teacher said that we can write a short story instead of an essay on the Odyssey if we want. Tomorrow is SAD. Singles Awareness Day.

Today, however, is humorless and sad.

Someone named Sam has left the world. It's so unfair because he was so steong. On instagram, he was @ official.persassius.jackson but around the time that everything (I'll explain in a minute) happened, someone got onto his phone or something and deleted all his posts and gave the accouint to an 11 yea old girl. Sam's girlfriend is or was a girl named Emi, @ official.annabeth.chase and I really hope she'll be okay.

So. earlier in 2015 Emi was hospitalized for something she still hasn't made public. All he followers, myself included, know is that she should've died from what happened. I know that in late 2014 Sam's account was hacked so he changed from @ official.perseus.jackson to persassius. I also remember something in late 2014 where one of them was hospitalized or maybe their fried Alex but I know that Emi and Sam have both beem through so, so much. And Emi has a younger brother named James who I follow on instagram, @fanboy.btw and I love his account and I think he commented that he's worthless or awful or something on one of her posts and I'm worried about James and Emi and Alex and another girl named Grace.

So, on one of Emi's posts there was some fighting and things were said and regrets were made. I think there was a girl named Grace who tried to kill herself because she thought that Emi hated her. Or that Emi didn't care. I don't know. All I know is that Friday the 13th was actually bad this year.

I also know that in te comment storm there were lies. Someone lied aout things. Someone said that Emi was a brown haired 14 year old girl but Emi has been saying she's a blonde 17 year old girl. The girl saying this was Grace. And to make things worse, after Sam was confirmed dead, someone blamed Emi for Grace trying to kill herself.

Honestly, this is one thing that I might delete because if one of them finds it and wants me to take this out I will or if people start commenting saying that I don't know anything or something else but just know, I don't know anything about them. I don't know what other people know because I never followed Sam or Grace and I only just started following Emi. It's just what I've found in comments that I've said. I think I'm actually just using this to figure out what happened and organize my thoughts. I followed the comments for at least an hour or two so it's a lot of information. I'm really comfused right now.