suffocation | dreamnotfound

june 18th/20th

as soon as george got off the phone with sapnap, he tapped a nurse's shoulder and politely asked if he could sit in the room with dream. lucky for him, most of the doctors had cleared out, shaking their head as if they were silently saying there was nothing they could do anymore but wait.

george walked quietly into the room, taking a look at the beeping machines and multiple iv's that were hooked up into dream. it knocked the wind out of him, the sight of his once invincible friend so weak. he had never admitted it to dream's face, but george had always admired him; he admired his ability to bounce back, to deal with hate, his strength in all situations. now dream curled in on himself like the pages of an old journal, past their prime and fragile. it was an unbearable sight.

george kneeled against the hospital bed, gently taking dream's hands into his own, being careful not to disturb any of the iv's. he bowed his head, tears falling onto their entwined hands. he needed to say something, knowing this was most likely his final opportunity; for all george knew, this could even be goodbye. the hourglass was running out of sand, the clock ticking.

time was a currency, and george was broke.

he looked at dream's face, mostly hidden beneath an oxygen mask, but still he took the beauty of him in. he wanted to run his thumbs across his cheeks, count the freckles on his face, run his hands through his hair. george wanted to take his enchroma glasses and look into dream's eyes; were they as green as he said? would george ever get to see his eyes?

finally, george opened his mouth.

"please just wake up. i wish i knew what you went through, and i wish i could take this pain away. you didn't deserve to struggle for months just because i was denser than a rock and full of self-hatred and absolutely terrified at the thought of love. if i had just payed attention...if i had just realized...maybe then-" george cut himself off with a sob, then took a deep breath to continue. "i know you probably would yell at me for blaming myself, but it's so hard. if you die right here, i don't think i could forgive myself.

why didn't you tell me? i wish i knew what your thought process was. i thought i knew so much about you, but now i'm not sure. and i guess you probably think the same about me. ironic, isn't it?" george let out a strangled laugh before ducking his head down so his forehead would rest against the bedsheets.

"you've made me undeniably happy. i would be miserable without you: i would have never gotten close to anyone and i would've spent the rest of my life thinking there was something wrong with me. but you made me realize i was worth so much more and i can never thank you enough for that. you made me feel all the positives in life. i need to repay the favor.

the night you told me you were leaving was so out of the blue that i knew something was wrong. my clay would never leave every single friend he made online without an explanation. i hope you're not angry i showed up at your doorstep, by the way. i needed to see you and get closure if you really planned on not coming back. i never expected this outcome. still, i'm glad i found you. maybe i gave us one final chance by doing that."

george looked up at dream who still laid motionless. he shook his head, trying to continue through the pain.

"i wish these weren't our circumstances, but i won't ever be given a better time if i don't do it now. if you can hear me, just know i love you. romantically. and it fucking sucks-" george's voice cracked and it took him a moment to be able to continue. "it fucking sucks that it takes you being on your deathbed just to get me to admit it. it feels wrong that it happened this way, but i promise i'm not lying about loving you just so you'll stay alive. this isn't a fleeting love that showed up in a second and will disappear just as fast. this is a love i repressed for months, but now i'm learning to let it blossom.

when you left me, i realized how much you meant to me. it was like the floor was ripped out from under me and i learned that you kept me stable. these past few days have been agony; i can't eat, can't sleep, can't pretend like i could live a life without you. it's more than just a desire for facetime calls and playing minecraft together. i want a life where we buy a house together and wake up next to each other. now, i feel like that's too much to ask.

is it too late? i ruined us, clay. i ruined you. i killed you because i was too late."

hours went by in silence, with the occasional doctor coming in to check on dream. eventually, george began to drift off, his forehead still pressed against the sheets.

while george fell into a restless doze, dream opened his eyes. he saw the fuzzy outline of the boy next to him and wanted to hold him tightly, but he felt so weak. giving george's hand a small squeeze, the only act of affection he could manage, dream let his eyes flutter closed again. he was too tired to keep them open.

~~

over forty eight hours.

two days had gone by, and still dream stayed unconscious. sapnap and bad had arrived to keep george company, and they set up a system of rotation so that all three weren't staying at the hospital for the entirety of the visiting hours. still, george insisted on staying even when it wasn't his shift. no matter what sapnap and bad said, he sat in the hospital room most of the time, and eventually the two boys stopped arguing.

with a falling heart, george began to believe that they had already lost dream. shouldn't he be awake since george returned his love? he asked that question to the others, and they tried to reassure him that it would probably still take time before he woke up.

neither of them really believed their own words when they said everything would be okay.

dream's family frequently came to visit as well, and the entire group mourned together. dream meant so much to everyone that the pain was insurmountable.

drista had sat with george, tears glistening on her cheeks, but she was still somehow stronger than he was. george assumed that strength ran in the family.

"he always spoke very highly of you. he couldn't imagine a life without you and he doesn't want you to feel guilty for anything. he loves you so much." drista spoke surely, looking george in the eye. she gave him a hug on her way out, and george felt overwhelmed at the appreciation she showed him for making her brother's life brighter.

at the moment, george sat alone. his hope had dwindled and now he felt he was just waiting for the sound of a flatline. he held dream's hand the entire time he sat, even though it felt so cold. george just wanted to hold onto dream for as long as possible.

the first time dream opened his eyes, george nearly missed it. they were open for no more than three seconds before they were shut again, almost making george believe he had imagined it in his sleep deprived state. but only a few minutes later, dream opened his eyes again and this time, he looked george straight in the eye.

"am i dead?" dream whispered, and george wanted to cry with relief.

"no, you're alive! you're here with me and alive. i thought-" george just shook his head, happy tears welling in his eyes. "i hate you for making me think you were dead, by the way."

"i'm alive so clearly you don't hate me." dream smirked, mischief glinting in his eyes.

"asshole."

"but you love me."

"i guess i can't argue with that." george smiled, and dream smiled back.