Ocean full of Secrets

Part I_7

15th of February 2014

Today I decided to clear out my room. I figured if I wont get the chance to scream it all out, I might as well throw it all out. All these stupid little meaningless things connected to all these stupid little meaningless memories. All of which I would gladly exchange for this one crucial, life changing memory. Funny how not remembering an event can change your life just the same.

I threw out all of my stuffed animals, my dried flowers and sketches, old clothes and magazines. Even most of my pens had to go. Weirdly those were almost the hardest to let go of. I mean, have you ever thought about how many possibilities a pen provides? It allows you to create new worlds and open these to others, inflict injury upon others as well as remedy it and to let our words, thoughts and imaginations outlive us on a simple sheet of paper. I feel like we should celebrate them a lot more.

Only my books are staying. My books and Donkey. I tried to throw him out as well, but when I looked at his huge dark eyes and his cute long ears they had me caught under their spell, just as they had when I first got him.
I just read over the last paragraph again and I noticed that it might've sounded a bit confusing. To clarify, Donkey isn't actually a donkey, but a rabbit. However, when I was a child I went through a phase during which I vehemently refused to call things or animals by its actual name. (I also had a tortoise called Eve, partly because I couldn't pronounce the word 'tortoise'.) Plus, I really liked the word 'donkey'.
Still do as a matter of fact. "Dan-ki". I remember Donkey and Monkey had always been my favourite toys. I took them everywhere. In case you were wondering, Monkey actually was a monkey, a squirrel monkey to be exact. I got him during a different phase of my childhood. However, I lost him in the forests around my tree house when I was eight years old. I was devastated. Oliver was the only one who managed to cheer me up a little.

"Funky Monkey didn't get lost. In the contrary, he finally returned home to his family again. You know the circus at the edge of the forest? That's where he belongs, that's where he will be happy. You wouldn't want to separate him from his family now, would you?"

He also told me that monkey, despite having loved me and having enjoyed his time here, still missed his family a lot and I shouldn't be selfish and force him to stay when he would be unhappy here. And since there had actually been a circus at the time, I believed his story almost without hesitation.

I have to stop now though, Saki is calling. But the quintessence here is, even though cleaning out my room felt incredibly good and kind of freeing, it doesn't live up to my imagination of what screaming down from a mountain would feel like.

Yours,
Cassie