so.. a wrench was tossed into the mix, a couple actually- over the course of roughly two years. same wrench too. and I've been able to catch them both. they hurt a lot, they definitely left a couple of dents, but not ones big enough to tear me down. I know that was the goal and why they were sent, and believe me- I debated caving in and letting their sender win. but I didn't.. and I won't.
because what I saw when thinking of letting myself cave.. was a dark image that consumed hope and left nothing but unhappiness. caused because I was holding myself back on something I lost and prayed to get back. I saw myself like that once last year. a girl who was left for dead and almost let herself come to that.
but she's grown since. so when I thought of the alternative, of not letting the wrenches phase me.. was full of the sun beaming down on a beautiful candid picture, where I run endlessly towards a purpose. my purpose that was going to be filled with success.
it might be a blur, and it might not make the most sense.. but it makes me feel like I can do this. go through these motions, be accused of things out of petty actions, be the bigger person, keep things to myself because I still respect their privacy, and come out fine.
..and find satisfaction in being able to walk away from that. knowing I'm stronger than stooping down to that plunging level of immaturity and hurtful intentions.
that's who I've been all along.. that's who I still am despite the heartache and healing process and what they want to say about me. nothing changed.
I'm still Belle, the same Belle with the same heart that loves greatly. Not petty, not mean, not sad, and not what they might try to paint me as to justify how they feel about what they did..
and that's not me. that's not my blissful image. not how others see me either, anyone who matters anyway.. and that's not you anymore.
_____
I am Olivia Rodrigo at this point. after his confession -her and I are literally living the same life.
so happy one month anniversary of being glad you dropped me when you did. give "happier" from her album a listen.
YOU ARE READING
one day i began to think
General FictionAlright, so this was formally known as lazy reads. It's no longer that. I do put short stories on here occasionally. OCCASIONALLY. But recently it's been a nice little public journal that really no one reads. What I publish is supposed to be someth...
