Seven Minutes From Heaven [bxb]

Chapter 29 - A thousand weights

Having them make plans for me without accepting my input made me furious, but if I had to go with my youth Pastor instead of getting to be with the friends I wanted, then I'd at least make it at my own condition.

"I'll accept this," I said, watching Pastor Cordell's face brighten, "If you give me my phone back."

Mum was expressionless as she peered at me. It made me grow tense, wondering if I'd actually gone too far just then. Was this a reasonable request? Was I being a reasonable child? "Absolutely not," she said. "Even until now you don't understand why I had to take it off you, Jude. It saddens me and only proves you shouldn't have it back."

I clenched my fists into balls. If there was a lesson to be had, then she needed to teach me. She needed to be my mum and teach me. "That was not your phone to take," I said, gritting my teeth. "That was from dad, out of his pocket. It a gift to me so I could always contact him or the police when I needed. So he could know that I was safe. Now you've stripped me of it and put me in danger. And for what?" I asked, growing relentlessly tired of her mind games. "What lesson are you trying to teach me?"

"I'm tired now," she muttered. Her jaw hardened and she rolled away from us.

"No," I said, stubbornly rolling her back towards me. "First you're going to explain to me why you're here, why you won't let me, your own son, be near you, and why Josh is telling me you're dying."

Mum's eyes widened. "He told you that? Why that little––"

"It's no use getting up at him about it 'cause you're gonna tell me right now," I said, lowering my head and staring right at her.

"Now listen right here––"

"It's either that or I run away to Liam or Tristan's," I said firmly, cutting her off.

Mum's eyes trailed up to the ceiling, and she sighed. "What's God going to think of this blasphemous little rebellion of yours, Jude? He's all-seeing and all-knowing, and his eyes are everywhere. Where d'you think your soul is gonna end up?"

"God's eyes haven't been on me for a little while now," I said, not willing to move my gaze no matter how uncomfortable it made her. "My guess is he'll overlook this, too."

The woman sleeping in another bed stirred in her bed across the room. I didn't want to disturb her so I decided to keep my voice down a notch.

"Now I need to know, mum," I said, feeling an outburst of emotions welling its way up from the depths of my being. Wasn't it my right? Didn't I deserve to know if I was going to be left all alone without my mother? I wasn't prepared to be crushed by a truth I couldn't handle, but I still needed to know. "What are you sick with and are you really dying?"

Mum's eyes reddened as she stared back at me, but she sighed and looked at Pastor Cordell, nodding for him to leave so we could talk in private. He seemed to get the hint and stepped out, closing the door behind him. She sat up in the bed and tapped on a space beside her on the mattress. I didn't miss my chance and climbed up, cosying against her as best as I could. Judging from her reaction, I wasn't going to like what I heard.

"You don't know this," she said, sniffling and wiping her nose with her forearm, "But I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer five or so years ago. Of course I knew God was testing me, so I rejected treatment and just lived by faith that God would keep me safe. And he's done just that, Jude. I've lived five long and happy years with my two boys thanks to the love and promise of Jesus Christ. And Jesus will continue to protect me. I'll be out of here shortly, continuing to defy the odds and prove Jesus' miracles."

"You mean you're still not gonna get treated even though you're like this already?" I asked, looking at her in dismay. "God helps those who help themselves," I said, repeating back the bible verse from the priest. "Is that not why he gave us modern medicine? Do you have to be stubborn about it even to now?"