Seven Minutes From Heaven [bxb]

Chapter 21 - Pedestals

School seemed to pass by in silence. I couldn't hear anything but the clanking of heavy prison chains weighing down against my heart. Even if I wanted to talk to people, or to focus and learn, my body felt like it wasn't my own. I couldn't concentrate and apply myself to any of my classes, and even got sent out of second period because I couldn't open my mouth to answer a simple question. When my classmates laughed at me, my stomach sank.

But I couldn't cry. To cry meant that I was blaming God for what Josh had done to me, but I couldn't make such a rash accusation before understanding His message for me; or first looking inwards to see what my own sin was before casting the blame on Him. Maybe I needed to visit the church and talk to a pastor. Or maybe find a catholic church and do a confessional. Somehow this wasn't something I wanted to tell anyone about.

I didn't want Josh to get into trouble. God had a purpose for him to do that and it wasn't up to me to expose it. All I wanted was... to understand the message God had for me, and to wipe this lingering sense of shame... and filth. I threw away my denim shorts he spoiled and showered until my skin went raw, but I still wasn't clean. I needed time to work this out with God, and I needed to understand why.

And I couldn't cry.

Liam seemed to be chasing me to the ends of the school, but I narrowly avoided meeting him at any chance I got. I needed time to think about how to talk to him. It didn't help that he'd be waiting outside classroom doors, chasing me down the halls, or offering to carry things for me so that he'd have an excuse to follow. At the very least, I felt a slight sense of peace seeing the efforts he put into seeing me and continuing our friendship.

It was hard to push him away, but it definitely wasn't like I could tell him anything.

Now it was coming to the end of fourth period, a class I shared with Liam. I packed my things and had my bag sitting ready in front of me. Then, the minute the bell went, I snatched it up and bolted out of the classroom before Liam could so much as turn his head. I darted down the hallways and kept making turns which led me towards the field. If I could find somewhere hidden, then I could watch Liam play without being spotted.

Just before reaching the doors that led outside, I could hear voices from the Christian Club room. The senior Christian club members must have spent their times in there during their free period. It was when I heard the words Christian camp that I stopped in my tracks in front of their room and listened in.

"Where's it even gonna be?" one of the girls asked. "If it's some dingey campsite then I'm not interested."

"The game's gonna be way better anyway," a guy said. "They're competing interstate and Josh and Liam are actually going to be a team for this one."

"Curious how that's gonna go," someone said.

"I think the camp is at Gatsby Waterfall like an hour out from here. It's supposed to be really pretty."

"Yeah, you take canoes out and just lay on the water. It's cool."

"I'm honestly tempted."

"Yeah," someone agreed. "It's a rough choice when you can only pick one."

Nothing could have come at a better time. Josh would be leaving Friday morning, so that must mean that Pastor Cordell was also planning to leave around that time. A weekend away from Josh or mum where I could spend that time focussing wholly on God and making peace with myself was exactly what I needed. Desperately.

This news gave me so much hope. I backed away from the door but before I could turn, my body hit somebody behind me. If I was in a cute and fluffy story, I'd imagine that I'd just bumped into Liam who had successfully hunted me down. But the goosebumps that prickled up my arms and down my neck suggested that that wasn't the case.