The System (ON HOLD)

The System (ON HOLD)

7 Part Story 1.2K Reads 40 Votes
Aimee :D By XxBeautifulChaosxX Updated Dec 25, 2011

The Other known as Leagh was rescued from the confines of City 34152 when she was four and since then she trained to kill the man responsible for enslaving her twin brother and the deaths of her parents. However much she trains she cannot return until she is eighteen or they’ll capture her and probably kill her. Leagh decided The System was going down but as she grows the amount of children escaping reduces and Jeign, the kind woman who lives at the top of a private land where the Guard cannot come is ill and her son left to help her but Leagh hasn’t heard from either of them for weeks and she begins to worry. The Others cannot try any rescue missions until he is back as he is over eighteen.

CheekyBella CheekyBella Jul 21, 2012 06:06AM
This is really good!!
                                    Can you read my story at: http://www.wattpad.com/5900096-love-is-poison ?
                                    Thanks,, fantastic story, again!! =)
@panicinmyheart @DoryGeelkerken 
                                    thank you so much sorry I took so long to reply XD but each comment means a lot XD
panicinmyheart panicinmyheart Apr 11, 2012 12:27AM
Hey hey! I really like your ideas so far! It's so creative and interesting! I will definitely continue reading! One thing though, maybe space out your paragraphs a bit because it's more eye appealing to a reader! :)
@Spelling_Bee it's brilliant feedback. Good to receive constructive criticism
@Bgirl4ever 
                                    The style is medievil and I really liked the dress :D
                                    You'll be able to see Leigh at 15 when i can actually get my photo off of the casting agency
                                    Its a picture of me :D
Bgirl4ever Bgirl4ever Dec 07, 2011 03:37AM
what a beautiful dress! She seems very mature for a four-year-old.  I really like this story!