warnings: ANGST, grief, talk of death, vague description of a shooting, language, mentions of guns, blood, violence, grief, description of being shot, doubtfulness about life/going on without a loved one, lots of sadness, descriptions of bad eating habits, disclaimer: the bargaining part very much mentions religion and going to a church, etc. im not trying to force it down anyone's throats at all or anything, if it makes you uncomfortable, either skip the parts where it's mentioned or don't read that part!!