When I woke up in the morning, I no longer felt a pair of arms around me, warming up my form. I didn't feel her breath on my skin nor hear the sound of her soft snores. Her hair wasn't tickling my face and her fingertips weren't skimming over the skin on my hip like they did when we were falling asleep and her hand slipped under the long t-shirt.
I couldn't tell what time it was, but I was sure it must've been early in the morning for the immense exhaustion I still felt. Or it just might have had something to do with the fact I haven't fallen asleep before five in the morning.
Either way, I refused to open my eyes and let the sunlight blind me, while right now it was just trying to shine through my closed eyelids. It was still quite disturbing though, so I opted for burying my face into the soft pillow further, blocking out the light as I searched blindly for Lisa's warm body.
And though I moved my arm up and down several times just to make sure I wasn't mistaken, all I felt under my fingertips were the cold sheets. Furrowing my brows, I cracked an eye open and frowned when I noticed she really wasn't in bed anymore and I was left alone.
I wondered when she left and whether I've been the only one keeping the bed warm for too long. But considering I haven't even felt the slightest bit of warmth fading out, I concluded it must've been a while. I thought that maybe she just went to the bathroom to, perhaps take a shower, but when I listened for it; I didn't hear the water running.
Waiting for her to come back to bed was probably futile. And so despite my fatigue, I sat up, letting the blanket fall off my torso onto my lap, and looked around for any signs of the raven. I smiled a little when I saw her hunched over her laptop placed on the kitchen bar before she walked over to the fridge.
I took a minute just to watch her and relish how perfect this felt, though I would've preferred it if she stayed with me instead. And I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander. Would this be something I would've woken up to every day if things were different? Would this be our shared apartment? And though thoughts like these were dangerous, I still asked myself, Would this be my life?
Lisa took a water bottle out of the fridge before walking over to the cabinets and pulling out a glass. I expected her to turn around and walk back to her computer, but instead, she took a gulp and placed the glass back down, still not turning.
I watched her curiously as she leaned on her elbows, her hands coming up to her hair as she groaned. And have it not been Sunday and early in the morning, I wouldn't have heard it because of the traffic under her windows.
Looking to my side, there was an alarm clock on the bedside table and I noticed it was only shortly after eight, confirming my suspicion it was still early. And though I've got only about three hours of sleep, I would've lied if I said it wasn't the best I've slept in years.
For the first time, I was afflicted with no nightmares and I didn't end up waking up in the middle of the night. Though I was still tired, for obvious reasons, I felt more rested than any of the nights where I spent eight hours sleeping in the three years prior. As cheesy and cliché as it was, just Lisa's company made everything better.
She made the nightmares disappear and made me feel relaxed in her arms. Thanks to her, I fell asleep without worries clouding my mind and without even thinking about the way I'd usually wake up; with tears streaming down my face as I gasped for air and called her name. With her with me, I slept undisturbed, and that was certainly not something I was used to. But it was so perfect.
It was a little concerning though, how I seemed to be brought back to my past, infatuated college self while Lisa seemed not to be doing so well. She was still hunched over the kitchen counter, fingers gripping the roots of her hair. I was starting to get worried so, as gentle as I could, I called her name.
"Lisa?"
Her head snapped around instantly, the movement so quick I got whiplash for her. The second I saw her, my worry did not diminish because of how distressed she looked. And though she was standing across the room from me, I could see her pupils were blown and eyes widened as her shoulders raised and dropped.
"Hey, are you okay?" I questioned gently.
The raven shook her head in response and looked down, her hands gripping the edge of the kitchen counter. It scared me to see her like that and so without thinking; I slipped out from under the warm blanket, cold air from the opened windows hitting my exposed skin straight away, and walked over towards her.
I took one tentative, slow step at a time, not wanting to startle her since she clearly seemed to be panicking. It was only when I was standing in front of her I heard how erratic her breathing was and saw her entire frame shake.
Though I tried to meet her eyes, she was still looking away from me and I wasn't sure whether she even noticed I was standing in front of her, "Lisa?" I called her name again, but she seemed to be in a completely different world, not showing any signs she heard me.
So with a shaky hand, I cautiously touched her shoulder and the second my fingertips made contact with her body, her head snapped up. When I saw the terrified look in her eyes, I quickly pulled my hand away, but it seemed to be too late as she winced and backed away from me.
"What happened?" I prodded softly, looking at the other woman in concern.
Again, she failed to answer my question as she only shook her head instead, looking away from me. But before she turned her head away from me, I caught the glossy look in her eyes. And if I wasn't sure before, I knew now that something was terribly wrong.
I took another hesitant step towards the raven but this time she noticed and backed away, "Don't touch me," she choked out, her voice becoming frantic.
"I'm not going to," I assured quietly, lifting my hands in surrender, "Talk to me Lisa," I pleaded, hating to see the woman this way and not knowing how to help her.
"Y-you-" she choked out, and I was growing increasingly worried by the second, as I waited for her to say the next words, "You should leave,"
"What?" I asked, taken aback.
"Leave Chaeyoung," she repeated and took another step back, putting more distance between us that was admittedly making my heart throb painfully. It was like she was scared out of her mind. As if she was afraid of me.
"Lisa I-" I tried to reason and calm the younger woman but she interjected before I got the chance to say anything at all.
"I said leave!" she shouted, tears welling up in her frightened eyes, "Just go!"
"Is that really what you want?" I mumbled dejectedly, backing away from her, hurt spreading through my entire system as the space between us became bigger, her eyes filled with fear watching me intently.
"Get away from me," she begged desperately.
"Lisa-"
"Please!"
"I won't be coming back again," I spoke weakly, "I won't come back if you push me away again," I choked out, my voice finally faltering after stringing a few more words together. I could see the answer painted across her lips, and that alone made my eyes mist up.
"Good! You shouldn't," she took a staggered breath and turned away from me.
"Okay... " I relented through a stifled sob, giving her one last look before turning away and walking back to the bedroom.
I felt my eyes pool with unshed tears the further away I got. And the second I pulled her shirt over my head, her scent clinging onto the fabric hitting my nose, my tears fell.
With frantic movements, I got dressed in my own clothes and rushed towards the door. The entire time I was hoping to hear her voice, to hear her call my name and stop me, but it never came.
And when I looked over my shoulder to cast one last look at her, I already saw her pouring herself a glass of a brown liquid. Air was sucked out of my lungs at the image, and more tears fell from my eyes that I didn't bother wiping away.
Quickly turning my head away, I closed my eyes, "Goodbye, Lisa," my breath trembled, and I didn't bother waiting for an answer, knowing it wouldn't come before swinging the door open, letting it shut with a bang behind me.
I let my tears fall freely, as I cried my heart out, not even trying to stifle my sobs anymore as I ran down the stairs wanting to be as far away from here, from her, as possible. And yet I let myself hope that any minute now, I would hear her door open as she'd call my name desperately, attempting to stop me before leaving.
Yet it never came, and I found myself at the curb, panting for air as I struggled to breathe. Sobs wracked my entire body as I brought my hands up, gripping at the base of my skull in desperation.
Pulling my phone out, I left a quick text message to Michael and ran. I ran as fast as I could, leaving Lisa's building behind me. And though I had trouble breathing and I could barely see in front of me, I didn't stop. My legs hurt, yet I haven't relented my pace. If anything, I sped up.
Have it not been for the early hours of the Sunday morning, I probably would've been run over by now since I didn't even bother looking down the road before running across the streets. My lungs burned as I panted in exhaustion, desperately trying to draw in a breath only for it to be shallow and anywhere near satisfactory.
Several times, I almost fell to the ground as I stumbled over the cobblestone road, but I haven't stopped for even a moment to regain my balance. I couldn't. I needed to get as far away from this place, and stopping wasn't an option. Not anymore.
And despite not wanting to, I was forced to stop as my body slammed against an iron fence when I reached the waterfront. I gasped for air, trying to soothe the ache in my chest, but soon I came to understand it wasn't my burning lungs that felt like they were being torn apart.
Plastering one hand across my quivering lips, I muffled a sob tearing its way through my throat that began to burn with the onslaught of whimpers and wails. I hung my head down, letting my tears fall into the river, mixing in with the water and becoming insignificant. Because that's what I was; insignificant.
Though my chest felt too tight and I wanted nothing more than to rip it open, I couldn't and there was no one to soothe the pain. The only person who could help me pushed me away, and there was only so much I could take. I wanted to rip my heart out, to stop this pain, but couldn't. I had to endure it, though I felt like it was in the deadly clutches of a monster, digging its claws into the organ that was now barely beating.
And truthfully, I wished it would just bleed out. That I would fall to the ground but would never get up again. I couldn't do this anymore. It was far too much for one person to take. Or maybe I was just weak. Weak and fucking pathetic. That's right, that's all I was. How could I let myself forget any of it?
No matter what, I was still the bony, fragile, desperate woman in the mirror. And like so many times before, I wished she would just vanish. Disappear into thin air or got buried six feet underground. I wanted to get rid of her, rid of me. Anything, just to make this pain stop.
I was finished and there was nothing to live for anymore. What did I have left now? A life that wasn't my own, the only light of hope going out. And it hurt, it really fucking hurt. I wished the monster would just rip my heart out instead of gripping it so tightly, leaving it inside as if to torture me even more.
Wasn't this enough? Didn't I suffer enough? Have I really fucked up so much I deserved all this?
Once again, my emotions turn jagged and my insides tight. I cried out to those in reach, but no one came. I waited, wide-eyed, heart in my mouth, hoping for kindness. I needed a hug, even if it was just words. I needed soothing like a child, but I was all alone. I was not one blow away from it anymore. There were countless blows to my soul by now, and I wasn't strong enough to hold on. I broke down completely, not being able to withstand it anymore.
I realized long ago that emotional pain isn't felt the way a cut or a bruise is. I'd rather be hurt physically than this. Because I can put a bandaid on my finger, but I couldn't put one on my heart. This was so much different, and only I could tell it was there. Sometimes the pain was at the back of my mind like a pulse. Other times, like now, it pushed itself forward demanding attention, cutting my heart and mind in half, stinging with every breath I took. And I really didn't want to breathe anymore. Not when it felt like this. When every breath I took ripped my heart further apart, tearing it to bits and pieces blown away by the wind.
This happened so many times before, yet I had never felt so alone, so lost... so incapable of doing even the smallest tasks like standing up. Have it not been for the railing, I would be sitting on the ground by now. And I knew this was only the beginning. The beginning of the pain, the suffering, and the endless line of emotions that were in store for me. And I couldn't help but ask the same questions all over again. I couldn't help but question if I really deserved all of this. If I was truly such a horrible person to go through all this repeatedly.
I felt so raw; like there was no skin over my pain and the wind made it bleed even further. If love could fade, maybe this pain could too. I wished it could. For the first time, I earnestly wished I could forget her. That I've never met her. That I have never fallen this deeply because, in the end, that was what hurt the most. Loving someone so much that they could completely destroy you, even after you thought you were completely broken already. I couldn't blame her however, I cast this upon myself.
So I guess that answered my question, I deserved it. All of it. And all I wanted to do right now was cry and scream, and let it all out because it was killing me inside. But I couldn't. I was exhausted, and I have given up trying. Once and for all; I was done.
You were not mine and I should stop pretending you were. It was my fault it hurt so much. Because I created this idea that you secretly wanted me as I wanted you. And I guess I forgot it was just something I made up. Because now I knew you don't want me, and you're not mine.
And yet, knowing all this and trying to find a reason to make my brain think rationally, hoping to stop the pain, this was the most lonely and haunted feeling I have felt until now. It was so heart-shattering, reaching for someone but having no one there.
Someone who I truly loved and thought would always be there, who I thought I could have a second chance with. I reached for you, but my fingers closed around space because you pushed me away. It left me with the flavor of loss sitting at the back of my throat. But I had no one to blame but myself. This was my fault, and I couldn't pretend it wasn't. I brought this upon myself and no amount of tears would ever wash that away.
I lost you, but only because I gave up first. Because I pushed you away, and now you were only returning the favor. And that was on me. I couldn't blame you because all you did was protect yourself from me and though I hated it, I knew that's what you should've been doing from the start. I just wished you wouldn't have given me hope things could turn around. Because it made the pain so much more unbearable.
So while my tears fell, pieces of my broken soul escaping through my tear ducts, you were drinking, numbing the pain. You drank away, forgetting all about me and looking for a girl you could take home at night. Fucking someone, so you could bury everything you ever felt for me. It was almost unfair how easy it was for you, and I wished I could do the same. That this was as easy for me as it was for you.
But it wasn't. And for a brief moment, I thought about gathering all the strength I had left and jumping over the railing, drowning my emotions, and ultimately myself, in the flowing river before me. But before I got the chance to act upon the itching desire to end everything, a coat was placed across my shoulders along with a comforting hand.
I might have thought it was you before. My eyes might have widened before as my head would snap to the side, searching for the dark outline of your irises. But this time I didn't. I refused to live in the faux world any longer, in the world where I still had hoped you would return. That you would shout my name and reach for my hand just in time to stop me as I walked to the car.
No matter how painful, maybe this was good for me; finally, a reality check. Because life wasn't a romance movie. We have lost what we once had and I should stop hoping it would magically come back. Years have passed and there was no longer an "us"; there never would be.
So without looking back, I let Michael lead me to the car, opening the door for me as I got inside. And though he said something, my hearing wasn't focusing on his words. I zoned out the second I reached the waterfront. I was empty, lost, and devastated. And all I could do was stare into my lap as the car began moving, leaving you behind as I returned where I belonged - far away from you.
-
I couldn't live in fear anymore, couldn't deprive myself of the only few things that actually made sense in my life. Not for anyone. Especially when it was the only way I knew how to cope with loss and hurt. So for the first time since my departure to Korea, I reached for my diary. And I did so straight away when I came home because despite trying to understand and make peace with her decision, agree with it even, it didn't help to lessen the pain.
There was only one way I knew would work for certain. Only one, that would allow me to let go, even if it deepened the wound first before healing it. I couldn't put a bandaid on my heart, but I could let it speak and let it all out in a way that wasn't focused solely on crying my eyes out for someone who no longer cared.
And when I cast a look down at the paper and reread a few words, I realized it was my goodbye note. I didn't notice it when I was letting the words flow straight out of my soul, I just wrote how I felt in order to help me deal with the severe pain that's been filling my entire body since this morning.
But now that I was looking it over, it all made sense. Though I made sure not to repeat the same mistakes this time when we parted ways, it hurt tremendously. This time knowing and being sure of just how real it was. This time, I let the reality sink in and one goodbye was too much; two, a little easier.
And though she would never see it, I did. For once, I did something for myself and I had to admit it felt good. Not as good as the only thing that could really make any of this better, but good enough in the current situation.
Yet, it made me feel sad when I read the words over and over again. Because though it was like a parting letter that would never find its receiver, it still felt like longing. Like a prayer, and a confession, that no matter how much I wanted to, I could never really let go. Not in a way that I deserved to, and not in a way that would make the pain disappear.
I guess I was wrong. Chanyeol wasn't my punishment, this was. I was my own punishment, my undying and not faltering feelings, my retribution. The haunting reminder of what could've been forever in my mind, as if reminding me of my place. I guess that was it, hurt and be hurt. And sometimes, like now, the emotional pain was much worse than any of the physical one Chanyeol could inflict.
Bruises faded, wounds turned into scars, but emotional pain such as this one never healed. Because sometimes, the only way you could heal was with the help of another. That special someone who was now so out of reach.
They say that over time the pain would disappear, that you would get over it. But it has become abundantly clear to me it wasn't my case. Not with the constant reminders of what I've lost and continued losing because I allowed myself to hope foolishly things could be different. Some would surely think I was being dramatic, but I was certain that this feeling would never leave me. That she would constantly be there, in the back of my mind, and that no matter what happened between us, I would always call out her name; even if there was nothing left to cling to.
First loves were like that, weren't they? You could get over them and start relationships with other people, move on with your life. But you would never forget that one person who was the first to capture your heart and make you feel something. No matter what, you would always cherish that person and a part of your heart would always belong to them. And in my case, its entirety.
She said I took a part of her with no intention of giving it back. That maybe I just liked the thought of owning her forever. But I wondered whether she took a second to think that maybe she took a part of me too. That unknowingly, she's been carrying a piece of me wherever she went, and that no matter how insignificant her actions may seem to her, I felt them deeply. Much deeper than I probably should've.
But she was my first love. My first and my last. And I guess that's what came with it. I just had to learn a way to pedal through because so far I was unsuccessful.
Especially the last few months since we've arrived in New York. Now that I was closer to her than ever, it has become increasingly harder. I ignored her presence most of the time, even if the memories of her always found their way to haunt me one way or another, back in Korea. But now, it has become next to impossible.
That's why I hated the idea of moving here so much. Because I knew that this would happen. Not all that happened between us, but the feelings intensifying again, making it harder to breathe. I knew there was no avoiding it when she was this close to me.
And as I thought about it, I realized there was only one way to go back to how it used to. Where my only trouble was ending it all before anyone could reach me and attending to my husband's needs. I could never let go, but I could walk away.
So that's what I set out to do. This time, I would keep my promise, I wouldn't come back again. I had to walk away forever this time. I couldn't be seeing her anymore, couldn't talk about her, and let her get to me the way she's been doing it for months now.
It was the thing I knew to do best; leave. Distance myself. I would no longer come to Chanyeol's office unless he needed me to. And if he did, I would take the private elevator straight to his floor and then back down. Though I doubted I would have to step a foot in that place again since he would be leaving YG in Ashley's hands when he came back.
I would no longer ask about her or look for her. There was nothing I could do anymore. I've done all I could, even though I wasn't sure why I've gone through all the trouble in the first place, and now I was done. She wanted me gone, out of her life, and it was the least I could do. And not only for her but for me as well.
Because even if by some miracle things turned around, there could be nothing between us. We could never be together and I refused to keep Lisa as a mere affair. It wouldn't be fair of me to keep her away from potential relationships because of one lived in secrecy. No matter what, I could never be with her.
And this whole time, deep down, I knew it was about more than just an explanation. Deep down, I hoped I would get to be close to her again. That I would get to kiss her and that she would hold me again. It was incredibly selfish of me even to think of tying her to me when I was with someone else.
So no matter how much it hurt, it was better this way. Not only for her but for me as well. No matter how much I loved her, it could never be enough, and clearly, she no longer felt the same, anyway. There was nothing to hold on to, and I wouldn't try to find a sliver of hope anymore.
I needed to get rid of all reminders of the raven. Before, I despised the solitude, but I slowly realized it was the only thing to keep me sane. The only thing that really helped me and the only steady thing in my life. Hope was for the privileged, and despite the wealth, I couldn't afford to have it. Because hope was a dangerous thing to have for a woman like me.
With my mind made, I took my phone from next to me, where it was lying on the couch, cast one more look at the skyline towering before my eyes, before typing out a message.
I'm sorry, unnie, I can't do this anymore. I need to stop pretending like anything will be different now, that things already are. Everything changed, but not in a way I was hoping. I need to leave again, but this time, I won't run away and not tell you, so here goes I guess.
Thank you for everything you and Jennie have done for me over the years. I don't know what I would do without you both. And I'm so incredibly sorry for leaving you like that before. I know I told you already but, I never wanted to. I should've told you, left you a note at least, and I'm sorry I didn't.That's why I'm texting you now. Goodbye unnie, tell Jennie goodbye for me too. I love you both and I wish you all the best. I already sent Michael to bring Jennie her songs back so nothing will tie us together anymore.Thank you for everything, God knows I never deserved it.
With tears in my eyes, I tapped the three dots in the top right corner of the screen and blocked her number before moving to Jennies, and doing the same, This is what's best for everyone.
-
"Hey Rosie, wait up!"
Chuckling, I spun around to look at the panting blonde, and halting in my steps up the rock, "Come on, slowpoke!" I turned back around again, taking a few steps forward.
"Hey... " she stopped, making me stop as well and give my undivided attention. Lisa, who had her hands on her knees, catching her breath and looking as amusing as ever accused, "Don't be mean! Not all of us have your stamina,"
"Oh, come on, it's not even that steep," I countered with a lopsided grin, watching the younger girl's eyes narrow.
"You call this, not even that steep?!" her eyes widened before she looked around and whisper shouted once she concluded we were alone, "Are you fucking crazy?"
"You're such a drama queen, Lisa. One would think with the constant dancing a simple hike wouldn't give you this much trouble,"
"Oh yeah, because dancing and fucking rock climbing is the same thing," she retorted sarcastically, making me laugh, "You're so mean," I watched her jut out her bottom lip as she slowly became sulky, reminding me of a small child
"Awe, we're almost there, though," I cooed and tried to encourage the girl who looked like she was on the verge of giving up and leaving me up here deserted, "Come on, just a few more steps,"
"Fine," she huffed, "But the view better be amazing,"
"I'm sure it will. Now come on, I'll wait for you,"
"No no," she argued, "You go on ahead, I'll catch up,"
Looking at her skeptically, she just smiled innocently in return, making me roll my eyes, "You just want to stare at my ass, don't you?"
"The view is pretty amazing from down here," she admitted, her lips forming a smirk, "And you look so fucking good in yoga pants,"
"You're unbelievable," I scoffed and turned back around before she got the chance to see the small smile creeping across my lips.
"Your ass is unbelievable,"
"Lisa!" I exclaimed, whipping my head around.
"What?" she shrugged innocently and all I could do was answer with a humph, not having the energy to deal with Lisa when she was burning holes into my backside. That and also turning around because I wouldn't escape her teasing once she'd see the blush creeping up my cheeks. And knowing her, no matter how much I'd insist it was the heat and physical extortion, she wouldn't believe me.
With that, I continued walking up the trail, careful not to slip on the rocks while Lisa sauntered behind me. I might worry she'd slip and fall considering she wasn't paying any attention to her surroundings, but all worry left my system when I remembered what her attention was focused on. If she slipped, it would be Karma in action for ogling my ass the whole way here.
After a few more minutes of walking up the Vasquez rocks, I began seeing the tip and smiled victoriously, casting a look back to make sure I haven't left my girlfriend in the dust.
The second she realized I stopped, her eyes snapped up to meet mine. Maybe I should've appreciated that she at least tried to hide the fact her eyes were solely on my behind, but I chose not to, seeing as her lips tug into that signature smirk of hers, accompanied by the playful look in her eyes like she didn't even care she got busted. But then again, I was pretty sure she didn't.
"We're almost at the top," I informed flatly, my look patronizing as the blonde kept looking at me as if she's done nothing, "I just thought I'd tell you since you seem to be pretty preoccupied,"
"How considering of you, thank you, babe," she grinned, and I shook my head gently in disbelief. I probably shouldn't have been as surprised as I was though; this was Lisa, after all. No further explanation needed.
Picking up my pace, and making sure I wouldn't slip by keeping my left hand on the rock wall next to me (since the little stones kept sliding from under my feet), I pushed through the exhaustion that was slowly creeping up on me as well. The hike wasn't particularly hard, but if you climbed the rocks to get to the top, I had to admit it was pretty steep, despite telling Lisa it wasn't.
My girlfriend wasn't the biggest fan of hikes, quite the opposite actually, so when I suggested we take a hike today, she was more than a little cynical. But it's been raining the last couple of days, or it was just really cloudy, and this was the first sunny day in a while, so really it would be a pity if we stayed home all day.
And truthfully, I was a little sick of the city now since we haven't got the chance to get out since Lisa's birthday. And that was a while ago. During the weekends we would usually stay cooped up inside because of exams and papers, and whatnot, or we didn't have the energy to go far away.
Considering hiking wasn't Lisa's favorite activity, it might have been a little selfish to ask her to go. But to be fair, I did ask, she could have declined... and she did, I was just really persuasive and made some promises I would have to make good on when we came back home.
I loved hiking though, and I was sure Lisa would enjoy it as well, at least the part where we could look into the distance, admiring the view. Besides, a bit of fresh air would do both of us some good. And while I've been here once before, Lisa never has. So for the first time, it wasn't her showing me someplace new, but the other way around. And though she didn't enjoy hiking, maybe I could change her mind if she saw how beautiful it was up here.
Though the only thing Lisa has admired since we got here was my ass.
"The sun will set soon," I turned back around again, buzzing with excitement, making the Thai smile in what wasn't mischief for once.
Since we woke up pretty late, not having any reason to get up early on our spring break, went out to get lunch, and then drove up here (which took longer than the usual forty minutes because of the traffic) we got here just in time to catch the sunset.
And though it wasn't planned, I was more than a little thrilled to watch the sun go down from up here.
"I'm right behind you," Lisa assured, and for once she actually was. Maybe I didn't give her enough credit, and she actually alternated between focusing on walking and ogling my backside.
Not five minutes later, I found myself at the top, with Lisa being just a few steps behind me.
Walking towards the edge I squatted and sat down, leaving my legs to dangle down the overhang. The view from up here was stunning, I could see all the other rocks from up high, as well as see into the distance, over all the trees littering the ground beneath, and even the Sierra Pelona Mountains.
I turned my head back when I heard approaching footsteps, to watch Lisa take a few last steps to the top. And I had to admit, she looked incredibly sexy without her shirt on, as it was tucked into the waistband of her shorts, only in her sports bra. A sheer layer of sweat was covering her stomach, making her abs glisten in the soft light. Not to mention the trickle of sweat running down the side of her face and down her neck.
Slowly licking my lips as I watched her, I saw her smirk once I looked back up, making me look away quickly, embarrassed at being caught. I felt hot suddenly and wasn't sure what to do with myself, so I quickly grabbed my water bottle, gulping down on it to distract myself from my incredibly sexy girlfriend.
"Yet you scold me for looking at you," she commented amused, as she set down next to me.
"That doesn't count," I huffed, keeping my eyes focused on the trees in the distance.
"How so?"
"Because unlike you, I did that after coming up here, instead of wasting time,"
"Okay," she laughed a little and looked up ahead as well, "Whatever you say,"
"Here," I extended the water bottle to her, still not looking at her though.
"Thanks," she took the bottle from me and her fingers brushed against mine in the process, and I knew she was doing it on purpose, "Why won't you look at me, Rosie?"
"Because the view is absolutely breathtaking,"
"Mhm, sure. Are you sure you don't want to see me chug some water, you know, to enhance the sexy experience you're getting? What do you know, some might even drip down my neck if I'm not careful," she teased.
"Oh, shut up," I groaned, burying my head in my hands, only making the younger girl laugh harder.
And just when I thought the torture was over, I felt her breath on my ear as she whispered, "You're such a hypocrite," and kissed the skin just below my ear, making me shudder.
"Whatever," I mumbled, feeling my face and ears going hot, "It's really not my fault you're flaunting your body like that,"
"Admit it, you can't wait to get home, to make good on that promise you made me,"
"I swear to God if you don't shut up I'll make good on it right now,"
"I knew you were into public sex, but damn,"
"Shut up and look at the sky, the sun is setting," however after seeing from the corner of my eye that she only continued staring at me, I groaned, placing my hand on her cheek and forcing her to turn around, making her chortle.
The second my hand slipped away from her face though, she grabbed it with hers, intertwining our fingers as she rested our joined hands between our bodies. No matter how many times she would take my hand like this, I still wasn't used to it. And so the second her hand made contact with mine, I looked down at our hands, with a small smile tugging on my lips.
As if knowing, she squeezed my hand lightly, and I averted my eyes back to the sky, watching the sun go down and changing the color of the sky to a light orange. The orange-gold stretches far and wide, the color of fire hearths and tangerines. It reflected off of the mountains, setting them aglow as it slowly fell upon the ground beneath them, engulfing everything in its path in a promise of the rising sun that comes after the velvety night so that the land can rest once more.
"As the sun whispers goodbye in a soft gold, it hugs the earth as one beautiful soul," I heard Lisa utter quietly, capturing my attention as I turned to face her.
Sensing I was looking at her, she turned her head to look at me, and the second I got a look at her face, I was positive; she was even more beautiful like this. Her face was glowing with the last orange rays and her lips born the semblance of a smile when her eyes connected with mine, just enough to show that she was enjoying her thoughts, whatever they may be.
"That's a beautiful quote," I purred, slightly out of breath as her beauty and the twinkling in her eyes, knocked the wind out of me. I loved her eyes, they seemed to be a little different each time I looked into them. And right now, when the brown turned into liquid gold, I could've sworn I saw a million scarlet blooms ignited in her eyes.
"Thanks," she smiled and inched closer, giving me a closer look at her beautiful eyes, "I read it off my phone," and with that she pulled me out of my daze as she lifted her right hand, showing me the glowing device with a Pinterest page, her smile now accompanying the harmonious sound of her laughter.
"You're such an idiot," I groaned and shoved her arm playfully, "And here I was ready to get sentimental,"
"Hey, there is still time," she argued.
"Nope, the moment is over," I stuck my tongue out and looked back at the sunset.
"Get ready then," she puffed her chest up comically and I had to stifle a laugh, "because I'm bringing the moment back,"
"And how do you plan on doing that?" I inquired, wiggling my eyebrows at my determined girlfriend.
With the way she smiled, I knew she already had something planned and before I got the chance to open my mouth, she spoke, "I actually got you something,"
She turned the fenny pack around, bringing it to her chest, as she opened one of the zippers and reached inside, "Close your eyes," she commanded, not pulling her hand out.
"You're not going to push me down, are you?" I joked.
"I might if you don't do as I say. Now close your eyes, idiot,"
"Okay, okay, jeez... someone's bossy," she glared at my comment, "Remember that there will be no one to keep that promise if you do that," I glimpsed a hint of a smile before I closed my eyes. And though I could no longer see her, I was positive she was shaking her head at me.
I heard the zipper close, as well as some shuffling, before she spoke again, "You can open them now,"
Her feet were no longer hanging down from the overhang as she now stood next to me, her body fully facing mine. Looking up at her questioningly, she motioned for me to do the same and held a hand out for me to take, lifting me to my feet. As soon as I was up though, I reluctantly let go, dusting off my yoga pants.
"Give me your hand," she instructed, her voice incredibly soft.
Placing my hand into her outstretched one, she smiled gently when our skin touched, turning me to putty at how adorable she looked. I felt my heart beat a little faster as I stared at her, looking so angelic and perfect, I had to hold myself not to just lean in and kiss her.
"I love you, Rosie," she disclosed, "And I honestly can't imagine my life without you. I can't even remember what it was like before I met you, but I know it was much sadder and lonelier, and I never want to be like that again. I don't ever want to lose you. Lose this. I know it may be a little too early to say this, but I can't imagine loving anyone else after falling so deeply in love with you. And though it's been hard at times, I don't regret a single moment that led to this. Because it led to you. And that's all that matters to me, you made it all worth it."
Feeling something against my index finger, I looked down at our hands to see her slipping something on it. And once it was all the way on, she pulled her hand away and let me get a good look at the beautiful gold bubblegum ring, twinkling in the warm light.
I gasped, "I do!" I joked, looking up at the blonde again to see her have her head thrown back as she laughed silently.
"You're just so funny today, aren't you?"
"What do you mean? I'm always funny," I countered.
"And you're always an idiot,"
"Not as much as you," I winked and before she got the chance to get another word out, I brought our lips together, kissing her tenderly.
"It's a promise ring," she mumbled when we pulled away, our foreheads, however, leaning against each other. I loved having her this close to me, to watch her eyes flutter open and see them twinkle in joy the way they always did when we kissed. "That no matter what happens, I'm always going to love you," she smiled and pecked my lips softly before muttering quietly as her lips ghosted over mine,
"Always, and forever,"