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CHAPTER ELEVEN - madness
The wind was cold that night, and sitting on the horse was uncomfortable . They had packed up in a heavy silence after they'd finally caught their breath again. Although suggestive grins and looks were given more times than they should have, eventually the two women, both tired and worn out, reached the first village.
Before it had all happened, Deema had been confident that nothing would change. They would have a fun time - which they had, gods - and it would all be normal again. But now that the silence between them stretched, she began to wonder if that was true.
Any person she'd slept with, she never saw again. They came to her ship, or she went to their room, and early in the morning, she was alone again. She would see Yara about every day.
It shouldn't change anything, they just fucked. Everyone had needs, and Yara had certainly known what she was doing. Still, as she watched the other woman, she couldn't help but remember the way her body had moved, the way her skin had laid against hers, her warm breath on her neck and face, and the softness with which she moved her hands over her body.
That would go away, though. It hadn't even been an hour since they had left the cave behind, certainly, she was just falling back in the bliss of what the moment had been. Tomorrow evening, they'd drink wine together and talk and it would all be the same as it had been.
Thinking that it had been the last time she'd seen and felt her like that made Deema's insides come down from the high she still seemed to be riding on. Yet she pushed it away, a good nights sleep would clear her mind.
"You're slow," Yara broke her from her thoughts, bringing her back to the present. The captain's horse was standing still some feet before her.
Deema rolled her eyes. "It's your own fault," she said, finally reaching the other horse. "If you could have kept your hands to yourself when I thought we were done..." She trailed off, Yara only chuckling.
"Don't start complaining now," and Deema wouldn't, because she would do it all again. Gladly, actually.
"Trust me, I won't," the two women rode in silence again, the noise from the village filling their silence now. In the dark, it was quite nice to see. There were lots of lights, fires, and laughter. Deema praised herself lucky she didn't hear much of the conversations because certainly, nothing would be beautiful about them.
Her thoughts wandered back to Millet. She hadn't heard of him after their argument, and hadn't stopped to really think about him. Was he between these people? Was he kissing Maggie somewhere behind closed doors or behind the tavern the woman worked in? Was he getting drunk and making a fool of himself? Had he been thinking about her?
They had begun their time on the Iron Islands as just them, but now she wasn't even certain if they would ever be able to be in the same room again. Maybe it was for the best, she had Yara now. He had Maggie and probably a loads of other friends, leaving Deema the more lonely one again.
It shouldn't bother her; one good friend should be good enough, and truly, it was. But at the same time, Deema was greedy, and while she didn't need more friends, she did need to win. She needed to be the one who did better, who would not go running back to him because she needed him. She did not, he was only a painful memory of what her life had once been, anyway.
"You're looking angry," Yara broke her thoughts once more. "What's on your mind, Deema?"
It would be easy to say nothing, and leave it at that. She'd never liked to talk about what was bothering her, but how could she keep it in when Yara was ready to listen and seemed to genuine, all of the time? When she had just made her cum multiple times and still seemed to care about her feelings? She certainly was winning.
"I had a fight with Millet some time ago," she said as if it explained everything. And maybe, in a way, it did.
"What about?"
She looked down at her hands, still clasped around the reigns of the horse. "He didn't quite agree with me... you know, healing you."
The captain was silent for a moment, Deema kept her eyes on her hands, not sure she would like what she saw if she looked at Yara's expression. Would she know she had hesitated with healing her? Would she take offense to that?
"I get it," she eventually said, showing more understanding than Deema had for someone who was supposed to be her friend. "He doesn't know me, I might have gone crazy at you."
"As if you could kill me," she'd meant it as a joke, but it came out weak and too soft. "You almost did, though."
Yara chuckled, glancing at Deema. "Almost," she repeated, before sliding back into her more serious demeanor. "He was just looking out for you."
And she knew this. She knew he only wanted to protect her, but she didn't need fucking protection. She was an adult who could make her own choices. "I don't care," she said instead of that. "I don't give a damn."
The woman beside her didn't say anything else about the matter, although Deema wished she had just said it one more time, one more time so it might get through her skull and she would do something with it.
But Yara respected her enough to let her make her own choices, and that, she would. That, she could.
***
Days crept by, and slowly, everything turned back to normal. If Deema kept enough space between them, the images of that evening stayed in the back of her mind; easy to ignore until they would be gone completely. She hadn't thought about Millet in two days, which she was glad about, because the emotional turmoil wasn't her favorite to deal with.
There was only so much she could do in the castle, so Deema had taken it upon herself to venture to the docks to help and get to know Yara's men better. She quite liked a man named Keto, and learned to stay away from someone they called 'Red Reaper' jokingly, though she never asked why.
Working was good. Each night her muscles were aching and sleep came easy. When she had a moment to herself, boredom stayed away. Besides that, it was nice to be truly in touch with ships again. She found that she missed the sea a little less, and that being on land didn't need to be as hard as she sometimes made it to be.
She would be able to go on like this for quite a while, if she had to. But apparently, she did not need to.
The sun was setting as Deema returned to Pyke, cold had settled into her bones, and she would kill for some soup. She barely made it through one corridor before she bumped into Yara. It took her all but one look to realize something was quite wrong. The captain had a look of determination on her face, shielding something Deema didn't quite understand yet.
"What's wrong, Yara?" Deema wanted nothing more than to reach out, give her arm a comforting squeeze, or any form of comfort she could give. But she was rebuilding the boudary she had broken, and for all she knew, the woman was just fine.
For a moment it looked like Yara was going to bolt right past her. Vanish into the twilight without a word. Her eyes darted to the big doors, just a few feet until she would be outside. Gone from whatever was haunting her, maybe. "They have Theon," she said at last, eyes finding Deema's face, but not her eyes. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other, nervous, fighting emotion. "I'm going to get him back."
Admittedly, it was quite a lot to take in, and Deema was missing a lot of information. But now wasn't the time to ask questions. Her eyebrows knitted together in both worry and confusion. "Alright," she said softly. "When are we leaving?"
"You're not coming," from all that she could have said, this is what surprised Deema the most. "It's dangerous, I'm bringing a small crew. Just two ships."
Deema stuttered over her words for a short moment, not knowing what to say; they were going to get Theon Greyjoy back, on sea, without taking her? Had she not shown Yara what an asset she could be? "Without me?" She brought out at last, compassion blown away with the breath Yara had said it with. "You're joking, right? Do you have any idea how much help I can be?"
"I don't have time to stroke your ego," Yara snapped suddenly and forcefully. There should be more, there always was more. But the captain brushed past her and left the castle without glancing back.
Marching towards her room, the initial anger began to subside. She couldn't imagine what Yara was going through, wondered what having Theon even meant and how she found out. Once again, she had made it all about her again.
That did not change the fact that she was right, though. Despite what she liked to believe, Deema was powerful on the sea, and if they were only taking two ships she could mean a lot to them.
So she quickly grabbed her weapons and a change of clothes before heading towards the docks. She would be on that ship, captain orders be damned.
***
"I told you not to come," Yara said as she saw her while they were preparing to leave. She'd never looked as angry as she did at that moment.
Deema straightened her back. Despite not having a ship, she was still a captain. She did not bend unless she wanted to. "I know what you said," she crossed her arms, a shield between her and the captain. "If he's anywhere near water, you have no idea what help I could be, Yara. I won't walk in the way." She meant it. Her stuff was already on board.
The woman was still fuming, so Deema continued, taking a softer route than she'd like. "I won't forgive myself if something happened to you or Theon and I could have helped but I wasn't there. Would you forgive yourself?"
While Yara didn't seem to calm down in the slightest, Deema wasn't afraid. They had practically left, sending her back now would be dumb. "You're not setting a foot on land."
She could live with that. A quick nod, and the woman was storming off elsewhere.
Despite not being afraid, Deema released a shaky breath, uncrossing her arms and flexing her fingers a few times. That woman sure could be intimidating. "Not supposed to be here?"
The voice was familiar, filling her up with emotions she'd thought to have worked through. As she turned around she came face to face with Millet. He looked just the same, which wasn't strange. They hadn't talked for little more than a week, but it had felt like a lifetime. "Why do you care?" Just to give herself something to do, she tugged on one of the ropes, roughly undoing it.
"Just seems oddly like you," he said, his voice holding a sharp edge. "You do know you're loosening a boat, right? Don't want more trouble, do you?"
She looked down just to see he was right. She scoffed, slamming her hand on the wooden railing. "What in seven Hells do you want, Millet?"
His playful demeanor fell off in an instant. "It's nice to see you haven't changed."
She rolled her eyes, letting the words roll over her. As she tightened the rope again, he left her alone again. She didn't care. He had no right to talk to her like that. If that's how he wanted to behave, he'd have to do it somewhere else.
The next few hours were surprisingly calm. Many people were working to stay awake, and soon, Deema found herself a moment of rest, unsure of how to spend it.
Keto approached her before she could find a cause. She was quite glad to have spoken to him before, because if not, she truly would have been alone. "You heard about Theon Greyjoy?"
"Not much," Deema said, having to look up at the man. He was taller than her, twice as broad, too. "He's a captive, apparently."
"It's a bit more than that," despite talking about the son of his lord, and the brother of his captain, he had a grin on his face, doing a bad job at hiding how exciting it was to talk about. "The Bolton's have him," that did ring a bell.
"The flayers?" She'd heard many disturbing stories about the Boltons. About how one of them killed their king.
Keto nodded, glancing around before he continued. "I heard the Greyjoy's received his cock as a warning or something."
Despite herself, Deema felt a shiver run up her spine. No wonder Yara had been angry. "That's horrible," was all she said.
"It's quite the story, that's certain," Deema wanted to listen, she truly did, but that was Yara's brother, and Keto couldn't know the whole story. She needed to check on her, even if she might just be sent away.
"I'll be right back," she said to the man, darting for the door to the below deck.
Yara's door was closed, and somehow, it seemed more final than other times. Than before Deema knew what she did now. The knock on her door was hesitant, doubting.
"What?" It was almost a bark, and Deema pushed the door slightly open. She got just one look before Yara said: "Leave."
She had to take a deep breath to stop herself from doing so. If Yara truly wanted that, she would in a moment. She just... she didn't even know. "I heard what happened," she said softly, sliding the door closed behind her. They were just rumors, but the truth couldn't really be worse. "I heard who has Theon."
Yara was leaned over her desk, hands on either side of the map, her face still hard. "Yes?" It was more of a demand to hurry up.
"I know you're not happy with me right now, but I'm still your friend, Yara," her voice was so much softer than the captains, her eyes and voice dripping with sympathy she could not quite express. "This is a lot, if you want to talk -"
The woman pushed herself up from her desk, a short and empty laugh leaving her. "I don't have time for this bullshit, Deema," she said then. Deema had to tell herself it probably wasn't meant to be that harsh, had to tell herself to not snap back. That's not why she came here for. "You told me you wouldn't be in the way, so leave me to do my job and save my miserable little brother."
The words came in harder than she'd liked. She wished she could remain unbothered, let it slide off her. But Yara had never been like that to her. Had never been rude or mean, or dismissed her. "Okay," she said finally, her fingers finding the doorknob pressed against her back. "Okay. If that's what you wish."
The door slid open and Deema vanished through it, closing it behind her. She took a deep breath before walking towards the sleeping area, laying down in her hammock, though sleep wouldn't come for a long time.
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(a/n): sorry this took awhile!!! i have exams in january and i'm really terribly behind with everything! so until mid/ end january weekly updates are not guaranteed! i'll try to still get some chapters out, but can't promise i will!! fully back before the end of january!! hope you enjoyed the chapter <3