Addy POV
Have you ever noticed that when you're by your phone and it rings, the call seems to be never ending as you wait for the ringing to stop? Whereas if you're nowhere near your phone and you rush to answer it, you almost always just miss it before you have the chance to answer it?
Seeing Dylan's name and contact picture of him sticking his tongue out fill my screen, that's exactly what's happening right now. It seems like the call is going on forever as I chew on the side of my mouth debating if I should answer his call or not.
However, that same pit in my stomach that I'm going to miss the call if I don't run towards it slams through me and I reach out before I can convince myself it's not a good idea "Hello?"
"Hey Adds it's me again- wait... you said- you said hello- holy shit you answered" he rushes out through his shock.
Fuck I've missed him.
I nod even though he can't see me and reply softly "I did"
"Um, I- hi, I mean hey-" he coughs out an angry little breath, his agitation with stumbling over his words making the corners of my lips twitch "Jesus- I, uh, I'm sorry, I don't actually know what to say right now."
"But you called me" I mutter the obvious and there's a pause before he clears his throat "Right, but I didn't think you were going to answer."
Can't really blame him with that way of thinking. The airline was able to swap my ticket no problem once I got up to the counter and it was just by dumb luck that I got there when I did. There just so happened to be a flight that was leaving within the hour that would be bringing me into Heathrow just before noon the following day.
I had turned off my phone after sending the flight info to my parents before walking up to security. When I landed in Heathrow I turned my phone back on and ignored the 7 voicemails that were waiting so I could chat with Kaya and have the car sent for me take me to her flat.
On the drive I had stayed true to my word and let Dylan know that I had landed. I didn't open the reply message and instead put my phone on do not disturb mode.
I didn't sleep on the plane and was more than exhausted, especially with the jet lag coming on quickly, as soon as I made it to Kaya's.
She was a saint and already had her guest room set up for me, blackout shades and everything. I was grateful that she was too swept up in being just as excited to see me that I was to see her and she didn't catch on to my weird mood... or that the real reason behind my red puffy eyes was not because of the lack of sleep on the plane.
I had switched my phone back into disturb mode after we had some lunch and all of my notifications were like little red laser beams shining right in my eyes. After listening to 3 of the voicemails I couldn't bring myself to listen to anymore or even read the texts he had sent.
And there was a lot.
Deciding that being mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted from the previous almost 24 hours probably meant I should call it a ridiculously early night and try again in the morning. So with it being barely a couple hours into the afternoon in jolly ol' England- I showered quickly, changed into some jammies and was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
That was yesterday.
I make a noise and pick at non-existent lint on my leggings "Did you want me to hang up so you could call back and say whatever you were going to say on the voicemail?"
"No," he answers quickly and I can hear the nervousness in his voice, imagining him grimacing and scratching his forehead, when he continues "Now that I'm actually connected to you, I don't ever want you to hang up if I'm being honest."
I close my eyes with how sincere his words sound and he mistakes the reason for my silence "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have said that."
The pain in his voice has me opening my eyes and talking through the lump in my throat "Why did you call?"
Hearing him laugh, I shrink back in my chair because the sound has no joy behind it and I'm overcome instantly with an overwhelming need to fix it. Which is not fair since he did the breaking.
"Have you listened to my messages?" he asks and I move my shoulder with my confession "Not until this morning... where I listened to them all twice."
And I did too. I started from the beginning with the ones I listened to yesterday, letting them play one after the other before I went back and listened to them all once more.
"You were able to ignore the bright red dots that drive you crazy on your apps for a whole day?" Something's telling me he's smiling as he asks that and I continue to stay in the bubble we've somehow created during this phone call "After I got here I ate and basically fell asleep"
He breathes out a little laugh that has me closing my eyes to bask in the comfort it brings along with the lightness to his voice as he says "Not surprised, you don't handle jetlag very well"
I smile with that, despite everything, and hear him laugh once more "How early were you up this morning?"
Making a face at that, I roll my eyes "I will have you know I was up and wide awake at 4-a-m"
"I can't believe London makes you an early bird" he chuckles out and I make a noise "Pft, early bird for one morning. I was up and had 2 cups of coffee before the fucking birds which means I'll be able to go to bed in a couple hours and wake up at a normal time tomorrow... so technically I call that jetlagging correctly."
"You make a great case," he states and I can hear the smile in his voice, earning me to sit up a little higher and nod once "Thank you."
He laughs, his next question following easily "Where are you staying?"
Drumming my fingers on the table I go around answering his question the way he actually meant it "I'm going to be staying in a trailer on the studio lot minus two weeks at some point where we're going to be staying in these little cottages they've rented out in the English countryside."
He makes a little noise of confirmation before he clarifies hesitantly "But where are you staying... right now?"
I don't answer right away and he chuckles, covering the sadness to his next words "If you really don't want to tell me you don't have to... I'm only asking because I love you and selfishly I just need to know you're safe."
Nodding with that, I shrug and answer quickly "I'm safe."
"Adds-" he trails off, even though it's clear he wants to push the subject- which the fact that I'm able to sense that in the words he didn't say paired with hearing the desperation in his voice... and I cave. I take a few seconds though before I'm breathing out "I'm with Kaya."
"That makes me feel a lot better than imagining you alone in a hotel" he breathes out and I can feel the relief coming off him from here.
Sitting up a bit more, I make a noise "Oi, I would have been just fine alone in a hotel though wouldn't I?"
"Your accent is insanely strong right now" he chuckles and I roll my eyes, the corners of my mouth quirking up "Well the whole film is going to be done with British accents so might as well get a jump start on my rusty accent"
"Your accent is far from rusty- it's been coming through more and more since Scorch, so being around Kaya I'm sure is going to help even more too- well probably too much."
I snort with that, my next words just falling out like nothing's changed "Right, a bit inappropriate for Belle to call someone a fucking wanker innit?"
He laughs loudly, the sudden noise causing a full blown smile to spread across my face.
Yup definitely fucking miss him.
When his laugh dies down, he chuckles once more "As spot on as that was I think Disney might be a bit upset if their new princess said that."
There's a pause, an almost awkward pause as we both seem to realise how easy we were able to forget everything that happened and was said two nights ago- how easy we were able to fall right back into us.
Dylan clears his throat and answers my question from earlier "I called because like I said in my last message to you, until you tell me to back off or leave you alone- I'm not going to stop taking every chance I can to tell you that I love you and will do whatever it takes not to lose you."
I don't say anything to that, partly because I have no idea what to say to that. This phone call has been equally exactly what I needed but also a little overwhelming. He's saying all the right things right now so it should be a no brainer to just say forgive and move on.
I still feel hurt though and I'm not sure how much can be healed or forgiven in just a little over a day and a half.
It's not even that I want to punish him for a certain amount of time... I just have to be sure enough that when he says this won't happen again that he means it.
Because I won't ever be made to feel like I did the other night.
"I was a level of idiot I didn't even think was possible" he states and I smile sadly with that, my voice soft with my reply "That's a bit accurate."
I barely hear him chuckle before he clears his throat "I think I've driven the point far enough home that I'm sorry, because I truly am, but I also know it means fuck all until I actually show you. I just- I just want you to know that I mean it all, Adds."
I pull his voice closer to my ear as I nod slowly, my eyes moving to the window beside me and seeing the sunset that will soon be on the horizon "I know you do."
"I love you" he mutters lowly, almost like he's not sure if he should be saying that and that thought just makes my heart hurt in a different way.
Bringing my feet up onto the edge of the chair, I slump back in my chair and pull my phone closer to my mouth as I match his previous tone "I love you."
He breathes in deeply with my words, his voice a soft whisper a moment later "Well if nothing else, at least you still love me."
I smile sadly with that, not missing a beat to reassure him "Of course I love you Dyl. I'm upset but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you."
--
Dylan POV
Having to hang up the phone with Addy after finally hearing her voice in what felt like forever is basically what I can compare getting hit in the balls to feel like.
Is there a better analogy to use? Probably, but I don't really care. It hurt and sucked and that's all you need to know.
She needed to end the call that was only 15 minutes long and easily the happiest I've been in days. She needed to go- needed to go to her appointment at the salon before figuring out what she was eating for dinner.
A seemingly normal reason for needing to end the call and yet I can't help but feeling like maybe that wasn't the only reason. There was a moment where we were ourselves. Our easy way of talking we have had since the moment I met her.
It was a moment where I wasn't terrified I was going to say the wrong thing and she was going to hang up on me. She was joking and laughing with me, being her witty and charming little self as she talked to me about her day.
I know she realized it at the same time I did... and I think it was too much too soon for her.
I fucked up the other night.
I know that.
I also know that you know that so I don't need to reiterate that it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done.
But this also isn't the end. She may not have given me a definitive answer when I asked if I lost her- but she didn't say yes, so there's still hope. And I'm going to hold on to that hope for as long as I can... I'm going to make this right.
***
Addy POV
Kaya has been finishing up on her show so I don't see much of her the next couple of days. Though we usually will have some form of breakfast together since Dylan wasn't far off and London does make me an early bird- not 4 in the morning early but still.
Tonight's my last night here with her before I'm heading off to the set they've been building at Shepperton studios. I just got changed from having a shower and I'm scrunch drying my hair with one of my shirts when Kaya scares the bejeezus out of me as I walk out of the bathroom.
I let out a little shriek and jump back, hearing her laugh loudly "Dylan was right, you're a riot when you get scared."
Glaring at her I bend forward and grab the shirt I dropped "Hilarious- what the fuck are you doing back so early?"
"Early night since you're leaving in the morning" she answers with a bright smile while also completely failing at keeping her laugh at bay.
I resume the shirt drying of my hair and she tilts her head to the side "Why are you using a shirt to do that?"
"Towels are too harsh on your hair" I answer simply and she makes a face "Where has that bit of useful information been all my life?"
I laugh and shrug before walking over and hanging the shirt over the back of a chair to dry "One of the hair ladies I've had on teen wolf since the beginning told me about it"
Kaya makes a little contemplative noise as she nods her head with her words "Well you have gorgeous hair even with all the dyeing you've been doing lately so I'm going to have to try that"
I smile in thanks at her, seeing her open her mouth before shutting it quickly. I raise a brow and nod towards her "What's up?"
"Nothing" she answers much too quickly and I know in my gut that someone has gotten in contact with her. I drop my eyes down to my hands that I'm holding out in front of my chest, my attention fully on moving the pads of my thumbs over the edge of my nails "What's he said?"
"Something has happened between you two then?" she questions immediately and I take a second before I nod ever so slightly.
She groans, the loud sound in the otherwise quiet of the room drawing my attention back over to see that she's flopped backwards on the bed with her hands on her face.
A few seconds later she sits up quickly, immediately throwing her arms out to her sides "You've been here a bloody week Addy why haven't you said anything?"
I open my mouth to explain, though only a noise comes through, before I huff and shake my head honestly "It's been ages since I've seen you and I wanted to enjoy our visit, not turn the whole week down bummer lane with my relationship drama."
"So scheduling was utter bullshit, this is the real reason why you're here a week early?" she wonders her non question out loud, though I still nod and she softens her face towards me "Go on then, what's happened?"
I chew on my lip and tug the sleeves of my henley down from my elbows, pulling the edges over my hands, as my feet bring me over to the bed where she's sitting.
I cross my arms over my chest and sit down beside her, bringing my legs up into a pretzel like hers before I fill her in on everything.
-
After I finish summarizing what transpired almost a week ago, and the few text and phone conversations from the past couple of days, Kaya snaps her mouth closed and I watch as a glare transforms on her face "I'll kill him."
"You don't need to kill him," I laugh gently, though she's already shaking her head "Yes I do. He finally has you, the love of his fucking life, and he goes and pulls this? Lets his insecurities and fuck all else smash right into you both all because deep down he can't accept something this good happening to him- so man logic means he's got to sabotage it?"
"Basically" I whisper out and she snaps her head in my direction once more "Like I said I'll kill him."
Shaking my head, I keep my eyes down on my hands that are in my lap "This is why I wanted to keep it quiet. Basically all my friends are his friends also, some were even his first," I look at her with that before I drop my eyes once more and continue "And I don't want anyone to have to be put in that kind of situation while I figure everything out."
"I'm your fucking friend babe and I'm choosing your side over that wanker," she snaps back and I smile at her, laughing once as I breathe out "That's exactly the situation I'm talking about."
She just throws me a look and shrugs like she could not care less "My choice though innit? I'm deciding to vocally choose your side right now. You don't want to tell anyone about what happened? Right, that's fine- no one else has to know. However, you deserve to have someone on your side right now that you can talk to with you feeling the way I can only imagine you're feeling. What you just told me, you've been keeping that all bottled up this whole time and you probably have no idea how much you needed to say all of that. You don't need to go through this alone and fuck right off, yeah, if you think I'm going to let you."
Tears that I have been holding at bay for days rush to my eyes as I try to find the words to adequately tell her how thankful I am for her.
She let me stay with her for a whole week, no questions asked. She has been here for me through this entire ordeal and she wasn't even aware of how much she was doing for me until tonight.
Thankfully she's the kind of friend who can see all of that written on my face and she makes a noise. Uncrossing her pretzel legs and scooting over on the edge of the bed, she sits right beside me and wraps her arms around me.
The second she hugs me and I lay the side of my head on her shoulder- I break.
All the tears I've not been able to cry since I got here release in a floodgate and she hugs me through it all.
***
Addy POV
Bringing one of my most favourite princesses to life has been nothing short of a fairytale dream and I'm only 5 days in.
Dan and I have mainly been filming a few of the library scenes and the getup he has to wear has definitely taken some getting used to for the both of us- though without question he's had the harder part of the learning curve.
He has to be in this 40 pound suit as he attempts to walk on stilts, however, it allows him to be in the scene with me to which I'm very grateful for. We already have interesting markers to look at when we're talking to any of the other enchanted characters, so I couldn't imagine if he couldn't be in the scene with me as well. Won't lie that it's a bit difficult to not be distracted by the contraption he's wearing though.
I have just gotten through filming the scenes in the room before and after where Belle refuses to go to dinner, getting through it surprisingly quickly since I was technically the only one in the room. It took me two takes for the markers to be exactly where I should be looking, but eventually it was exactly what Bill was wanting and we ran through it a couple times.
We call it a night and after thanking the crew and everyone around me, I turn on my heel and head towards the doors that will take me to the side of the lot where the trailers are.
Thankfully I will be wearing what I am right now for the scene in the morning so I don't have to head to wardrobe and can go straight to my place, calling it a night as soon as I'm changed.
I reach out and push against the handlebar to open the door, my feet immediately stopping the second I'm through the doorway and almost crash into someone "You dyed your hair again."
"Dylan" I barely whisper and he lifts one corner of his mouth, his eyes locked on mine "Hey, Adds."
"What-" I start to say, the rest of my words dying in my throat when he continues "You look breathtakingly beautiful."
"How-" I trail off, not able to bring myself to finish my question and he just smiles nervously "You didn't tell your mom that she should hate me... so between her and Mel, I was able to get a visit to come on set to see you."
I'm kind of speechless with that, my stupid heart swooning at the fact that he's here right now- went to this extreme to show up here.
In fucking London.
When he's definitely supposed to be on his own set right now.
Since I'm not saying anything, he lets his nerves stay front and center as he hesitantly questions "Why, um... why didn't you tell her she should hate me?"
I look away from him and down the lot, seeing everyone making their way to wardrobe and various other end of the day check in spots. Chewing on the inside of my cheek I breathe in deeply and look back at him, releasing my breath around my reply "Because she shouldn't hate you."
"No?" he questions with a hopeful glint in his eye and I'm right there with my caught off guard, petty crown on to keep him on his toes "Well we still have to finish Teen Wolf and Maze Runner, so wouldn't really be ideal for her to hate you with all the press tours would it?"
"Right..." he deflates and nods a little, looking from the ground and back up to me "Is that the only reason she shouldn't hate me?"
Shaking my head at him I try to keep the sass out of my next question "What are you doing here?"
He looks a little taken back by that, his brows raising immediately "You really expected me to not come after you? I told you, Adds I was going to prove to you that I deserve you and I wasn't going to stop at daily phone calls."
I ponder that for a few seconds before I shake my head softly "No, but I actually mean what are you doing here? You're supposed to be filming."
"I had a break" he answers simply and I narrow my eyes in thought at him "How long of one?"
"Just over a week-" he shrugs and looks to the side as a small group of assistants walks by. They see me and wave, which I return with a polite smile and wave back as Dylan turns his back with them so he's facing me more.
Once they're past us I look back over at Dylan. Seeing his nervous smile and actually feeling his on edge energy kick up a notch, I roll my eyes and nod my head forward "Come on"
"You kicking me off set already?" he asks jokingly and steps after me, though I can hear the not so subtle fear in his voice that those words are true.
Even though I want to answer back snarky, I can't. He's put himself out there in a way I always have hoped someone would do for me one day and I don't want him to think I'm not appreciative of that.
He's following me- but not exactly walking right beside me- so I look over my shoulder at him, until he looks at me, and then I'm facing forward once more "You came all this way so least I could do is hear you out before that happens- plus privacy is probably better."
He doesn't respond with that opting to make a noise instead, that could pass as an agreed little grunt, while he follows me to my trailer.
Once we're inside, I close the door and cross my arms over my chest before I turn around and face him. He's leaning his back against the side counter and if I didn't think about it, this would be any other night in my trailer. Just the two of us getting ready to practice lines or spend the rest of the evening being lazy and snuggling in bed while trying to catch up on the never ending Netflix queue we have.
Shaking my head from those thoughts, I clear my throat and move to the back, muttering about changing real quick.
Once I'm in a black long sleeve henley and some heather grey leggings I head back out and ask him to fill me in on why he has just over a week of a break to come here.
Dylan reaches his hand up and scratches just under his jaw, the action bringing attention to the stubble he has grown out for the role and fuck him if it doesn't make me feel some type of way, while he shrugs his other shoulder "Something wasn't quite done on the rig and they needed more time to fix it, so they changed the schedule for this week. I'm not in any of the scenes they're filming so I asked if I could come and see you. Marky Mark is a big softie and helped me put it all together to work best with scheduling."
"Dylan-" I start to say but stop myself because I'm not even sure I know what I want to say to that, however, it doesn't matter because he doesn't give me a chance to keep going. He's pushing off from the counter and taking a step towards me while he rushes out "Please don't tell me that I shouldn't be here, okay? I know I fucked up Adds- I knew it the second you gave me the phone back."
He drops his eyes for a second, looking to the ground while he scratches near his temple "Which I know probably means that the level to which I fucked up has its own predetermined amount of time until you want to see me in person," he brings his eyes back up to connect with mine "But I just- I needed to see you. I needed you to see the sincerity on my face when I told you that if you give me another chance I will show you everyday that what happened the other night will never happen again."
"How are you so sure it won't happen again?" I ask immediately because while that's been what he's been saying everyday, I still don't get why he's so sure in saying that right now.
He scoffs, his tone a little lighter as he states easily "I literally called the one girl on this planet who cannot lie a fucking liar- like an actual douchebag I threw around those words."
Drawing my brows inwards I barely tilt my head to the side, huffing out a breath because that is not good enough.
The small amount of humor on his face clears and he lifts his shoulders up in a desperate, pleading shrug "In all seriousness... because I have spent the last almost 2 weeks without you in my life. We may still be together and we're both in different countries to film, but this isn't like any other work distance from you- this is different and not to be dramatic or anything but it's been an actual hellish nightmare."
The corners of my lips twitch with that and I keep quiet while he continues "Adds, you are not just my girlfriend- you are my best friend. Everything reminds me of you and if it doesn't I immediately want to share it with you so you can enjoy it with me- and I haven't been able to do that. For the last 5 years my day has never been complete until I got to hear how your day went, and that was true both for when we were working together or a part and we haven't had those chats lately. We've only talked on the phone once and our text conversations are different and I get why- honestly I do. I just... if this is my glimpse at losing you, I know I will never let this kind of bullshit happen again."
It's silent while I process everything he just said and he takes the opportunity to say one more thing "You're it for me, Adds- you're thegirl. You are the only girl for me, so please just give me a chance and let me fix this."
I'm immediately on the defense with that and I scoff lightly "Yeah and I said you were the only guy for me yet that wasn't good enough for you and you still thought-"
"No, okay-" he interrupts, shaking his head while keeping his unwavering eyes connected to mine "I know what you're going to say and no, I never thought you cheated on me."
I roll my eyes with that, cursing the painful tingling in my nose signaling tears want to enter the chat, and I laugh humorlessly once "No, right- you just thought I was lying about who I was hanging out with which somehow is worse than if you were to have accused me of cheating on you."
Hearing my exact words I make a face, my hand moving in a circle as I work through it all and rush out "I also know that that probably doesn't make any sense but here we are."
He smiles in that gentle way when I'm doing something ridiculous, his eyes slowly moving over my face as he proves he's my fucking person "It makes perfect sense because then if I had accused you of that blasphemy at least you could have laughed in my face... because we both know you would never cheat on me.."
I make a noise like you're fucking right I wouldn't and throw my hand towards him in my agreement because yes that was exactly where I was going.
"Just like I would never cheat on you, baby" he whispers and my eyes snap up to his. I fail at holding them back and the betraying tears invade my vision, making his sincere face in front of me blurry.
Reaching up I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt and nod with his statement because I do wholeheartedly believe him when he says that.
"I made a mistake, Adds- one I will gladly go the rest of my life never making again," he declares and I softly scoff, crossing my arms over my chest as I look at the floor between us.
He makes a noise with my visible wall going up and when I look back up to him he throws his arms out to his sides "Jesus, I just- I mean I'm 23 and a fucking idiot can I please be allowed to make one mistake?"
Throwing him a look I shake my head once "Of course you're allowed to make a mistake and learn from that mistake. That's the whole point of life is to make mistakes so you can grow and learn and become a better human being. You're going to make a lot more mistakes than just this one too, Dyl, and as long as you grow from them, learn the fucking lesson attached to that mistake, then that's all that matters."
He starts to nod his head, though I keep going because I wasn't done "However, when your mistake also directly involves and deeply hurtsanother person- that person is allowed to be upset... which I am, and that's not just going to go away immediately because you acknowledged you fucked up."
"Fuck Adds, I know you're upset- I know I deeply hurt you and that's why I just want to know how I can fix it" he counters, the broken desperation in his voice even more apparent in person than when we talked on the phone last week.
I soften my face and shrug "Am I not allowed to take a bit of time to sort through everything that you made me feel? Work through all of it in the best way possible for me so that I don't hold on to unnecessary anger that I never let go of which will undoubtedly hurt us in the long run?"
Jamming his tongue into his cheek he breathes out a harsh breath, his voice softer as he concedes "Well yeah when you put it like that of course that's what you should do."
"Great so that's what I've been doing" I uncross my arms and drop them down to my sides as I laugh once "Do you really think I've enjoyed the past two weeks? That I also haven't been missing you and wanting to tell you about everything going on with this amazing film I'm ridiculously excited to be making. The phenomenal people I'm getting to work with and the wardrobe I'm getting to wear while I sing these beautiful songs in front of actual people? That I haven't equally been wanting to hear about you and the set you're on, working with who you're working with while you're bringing to life and telling the devastating story of incredible survivors?"
He visibly swallows, his eyes looking even sadder the more I spoke. He looks like he may want to chime in but he got to say his peace and I need to keep going "You hurt me with the things you said but more than that I'm mad at you for also taking away us from me. You took away the ease of our friendship that has always been here when something upsets me. You made it so I couldn't confide in you with what happened because you did the hurting."
I'm crying at this point but for once in this fight I don't care. I pushed them back because I wanted to be strong last time but all the hurt is front and center now and he needs to see that.
His brows are drawn in, single handedly completing the absolutely broken look on his face and it further cracks my heart. He moves forward slightly, the move an almost twitch like he's fighting with himself to come to me, and that just makes me cry even more.
Hating everything about this, I sniffle once and keep going "I love you so much that I'm mad at you because the fact that I love you makes me want to instantly forget everything that was said or that happened because you're still the only one I want to confide in right now."
I make a hiccup of a sob noise deep in my chest as I reach up and place my sleeve covered palms on my eyes. I take a second before I groan and drop my arms back down to my sides, connecting my watery eyes with his "Because even though you hurt me and I'm mad at you for how you handled this whole situation- you're still the only one I want to comfort me and hug me while you continue to say all the right things that you've been saying for weeks."
That's all it takes and he's closing the gap between us, one arm around my waist and pulling me into his chest while the other grabs the back of my head and holds me to him.
The second my face hits his chest another sob cracks my throat and I wrap my arms around his middle, feeling him hold me even tighter against him.
Breathing in his chest brings another wave of soft cries to me because I've missed him so much. His smell, the way his arms fit and completely wrap around me, the way every involuntary sad noise I make causes him to pull me impossibly closer against him, the overwhelming yet comforting feeling of feeling so safe that literally nothing could hurt me right now- just him.
I have missed all of it... all of him.
One more content noise, that's borderline a whimper, from me and Dyl increases his hold around me, his fingers moving gently against my head where he's still holding me to him.
I squeeze my arms around him a little more when I feel him press his lips to my temple, leaving them there for a second longer before he lays his cheek against the side of my head.
We stay like that for I don't even know how long, the silence turning comfortable once more for the first time in weeks.
It's a couple minutes later when Dylan breaks the silence, though his soft words tell me he doesn't want to break the little cocoon we're in right now "You ready to give me a definite answer yet, Blondie?"
My heart swells at the nickname I haven't heard in far too long and I sniffle once, not letting up on the hold I have around him "Definite answer to which question?"
He takes a moment before his fingers press into me with his barely whispered question "Did I fuck this all up and lose you?"
"Is that you subtly asking if we're officially on a break or not?" I can't help but ask, letting go to step a few steps back from him. He reluctantly let me move away from him, the hesitance in his hold on me apparent when I stepped out of his arms.
His eyes had dropped to my feet, seeming to measure the new distance between us, however as soon as my words register to him he snaps his eyes back up to connect with mine "No it's me asking exactly what I am because I need to know if I need to keep the tame fighting for you to give me another chance plan or if I need to up the ante and bring out the big guns fighting to get you back after a break up plan."
"I didn't break up with you" I clarify barely above a whisper and he softens his face, nodding towards me ever so slightly "You also haven't answered if I've lost you... because if I've already lost you and you're just not saying it yet then that means the break up is coming as soon as you're ready to say the words."
I don't answer him right away, taking the silence of the space around us that he's giving me to really come to terms with what I've known since the moment I left the hotel that night.
Clearing my throat I lay everything that I've come to the conclusion of these last few weeks all out in front of us "You're so worried that you're going to lose me that the way you handle situations is eventually going to do just that. You are subconsciously letting your jealousy push me away to save yourself from the heartache you think is inevitable of someone else coming along and taking me away from you. In what I think is your own self preservation tactic- if you push me far enough away first then it won't hurt as badly."
"I wasn't trying to push you away" he states without missing a beat and I smile sadly "I know, but how you have treated past situations with anyone of the male species connected to me was slowly doing that," he looks down briefly, nodding before he looks at me again and I keep going "I wasn't even aware it was happening until I was on the plane and looking back at everything. Being my boyfriend meant that you needed to trust me, in any situation but especially the business we're in and you weren't doing that. You were inadvertently already thinking that I'm one step out the door and that wasn't fair- what you did the other night was not fair..."
He brings his hands out in front of him, pressing his thumb of one hand into the space between his thumb and forefinger of the other. He does that a few times, alternating between each hand in a move I've only seen him do before interviews.
He's nervous.
Slowly I move my eyes up from his hands and hesitantly connect my eyes with his. I see the nerves in his gaze as well, but I also see the deep love he's always had for me... and that's all it takes.
Letting go of the hold my teeth had on the inside of my cheek, I take a deep breath in and slowly release it "But you didn't lose me."
"What was that?" he looks at me, tilting his head to the side like he didn't hear me correctly. I, however, see the hope dancing in his eyes and I smile softly, shaking my head every so slightly "I said you didn't lose me."
He closes his eyes with my words, his mouth lifting into a hesitant smile as he processes my words. When he opens his eyes again he takes the few steps that were separating us until he's standing right in front of me.
Reaching his arm up he places his palm on the side of my face, his fingers gently resting on the side of my neck. His eyes are locked on mine and he licks his lips before his soft whisper of a voice fills the small space between us "One more time, baby girl."
I set my hand on his outstretched arm and barely whisper loud enough "You never lost me, Dyl."
Not even half a second after I say his name and he's leaning forward, effectively capturing my lips with his in a searing hot kiss. I push up on my toes and wrap my arms behind his neck, feeling his wrap around my waist with his hands flat against my back.
We may have seen each other 2 weeks ago but I haven't actually felt his lips on mine in just over 2 months... and let me tell you, he's definitely remembering that little fact right now with the way he's pulling me against him.
Both of his hands grip onto either side of my waist, his fingers pressing into my skin while he gently pushes me back against the counter.
He swipes his tongue along mine- the action drawing out an involuntary moan, that I try to keep quiet, from me at the same time he's reaching up and gently placing his palms against my cheeks.
One more series of a few quick kisses before he pulls away just enough to place his forehead on mine.
I keep my eyes closed for a second longer and when I open them I see his are still closed, his dark lashes slightly moving against the top of his cheek. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, the movement drawing a small smile from me before I bite the side of my lip.
Like he can sense me unabashedly staring at him, and his ridiculously beautiful face, he opens his eyes. He smiles the second he sees me looking right at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
He slowly moves his thumb against my cheek, removing his hand to run his fingers through my hair from ear down to the ends "I know it's going to take time to show you but I promise the jealous Tarzan bullshit is done."
I smile with that, lifting my shoulders a little "Don't get me wrong, your Tarzan side can be hot because I can usually just climb on your lap and kiss away the worries you have," he smiles with that before my face takes on a more serious note and I keep going "It's not hot though when you take it to the level you did the other night."
Dyl moves his eyes between mine, his hold on me increasing just slightly as he probably prepares for me to step back again. I don't though and instead hug him to me a little more "What happened the other night is exactly how you will lose me if the bullshit isn't done because I can't do this again, Dyl. You should be able to hear me saying why in the fuck would I want anyone else when I have you just once and believe it."
"I do believe it" he agrees instantly and I nod once "That also means I won't lie to you about who I'm with, no matter what, because no one is worth lying about since I have you."
He runs his nose along mine, his arms tightening around my back once more "I learned the hardest lesson 2 weeks ago, trust me when I say I believe you."
"I love you" I whisper and he smiles before he picks me up, sets me on the counter behind me and kisses me in between his next words "You- have- no- fucking- idea-" with one more longer kiss before he pulls back and I laugh, seeing him moving his eyes all over my face "I love you, Adds."
I wrap my legs around his waist, causing him to step into me a little more as I cross my ankles behind him. His hands are on my waist and I move my fingers through the hair just above his neck, hearing him groan in approval.
I smile brightly as I ask hopefully "This means you're staying with me tonight, right?"
"Adds I'm with you until you kick me out or 10 days is up, whichever comes first" he clarifies immediately and I laugh, tilting my head to the side at the thought that comes to me "Wait, where's your stuff?"
He takes a second before he admits a little sheepishly "I didn't bring anything"
"You didn't- you didn't bring anything... not even a carry on?" I repeat and he shakes his head "Not even a carry on."
I chuckle with that and narrow my eyes in thought "You probably looked insane."
"I could have just been one of those people who checked a bag" he argues, mock offended and I just raise a brow "Those people still usually always have some type of carry on bag."
His face falls a little before he shrugs "Adds, for all I knew I wouldn't even be allowed on set when you saw me and I was going to have to fly out on the next flight available."
My heart hurts a little with that, though it's lessened some by the healing we've already started. I make a face and question further "Wait a minute- so you didn't even bring your pillow?"
His lips twitch at the corners at the same time he's shaking his head once more "Not even the pillow made the trek this time."
I jerk my head back with that, squeezing my arms around him "But you don't travel anywhere without your pillow, no matter how short the trip is..."
"I know" he smiles and I throw him a look as I quip "You've always said that it's there for you on the plane if nothing else."
Dyl just laughs and with his hands still on my waist pulls me into him a little more "Baby, I don't need my pillow if I have you."