I had gone back down to the cellar after that, leaving Levi alone under the tree. He didn't stop me.
While I was there I didn't sleep. I sat thinking about what he said, his words had truth.
I did do those things. I did them without thinking sometimes. Sitting there clutching my legs, on the bed that had been put down there originally for Eren made me wonder.
Had I been given this ability when I was brought here? Was there something that had to change because of me?
But what could I do? Now I was a Titan it would be clear. I could be a secret weapon, more so than what I could do already. And since they hadn't seen me transform they had no idea who the new Titan was. I was trying to figure out what Bertholdt had mouthed. But it was unclear. I did hope I had hurt them, they had betrayed us and were traitors.
After a while I left the cellar. Now no longer believing I was a monster-or not so much as one. I didn't go to the kitchen, I went outside to the stables. The horses neighed at me, their breath misting in the air and I touched my horse. Being there calmed me. They didn't act like I was a monster. Just Layla the human visiting. It calmed me more, made me believe that actually I may have become a monster, but did I actually lose myself? No. I was still Layla inside that body. I could still think like me and I needed to stop thinking I was a monster and trust my squad. Trust the Scouts.
I nuzzled my horse whispering sweet words to it.
"Layla?" Jean had come into the stables and it was clear I had surprised him. "Your out here?"
He took one look at me and my horse and I saw his shoulders slump out of the corner of my eye.
"Are you leaving us?" He asked sadly.
I shook my head. I didn't trust myself to speak.
His shoulders lifted in relief. "Just visiting the horses?" He then asked.
I nodded.
He smiled softly. "Can I give you a hug?" He asked again.
I nodded. He rushed and pulled me right into his arms.
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He muttered.
I shook my head.
He didn't need to be sorry. I would have reacted the same way if someone I knew well changed without warning.
He pulled away and linked his arm with mine.
"Aren't you hungry?"
I shrugged.
"Well, you need to eat, so your coming with me." He added and pulled me along with him.
He pulled me into the kitchen and I heard all conversation cease. Crickets could have been heard.
"Go on." Jean pushed me in, but I dug my heels in. Nope. Not if I was going to do this.
He tried to push me in but I ducked away from his arms and left.
I couldn't quite go in there like that. I was still ashamed.
"Layla!" Erens voice called and I turned. He had joined me outside, clearly having run after me. "Please come and eat?"
I shook my head. He looked at me and sighed. I knew what he saw. Red eyes and black bags. Red welted wrists. I had done that to myself. Instead of leaving he hugged me and I stiffened. This was Eren. He was like me but would he hate me now he saw me in the light?
"Thank you for coming out." He said holding me tight. "I meant what I said. I'll believe even if you don't."
I shook my head at him and for good measure stepped back and rolled my eyes.
He laughed. "Back to yourself now huh?"
I nodded.
"Just not speaking?" I nodded at his words.
"Good means I can get away with not being scolded!" He cheered. I rolled my eyes and cuffed him around the head.
"Ow!" He said rubbing his head. "Ok. Ok." He grinned brightly. "Come on, Come and eat."
And this time I let him drag me in, conversation paused not as long as last time and then it resumed.
Even dragged me to where he was sitting. I felt eyes on me but sat with him, and took what he passed to me. I didn't make eye contact with anyone.
With Erwin, Hanje and Levi.
"I am glad she's come out." Hanje said softly, watching the clearly distraught young woman eat silently.
"Has she spoken since?" Erwin asked.
"Last night we spoke together." Levi said. "Doesn't look like she has since though." He looked at her. She looked better than she did last night. The welts still looked sore, and her face bore the signs of excessive crying and no sleep, but at least she was eating.
"She just needs time." Erwin said. "It was a huge shock."
"Well, I'm not surprised." Hanje said. "From what I gather she adopted that trio." She pointed at Eren, Mikasa and Armin. "When Shiganshina fell when they were ten. And has treated them like brothers and sister since. It would make sense that seeing a brother kidnapped like that would have triggered such an emotional response."
Erwin nodded and Levi scoffed.
"She thought she was a monster." He stated, his eyes never leaving the young woman.
"A monster?" Hanje said. "Why would she." Hanje stopped herself. "Of course, watching her friends be eaten, losing them to man eating Titans can only link to her becoming a monster like them."
"She isn't one." Erwin said, smiling softly at the young woman. "She's a human soldier with an amazing ability. And although her ability makes her a great weapon, she's still human."
Levi nodded.
Back with Layla.
I had rejoined the Scouts. I was a scout. A human not a monster.
I would have to keep reminding myself of that.
Erwin soon stood and described that we would be journeying back to the inner city, to reconvene.
Not too long after that we were packed up and on our way. I was in the middle of the squadron. Along with Eren and Historia. Mikasa and Armin were on Eren's side and Jean, Connie and Sasha were on my side. Sasha hadn't told us what had happened when she had gone to evacuate her village and I wasn't going to ask. Not because I wanted to but because I didn't want to know.
We travelled back. Everything was quiet on entering the city of Trost.
Too quiet.
I had my hands clenching and unclenching, something was wrong.
"Layla?" Connie asked. "You ok?"
I just shook my head and put a hand on my ear.
"Quiet?" Connie asked. He looked around us. "I agree."
We carried on for a bit longer and then our squad was surrounded. My horse reared and I was afraid that I would be unseated. I stroked its neck and attempted to calm it.
"Stop!" One of the MPs said. "All Scouts are to be arrested immediately."
"On who's orders?" Erwin asked.
"The Kings." The Scouts said. I saw Erwin nod at Levi, who motioned for us to get off our horses. Why? What was going on?
Levi moved to the side motioning for myself, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie and Sasha to join him.
Well it didn't sound good, the fact the king was ordering our arrest.
Levi grabbed my arm, and the others grabbed one another's. While the MPs were waiting on their orders, Levi whispered into my ear. "Into shadows." And pulled me into the shadows. We went in twos, so it wouldn't look suspicious.
We moved silently around the MPs to hide.
We heard the squad be moved on, a quick question over some empty horses but Erwin covered for us. We had to find somewhere to go.
I lightly tapped Levi's arm, he turned and I pointed. He saw where I was pointing to and then nodded.
An empty house, we climbed in slowly through the window and discussed our options. Which was limited.