The cold, oily feeling of dread slithered down to my stomach and curled there, heavy and nauseating as Snape's beady eyes scanned the two of us. Draco's hand gripped so tightly on his wand that I was afraid it would snap between his bony fingers. Though it was still sunny out, Snape's dark hair and robes seemed to swallow all the light around us. I felt goosebumps prick my arms as the three of us stood in silence.
"I assume you knew I was looking for Ms. Adler," Snape spoke to Draco, who gave a terse shake of his head in response. "No? Interesting," he mused, turning his eyes back to me.
"We do not have all day, Ms. Adler. Follow me," Snape commanded, his robes billowing as he turned; walking away without sparing a glance back, knowing we would follow behind.
I dared to sneak a glance at Draco, since he might've had an idea why Snape wanted to see me. Draco, though, kept his gaze pinned to the floor in front of him, his body tense. He hadn't put his wand away yet, so I didn't either. It could've been entirely unrelated to the conversation I had overheard, but I knew that my luck was not that good.
Each foot step rang in my ears like a drumbeat, counting down to the moment we stopped walking and whatever Snape wanted came to light. Each corridor we walked through seemed to get darker and darker until we reached the secluded hallway where Snape's office was. It made sense now, why he wanted so much privacy. It wouldn't really be very good if Dumbledore were to hear his prized, "changed" former Death Eater conversing with the Dark Lord, would it?
Snape reached his office before Draco and I, turning and waiting with a stony expression as we entered. My heart was like thunder in my ears. I couldn't tell if Draco not knowing anything terrified me or not.
Snape's office was filled with shelves full of jars and vials with every type of ingredient I could imagine. It was dark, eerie, as if the evil deeds of its occupant infested the lights that lined the walls and the ceiling. On Snape's desk sat a large stoppered bottle that seemed to hold a pure white lily in it suspended in mid-air.
He entered after us and locked the door behind him. The click of the bolt sent shivers down my spine, as if it were the opening score to the scene of my demise. For a moment, I chastised myself for being so dramatic, but once I spotted the chair sitting in the middle of the dimly lit room and the glass potion vile next to it, I realized perhaps my thoughts were warranted.
"Ms. Adler," Snape said, his dark eyes resting on me. "Take a seat."
I dared a glance at Draco but he was looking at the vial. Flicking my gaze back to Snape, I nodded my head minutely and did as told. The wood creaked as I sat, my hands intertwined in my lap.
"Draco, assist me with securing Ms. Adler. We wouldn't want her to run off before we've finished."
Draco only hesitated for a fraction of a second before imitating Snape by lifting his wand and mumbling a spell that I couldn't quite make out. Ropes appeared out of thin air and wrapped around my wrist and ankles so swiftly I didn't even have time to protest, snapping them to the wooden chair. The rough rope held my limbs to the arms and legs of my seat tight enough that my skin was already smarting with pain beneath it.
Betrayal and fear came at Draco's obedience. Even if I knew it shouldn't. Of course he would listen to Snape, especially when knowing what I knew. There was no choice between Snape and I; Draco would never put himself on the line like that, not for me.
I took a few breaths to calm my racing heart. I'd be damned if I let them see how scared I was. Snape picked up the bottle sitting next to me, his long, yellow fingernails softly clicking against it. The liquid inside was clear, almost akin to water, but there was something slightly off about the way it sloshed against the glass as he handled it.
"Ms. Adler, Professor Slughorn cannot stop bragging about how well you've performed in his class," Snape began, his voice slow and heavy with cruelty. "Perhaps you'd like to tell Draco what is in this vial?"
I swallowed, my saliva nearly choking me. I knew, and knowing only increased my terror.
"Veritaserum," I answered, my voice quiet. Draco's eyes widened imperceptibly.
Snape's eyes narrowed at my lack of an honorific when addressing him, but he continued. "Correct. The truth serum, as it is more commonly known. Quite a difficult potion to brew, but it seemed the situation called for it. Mr. Malfoy, have you noticed that Ms. Adler has a certain... habit of being places she isn't meant to be?" Snape inquired, a cold glint in his beady eyes.
Draco swallowed softly. The question wasn't rhetorical and he seemed to hesitate with his answer. Snape turned around, an eyebrow quirked up questioningly. "Well, Draco?"
"Yes, sir," Draco answered, his eyes jumping to mine and darting away again once he saw me watching him.
Bastard.
Snape nodded, turning his attention back on me. "It also seems that Ms. Adler, nosy as she is, knows about certain things she should not. Isn't that right?" He asked me, uncorking the vial.
I didn't respond, but held his gaze as he drew up some of the clear liquid into the dropper attached to the lid. I knew what was about to happen, and I knew there was no way to stop it, but I still clamped my jaw shut as hard as I could. That damn liquid was not going in my mouth, not if I had anything to say about it.
Snape sneered at me, which was the most emotion I had ever seen the uptight man express. "As amusing as your antics are, I have no patience for disobedient students. Either you can open your mouth and retain some sense of pride, or Draco will assist me in doing so. I can assure you the second option would be far from pleasant, especially considering your past history with the boy."
So he didn't know about any of the things that had happened between Draco and I recently. Good. That meant things would be far less complicated, but it was a small drop of relief in an ocean of panicked terror.
Still, I kept my lips sealed shut even as Snape motioned for Draco to approach us. Draco wouldn't look at me, even as Snape instructed him to stand behind me. The warmth of his torso radiated towards me, making me long to lean back and get even a bit of heat in this frozen office. It wasn't because I was craving his touch, I told myself.
"Draco, if you would, I'd like to get on with this," Snape said.
Draco's arm curled into view from behind me, his hand coming around to grip my jaw. His cold touch electrified my skin as I remembered the last time he had touched me like that. This, however, was not a romantic caress; with his thumb on one side and his four fingers on the other, he found the hinge of my jaw and dug his fingers into the soft flesh. His other went over my nose, clamping a tight seal around it that made it impossible to breathe. A dull pain pulsed around where he touched, making me wince. After a few moments, my lungs were already burning with lack of oxygen and forced me to open my mouth as Draco pressed into the joint.
The moment my mouth opened, Snape swooped in and placed three drops in quick succession onto my tongue. As soon as Snape had completed his task, Draco dropped his hand from my face, the faint sensation of his touch still floating over my cheeks. I couldn't taste anything, but as soon as Draco stepped away, I spat roughly onto the floor, trying to rid my mouth of the vile serum.
"Pathetic," Snape drawled, eyeing me with disgust. "Now, shall we begin?"
I felt... normal , but that didn't offer much comfort as Draco returned to Snape's side, ever the valiant lap dog. I wished that he would just look at me, even once, so I could read whatever was going on in his head. As guarded as Draco liked to keep his emotions, I'd noticed that with me, he had a tendency to drop that wall of defense. That made me sound pompous; I wasn't, not really. It was just the truth, at least most of the time.
Snape slid back his black sleeves with two quick flicks of his wrists. "Let us begin with something easy, just to show Draco how this works," he said, and my stomach dropped.
"Ms. Adler, what House were you sorted into?"
As if I had no power over my mouth, the rest of my body froze as I blurted out, "Ravenclaw." It was a terrible feeling, worse than any I had felt before. I had truly had no control over my words, which only made my panic rise higher as Snape nodded, satisfied.
"Sometimes, as I'm sure you are both aware, a student does not only belong to a single House, correct? Out of sheer curiosity, and because I have my suspicions, what House did the Sorting Hat first place you in?" Snape asked.
That same feeling of control being seized from me swept over my body and my mouth spat out the word, "Slytherin." My cheeks flushed red at my admission.
Draco let his shock slip through the dense barrier of calm he had constructed, and Snape, the bastard , had the gall to look smug. "I pride myself in being rather adept at spotting imposters, Ms. Adler, and you certainly are a snake hiding in the eagle's nest, are you not?"
"Yes," I was forced to say, even as my stomach churned. I was, I realized. I was, and I had done a damn good job of fooling everyone, even myself.
Snape leaned in, his shadowy form towering over me like a dark colossus. His breath smelled slightly rancid, making me fight the urge to wrinkle my nose at the sour scent. I found myself thinking the pasty palor of his skin was nothing like Draco's statuesque paleness.
"Interesting, isn't it, Draco, that this little wretch is just like the House she professes to hate. She, though she does her best to lie and hide it, is just like you and I," Snape observed.
I am nothing like them. I'm not.
"How ironic, really. It makes sense, though, that you would be the unfortunate soul to stumble upon a rather private conversation I was having the other day."
I thought I had felt sick before; I thought I had felt dread, and panic, and terror, but I had been wrong. I had been so very wrong, because the feeling that crashed over me now was enough to make my heart nearly stop. I hadn't let myself think this was why Snape had found me, but subconsciously, I knew it couldn't have been for any other reason.
Opting to say nothing, I focused on a flickering candle atop one of the shelves of ingredients lining the back wall on the left side of the door. My mind was reeling as I tried to come up with a solution, but for all my supposed smarts and wittiness, I could find nothing. Not unless Draco suddenly had a change of heart, and god knew that would never happen. Snape placed both his hands on either of the chair arms, creating a wall of inky seclusion between me and the rest of the room.
"Ms. Adler," Snape started, and I could feel my palms growing sweaty against the rough wood of the chair. "Did you happen to overhear the conversation in question?"
I gritted my teeth, as if I could keep my mouth from responding. My bones groaned with the effort, but the serum won out. "Yes, I did," I grunted, my eyes still on the dancing white candle in the back of the room.
"What exactly did you hear?"
Shitshitshitshitshit --
And then my mouth, my fucking traitor of a goddamn mouth, recounted every word of the conversation I had heard between Snape and Voldemort, as if I were a tape recorder being replayed. I tried as hard as I could, so hard that I swore my jaw was going to snap, but I couldn't stop my lips from forming the words that destroyed any semblance of safety I would probably ever have. I even let loose the part about Draco, about him struggling to complete his duty. At that, I could've sworn the faintest pink dusted Draco's face, but I didn't dare look at him.
Leaning back, taking his horrid stench with him, a haughty smile slowly spread across Snape's face. "As I thought. Now, Draco, do you see why this nosy little girl must be taken care of?"
Taken care of?
Draco didn't respond, so Snape whirled around, facing the blond boy. "Draco. I asked you a question, boy."
"Yes, sir," Draco mumbled.
"And what do you think the best course of action is?" Snape inquired, and I couldn't help but feel as though this was some sort of test for him.
Draco's brows drew together in confusion. "What do I think?"
Snape sighed, half growing as he spoke. "Yes, Draco ," he spat. "Since you insist that you are old enough to handle such matters, what do you think should be done about Ms. Adler?"
Finally, finally , he looked at me, and I felt my chest tighten with anticipation. Surely, Draco deciding my fate had to be better than Snape being the one to do so. Right?
He was absolutely unreadable as he studied me, bound and helpless in the chair I was occupying. Stepping forward, he tilted his head as he considered his answer. It strangely felt as though this was some sort of turning point for the two of us, like whatever he decided to do would decide the fate of our skewed relationship.
"Obliviation," Draco said finally, turning to Snape. "If she forgets what she heard, she's not a threat. Doing anything else would take too much effort and could raise too much suspicion. She does have people who would notice if she went missing, believe it or not."
Dick .
But Obliviation? I could live with that; I would rather forget this whole mess, as selfish as it sounded. It had been weighing far too heavily on my mind, and I couldn't be of any help, anyways. It probably was best I go about my life never knowing this happened in the first place. At least then, I wouldn't feel so responsible for the school's safety.
It wasn't my fight, not really. What could I, a Muggleborn Ravenclaw, do about any of this? Nothing; the answer was absolutely nothing.
Snape hummed quietly, as if pleased by Draco's suggestion. I felt my shoulders sag in relief, aching from the tense position I had been holding them in. "That is an acceptable decision. The sooner this," he gestured to me, clearly annoyed by my presence even though he had been the one to hold me there, " girl is gone, the less time the Dark Lord has to wait. And He is not a patient master."
Pulling his wand from his stormcloud of dark robes, Snape stood in front of me, ready to cast the spell. Draco seemed to hesitate, but then spoke. "Professor, if you'll allow me, I'd like to do it. No one better than me to teach this nosy bitch a lesson."
I tried to hide my flinch at his words, but Draco caught my sudden movement. I refused to acknowledge that, though. Letting his words hurt me was only making things worse.
Snape lowered his wand. "You must do it correctly, or there will be consequences. Do you understand? Not from me, Draco."
Draco nodded, and Snape tucked away his wand. "Quickly, then. I have a meeting I must attend, but I trust you will have no problems performing such a simple spell?"
"Yes, sir. I won't disappoint you," Draco promised.
"It wouldn't be me you'd disappoint," Snape answered, sending a shiver down my spine.
Draco watched Snape stalk out of the room, his shoulders sagging slightly as the door clicked shut behind the professor. Moving his attention back onto me, he looked at me for a moment until I sighed angrily, squirming slightly in my chair.
"You're a damn bastard, you know that? A bastard and a fucking prick," I spat.
"I just saved your ass twice and you're calling me names? How predictable," Draco responded, shaking his head. "Don't you understand that Snape was fully prepared to get rid of you if we didn't come up with another solution? He'll do anything for--" Draco stopped, running his hand through his white hair. "You know how Snape is. You should be grateful."
I scowled. "If you had just fucking left me alone this year, neither of us would be here, so who's fault is it, really?"
Draco's eyes turned cold as he approached. My hands felt clammy as he pulled out his wand, pointing the instrument between my eyes. "Lucky for you, you're going to forget any of this ever happened. I don't expect thanks from you anyway, but you could at least be civil."
"Civil?" I laughed sarcastically. "Coming from the guy who helped tie me up in a chair in this rank, dusty office."
"It isn't my fault you chose to not mind your own damn business and snooped around," Draco snapped. "I thought you were smarter than that!"
"And I thought Death Eaters weren't allowed inside Hogwarts, so I guess we were both wrong!" I shot back.
Draco snarled, dropping his raised arm and placing his hands on the back of my chair on either side of me. He leaned in, his familiar scent making me almost sigh as the warm musk hit me.
Stupid. Stupid. Pull it together .
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Draco growled. "You think you know, but you have no damn idea what's going on."
"I know that--" I started, but I shut my mouth. Now wasn't the time to be a smartass; that could come after there wasn't an immediate threat of danger looming over my head.
Draco's eyes darkened. "You know what ?"
The veritaserum apparently was still coursing through my system, because I answered, "That you're having doubts. That He Who Must Not Be Named thinks that you're not going to be able to complete the task he gave you."
Draco's face drained of blood, which shocked me. I had never seen so much fear present in the Slytherin before. "You heard wrong, then. That isn't true."
"You asked, I answered."
"I don't think I've ever despised someone as much as I despise you," he said viciously, his eyes searching my own for a reaction that I wasn't going to give him.
Because I was feeling brave, or maybe stupid, I said, "Liar."
"You know what?" Draco barked. "I'm sick of you. I'm ready to be done with this whole thing."
I snorted. "Feeling's mutual, you asshole."
Draco pulled back, anger burning in his eyes. " Obliviate!" he shouted, but I noticed his voice trembling a bit and his wand dipping slightly before my vision went dark.
I couldn't feel the chair beneath me, nor were my hands and feet still tied. My eyes were shut, but it seemed I was awake, because I could hear the soft thump of music from the room behind the wall I was leaning against. Someone's hands were roaming my thighs and hips, creating trails of sparking heat as they traveled.
I opened my eyes, the world suddenly spinning as I realized how drunk I was. Draco's lips were pressing fiery kisses to the sensitive skin of my neck, making moans bubble up in my chest as he worked. His hands were gripping my hips as if it were his lifeline, and his own were pressed into my pelvis, grinding against me softly. A breathy whine left my mouth as Draco scraped his teeth against my skin, a pleasant pain erupting as he did.
My shirt was half unbuttoned, Draco's matching, and my entire body felt too hot and too clothed. All I wanted in that moment, more than anything, was to feel Draco's hands on every inch of my bare skin. I went to tug his shirt off and this seemed to shock Draco out of his frenzy because he pulled back, causing me to freeze at his abrupt reaction. He shook his head. "You...no. We can't."
If I had been any less drunk, embarrassment would've crippled me, but instead I felt only disappointment, even with my clothes rumpled and half-undone. "What?" It was the only thing I could think to say.
Draco sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "Elaine, you're drunk."
"So?" I asked, furrowing my brow. Why did it suddenly matter so much?
"So," He repeated, an edge of impatience lining his voice. "You don't know what you're doing. I-" Draco hesitated, squeezing his eyes shut as if he were clearing his head, trying to convince himself. "I don't...I don't want to be another terrible thing you associate with getting drunk like-like-"
As muddled as my brain was, I still felt bewildered at his confession. I didn't think he could be that conscious of how I felt. "I-what?"
He looked at me, clearly uncomfortable, though I didn't know if it was a result of the situation or the topic at hand. "I shouldn't have even kissed you back. I'm sorry. You don't know what you're doing."
Disappointment drowned my previously lust-filled haze and I couldn't stop the dismay twisting my face as he spoke.
Of course he regrets kissing you. Don't be daft.
"Oh," I answered lamely, suddenly feeling much more sober and oddly bare. Like I had told a massive secret and been humiliated for it. "Sorry, then."
It was odd, the mixture of lingering arousal and self-hatred that settled like a stone in my stomach. It made me feel far sicker than any alcohol could. What made me even more nauseous was the shame in Draco's eyes. I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't because of me, but that nasty, ever-present voice in the back of my mind whispered that he pushed me away because he couldn't even bear the thought of. . . . us together like that.
Suddenly, I felt as if I was going to be sick and Draco stepped back, an unusual look of concern on his face. I noticed fleetingly that the porcelain skin of his chest was exposed between the white columns of his button-up, which reminded me that I was practically half-naked. Mortification shot through me and I bent down, frantically pulling the sides of my cardigan closed and redoing what buttons hadn't broken off.
"I think you should go back to your dorm. Sleep," Draco spoke softly, softer than I'd ever heard it. I knew that that tone would run through my mind on repeat for the next few days. I already hated myself for it.
Dismissal. Rejection.
I turned to leave, humiliation burning my skin, but I felt Draco's hand reach out, stopping me. The alcohol in my system didn't help the confusion that addled my mind as he did so.
"I--" he began, but stopped, sighing roughly. "Fuck," he mumbled. "It isn't...that isn't why, Elaine."
I felt my forehead crinkle as I furrowed my brows. "What do you mean?"
Draco sighed again, rubbing his face with his free hand. His hand was still messy from my touch a few moments earlier, his muscled chest still exposed from my attempt at removing his shirt, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. "You're so difficult when you're drunk," he swore, shaking his head. "I mean, Elaine, that I--fuck," he cursed again. "Why is this so damn hard?" He asked, more to himself than me.
"Just say it," I told him, and it felt like my words were tilting as they left my mouth. "It's not hard, you know. You don't like me like that. I get it."
Draco spun me, making me face him head on. "You're about as bright as a rock sometimes, you know that?"
"Wh--"
"No, let me finish," Draco said, impatience lining his voice. "I'm not going to...I can't do this with you, not when you're like this."
"Like what?" I asked, still rather confused.
Draco sighed again, his voice full of frustration. "Merlin's fucking beard, Elaine. Drunk, you idiot. I'm not fucking doing this with you when you're so drunk you can barely stand. You may think poorly of me, but even I wouldn't do that."
I huffed. "I can stand just fine."
"That isn't the point," Draco growled. "You really have to make everything in my life difficult, don't you?"
"Then what is the point?" I challenged.
"The point is, if you'd ever shut up, that I--I care too much about you to have sex with you and not have you remember it the next day," Draco whisper-shouted. "Merlin, as much as you drive me insane and make me want to throttle you...fuck, Elaine. You deserve better than that."
I had to have misheard him; the alcohol had to have made me mishear him, because there was no way in hell Draco Malfoy just told me that he cared about me. "What?" I said, because that was all I really could say.
Draco glared at me. "Do your ears not work? I said you fucking deserve better than that. Bloody fucking hell," he muttered.
"You-you care about me? Now that is news to me. I thought you hated my guts," I told him, feeling like everything was swaying as I looked at him.
I guess it had been me swaying, not the world, because Draco reached out his other hand, grabbing my shoulder to steady me, and everything stilled once more.
"You are so damn drunk," Draco muttered. "Insufferable, really."
I felt my bottom lip curl into a pout. "Well, that isn't very nice."
"I'm not very nice," Draco shot back.
"Yes, you are," I responded. "Sometimes, when we're alone and you're hurt, sometimes you're nice."
Draco shook his head. "That's different. Doesn't count."
"Why not?" I demanded, earning another annoyed huff from the boy.
"It just...it just doesn't," Draco said. "Can you just get back to your dorm so this night can be over with? I'm exhausted."
I didn't want to leave him, though, even with his insults and his clear, high level of frustration. "Why? I'm really fine," I said, but even to me, my words sounded a bit odd, as if they were coming from underwater.
"No," Draco countered, his jaw clenched. "You aren't. And I don't trust the idiotic boys that go to this school, even if you were."
I merely blinked at him, clearly not following what he was saying. The colors of his face, the hallway, the dancing lights, swirled as I did, making me suck in a calming breath as my stomach tightened with nausea.
"It's late," he elaborated. "Bad things happen late at night."
"Is-is this a bad thing?" I asked, my courage stoked by the liquor in my veins. "Most of the time we're together, it's late at night. So if bad things happen at night, then that means you think everything we do is bad. Do you think it's bad?" I questioned.
My words grew more slurred with each second, but I couldn't stop the flow of speech from flooding out of my mouth. "And if you think this is--is bad, then why do you keep finding me at night? Cus I'll--I'll tell you what, Draco," I said, pointing at him. "I-I think you like doing bad things with me."
"Why in the hell would I like doing things with you?" Draco asked, his brow raised in question. "You bother me."
I snorted, a too-loud, too-obnoxious sound. "No, I don't. Not really. You care about me," I told him haughtily. "Remember? You just said so."
"I-That isn't--"
"I care about you, too, you know. I shouldn't, but I do. You're all I can think about lately," I informed him simply, unaware of the gravity of my statement. My mind seemed to want to just dump everything out tonight, for all the world, for Draco, to see.
Draco stilled, his silver eyes a mesmerizing shade of metal under the dim corridor lighting. "You what?"
"I care about you. You, mister Draco Malfoy, are all I can think about," I repeated. "You and your stupid blond hair and your silver eyes and your hands and-and your..." I trailed off as my eyes landed on his lips, still rosy and flushed from our kisses earlier.
Draco seemed to let out a soft exhale as he realized where my gaze was pointed. "Elaine, you--no. You're just...you don't care about me. Not like that. It's the alcohol talking."
"You don't know how I feel," I told him.
"I know how you should feel," Draco said. "I am the last person you should care about."
I sighed. "All you ever do is go on about how things can't or shouldn't be. Why don't you ever just talk about what they are?"
Draco ran his hand through his hair again, but strangely, his frustration was only making me want him more. Maybe he was right; maybe I was really, really drunk. He mumbled something to himself, shaking his head as he did so. That only piqued my curiosity, because I had been too afraid to ask him that question before, and I longed for an answer.
"Why?" I insisted, impatience thrumming through me.
"Why?" Draco repeated. "You want to know why?"
I nodded, as if to say, "That's why I asked."
"Because, Elaine," he said, the way his mouth formed my name making a wanting ache ripple through me. "Because things are rarely so simple. I wouldn't be surprised that you don't understand that, though. You just move through life, doing whatever you damn well please, and you never think about the consequences. Most of us do not have that luxury. Most of us do not just get to fall in love with whoever we want."
His small insults were erased as his last sentence left his mouth, making my throat tighten. "Fall in love?"
"That isn't--" Draco stopped and let out a string of curses. "Damn it all," he whispered to himself. Meeting my eyes, there was something in his look that made me stop everything, my breath freezing in my lungs. "Yes, okay? Fall in love."
"You-you...?" I said, unable to form a proper sentence due to the shock that was fogging up my mind.
"Yes, Elaine. Merlin's beard, you're daft sometimes. I--" Draco grit his teeth, as if saying it was physically painful. "I think I'm falling in love with you."
Every word I tried to say seemed to stick in my throat, leaving me gaping at him like a fish gasping for air. Draco shook his head again, as if he were trying to clear it. "I shouldn't have said that," he said.
"Why?"
"Because, this--you and I, the very idea of us shouldn't even exist. Just forget I said anything," Draco told me, and there it was again, that icy wall of isolation he threw up every time he faced something difficult.
"I can't just forget it," I disagreed. "But-but--"
Draco clenched his fist, letting out a sharp breath. "Then I'll just have to make you."
It felt like I was slammed back into my body, making me gasp for air as I returned to the present. Draco looked stunned, as if he had just seen something terrible.
"What the hell was that?" I asked, reaching up to push my hair out of my face before feeling the rough bindings encircling my wrists again. I winced as they tore at the tender flesh of my wrists, a reminder that I had been tied up for a while now. "Draco, what--"
"What happened?" Draco asked, dropping his wand entirely as I took another deep, shaky breath.
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. What had I just seen? That was not how I remember that night going, even in my intoxicated state. There was no way I had remembered things so incorrectly.
"What happened?" Draco asked again, this time with more urgency.
The truth serum seemed to have worn off, because I didn't feel compelled to answer his question immediately. I ran through the events again in my mind quickly, as if on fast forward, as I chewed on my bottom lip. I recalled now, what had really happened the night of Dean's party. Everything the memory had shown me, and--
"You Obliviated me?" I asked Draco disbelievingly.
"Just now? No, Adler, of course not," Draco lied, but it was weak.
"Yes, you did. You tried to Obliviate me just now, and you Obliviated me after Dean's party!" I accused, feeling anger boil up within me.
Draco's face paled as I exposed his secret. "How-how do you know about-"
"You fucked up the spell, you bloody idiot" I hissed. "You fucked it up, and it somehow made me remember everything from that night."
"Everything?" Draco repeated.
"Everything," I confirmed, nearly beside myself with lividity. "You did not have the fucking right to do that! My memories are mine ," I seethed.
"I did it to protect you."
"Bullshit!" I shouted, loud enough that Draco had the audacity to hush me. "You can't just change my memory like that! If you didn't want me to know you're fucking in love with me, you should've held your damn tongue."
Draco straightened. "I should've held my tongue? You confessed feelings too, or did you just want to ignore that part?"
"So what if I did?" I shot back. "At least I wasn't so fucking embarrased of them that I Obliviated you. Unlike you, I can actually face the consequences of my actions!"
"Don't you fucking talk to me like that!" Draco told me, towering over me as he spoke. "I have faced the consequences of everything I've done with you this year. You think I want to love you? You think I want to have feelings for you? Because I don't!"
I clenched my jaw, aching to get out of this chair and show Draco just how angry I was at him. "Like I want to feel this way either! Why the hell would I want to care for someone that fucking hates my guts?"
I didn't say love on purpose. I didn't need anything else to complicate this situation. Draco certainly didn't need the ego boost of having someone he tormented for so many years confess her love for him.
"I don't hate you, you daft asshole," Draco snarled. "I wish I did, though."
"Could've fucking fooled me," I said. "Let me out of this damn chair, now ."
Draco shook his head, even as I tugged on my restraints. "No. No, I'm not letting you out until you calm down and understand that I did that to protect you."
"Guess I'm dying here then, because I will never understand why you thought it was okay to violate me like that," I countered.
I did feel violated in an odd sort of way. He had taken my memories, my thoughts, which were supposed to mine and mine alone, and twisted them to save his stupid pride because I hadn't said it back right away.
I think I might've, if he had given me even a few more moments to think.