Alice Avery
I hadn't heard from Ricky in about a week. I figured after our talk or lack there of, I wouldn't hear from him. I decided that I'd try to talk to him tonight, just to try and clear the air and be civil. I had gotten Theo to give me the address and room number and by the time I got there I had no clue what I was going to say to him. Yet I swallowed my uncertainty and made my way up to his apartment.
I walked through the corridors of his apartment building until I found the desired room number. I banged a few knocks and waited patiently for him to answer. I heard a pair of quick footsteps to which an out of breath Ricky opened the door. My eyes slightly widened at the sight.
"What are you doing here?" He asks out in a barely noticeable panic.
"I just-"
I stopped my sentence when I say Candace appear behind Ricky with a thin grey sheet draped over her naked body. Now that's why he was out of breath.
I scoffed and let out a tiny laugh. "Well at least you did it in your own bed this time," I spoke and his lips parted.
I walked away from his surprised expression and left to head home. It wasn't like I was shocked, I've gotten used to Ricky's sexual desires and I've accepted them. My thoughts switched and I remembered Theo had a race tonight, I figured I'd attend to get out for the night. I didn't know when I'd be able to talk to Ricky, or if I'd be able to at all. Maybe I should just forget about the whole thing.
I began getting ready and wore a pair of black skinny jeans as well as a cropped black T-shirt. I tied a loose bandana around my neck and slipped on my black vans. Theo was up with Link tonight and since they're buddies it's not gonna be some huge competition, it didn't matter who won.
I pulled up to the race and met up with Razzle at the keg stand. "Hey hot stuff, I've been meaning to talk to you." He says and hands me a red solo cup filled with beer.
"What's up?"
"How does November 1st sound for your race with Trent?" He asks. The date was about 5 months away, I hadn't expected such a long timeline but I'd take it.
"Should be fine just run it over with Trent."
"Already have," he says. The race would take place about a month after Santa Monica. I really hope we'll pull through with the money.
A loud roar of engines filled my ear and Razzle and I headed over to Theo and Link's cars. I hadn't seen Ricky or Candace; figured they went for round two.
"Where's lover boy tonight?" Razzle asks referring to the devil himself.
"How should I know?" I shrug and take a sip from my cup.
He turns towards me and gives me a 'are you fucking kidding me look'. "The two of you have been attached at the hip for the past few weeks." He tells me.
"We hung out a few times, quite acting like he's my fucking boyfriend." I even surprised myself with the harsh tone I spoke in. Razzle looked at me like I was his kid who just gave him attitude. "Sorry," I muttered.
"You're all in your head these days y'know?"
"Yeah don't remind me," I sigh. I couldn't exactly put my finger on why, it couldn't all be because of Ricky. I watched as Theo and Link took off in their cars, my mind drifted back to my conversation with Link. He sure as hell sounded convincing, but even if it was complete lies, why would he want to know about the whole situation?
I left halfway through the race, wasn't exactly worth staying around for. I drove to the nearest liquor store and snagged a bottle of vodka off the shelf. I made my way to the check out and handed the cashier my I.D.
"That'll be $27.50."
"I've got it," I deep voice says from behind me. Ricky walked up from behind me and handed the cashier a few bills.
"Is it my birthday?"
"I owe you from the last time." The memory of out first encounter popped up in my head. I grabbed the bottle and muttered a quick 'thank you' and walked out the doors.
"Did you come from the race?" Ricky chases me and halts himself next to me.
"I did," I answer.
"How was it?" He asked and I stopped myself from walking any further.
"You tryin' make small talk with me?"
His hands find there way into his jacket pockets. "Maybe," he shrugs.
"No, no I think you're just trying to ignore the elephant in the room." I was in a terrible mood for no reason. I was being an ass towards him when he didn't deserve it.
He let out a deep sigh and jumped up on the trunk of his car. "Give it here," he reaches for the the alcohol in my hand to which I pass it to him. He cracked it open and took a long drink, I joined him and hopped onto the back of the car. He set the bottle down and keep his head low; just staring at the ground.
"I'm learning to trust you and I fucking hate it."
I forced myself to not have a reaction, I know he struggled to let that out.
"I've learned to trust you," I say and turn to look at him. "Believe me I don't like it either." It was like he flipped a swich in me that made me feel vulnerable, I didn't like feeling vulnerable and I knew he hated feeling that way too.
"I'm almost three years clean."
I soon found myself feeling guilty, I felt no sense of satisfaction like I thought I would, I just felt terrible. "You should be very proud of yourself." I say sternly.
"Sex usually keeps my mind off of it. That's why Candace was at my place earlier, I'm not proud of it." He admits quietly.
"Thank you for telling me, I know its hard and you don't owe me a single thi-"
"Stop talking," he interrupts me. "I- I rather just forget it, I hate talking about it."
"Right yes of course I'm sorry." I spit out in a panic, I feel like I'm walking on thin ice.
We sat in silence for several minutes, it was calming. As I thought, I refused to let myself think of Ricky differently. A part of me was still trying to catch up to the fact that he had opened up to me. It was an extremely foreign feeling, I had never even imagined he'd let me in.
I heard the flick of his lighter beside me and I watched as he lit the cigarette between his lips, he inhaled the blew out the smoke in a large cloud. He handed it to me and I gladly took it; it was like a routine. We continued our silence as we sat there comfortably. The moon hung high in the sky and it seemed to be so clear it was like you could see the stars every last detail.
"You alright," I ask him wearily; not wanting to be a pushover. The question meant a lot of things, I didn't know what he needed but I was a good listener around him.
"This is good," he spoke. "Just this, having you here, it's good."
My heart skipped a beat, I smiled as I took a swig of the vodka. We spoke no words as we enjoyed each other company, exchanging the two things we always seemed to share. I had soon become far over tipsy, I had a few drinks back at the apartment before the race. I jumped off the car and extended my hand out to Ricky and he just raised his eyebrows at me in questionable manner.
"Dance with me," I insisted.
He pursed his lips at me, "Have you met me?"
"I have, but I'm drunk and funny so you have to dance with me."
"That's the silliest excuse I've ever heard." He says and stayed seated on the the car.
"Dance with me," I demanded once again. He rolls his eyes but hops onto his feet. I set my phone on the car and began playing some music.
I took his hand in mine as his arm snaked around my waist, my arm draped over his neck. We slowly rocked to the beat of the song, just dancing the the middle on the empty liquor store parking lot. I felt like I was floating, our cigarette was still held between my fingers and I took another drag.
"I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust"
I adored the way he held me, I wasn't exactly sure if it was just the booze talking or if I actually felt that way. I knew I'd never know.
"You're really beautiful y'know that?" I told him, my grin was on full display.
He smiled at me, "Someone's a flirty drunk."
"Mhmm, what are you gonna do about it?" I tease as he takes the cigarette from me. He took one last drag from it before flicking it to the ground. His eyes sparkled as I looked into them. I felt captured by him, his hand hooked under my red bandana and he pulled me closer; his lips brushed gently against mine.
"I wanna be yours." He whispered the lyrics of the song to me just before his lips found mine. Ricky's hand clung to the base of my neck, I pulled him closer with my arms wrapped around his back.
Our lips were made for one another, I was sure of it. He then cupped my face with both of his hands then pulled away. He stared at me longingly and muttered something I was unable to hear. He pulled me back to him, my lips on his with no room between us. This was a place I never wished to escape from, whatever reality it was, I never wished to escape.
A/N
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