𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 || ᶠᵘˡˡ ᵒᶠ ˢʰⁱᵗᵉᵘˢ~

...

Not a tag.

You may skip this chapter, I am just writing this in someone's memory. Its her birthday today. So this person used to be @min_suga_sunshine24

Hey, mistress;) its me, your cherry pie
(I remember I used to write to you like this only, right?)

What did I do?

Do you know how much your jelly misses you? I know you probably hate me now.
I know you're not here anymore but still.......Y'know I can't believe this happened, my stupid self can't process things anymore. Today is January 2, your birthday, I wish I could wish you in person and say all this to you. But still, a very happy birthday to you. I miss you.

Y'know, as I had told you that you were a precious person to me. I'll tell the reason too, which I never did earlier.

People here are so fake. Like so much. I have realized it now. Even some of the people who are in my bio are fake, they know it themselves too. But now I know it too. They just show that they love me but they don't, who does? You know I never got a feeling that you were fake. Trust me, I have never seen a person like you. Those two months mean a lot to me, I learnt so much.

It all started after I followed you and then you tagged me and then you commented on my tag and then the stupid me flirted with you and you seemed to like it- and we became friends.

I may sound like a lovesick person here, or a person who has lost their everyone or everything. I didn't love you. I loved your soul. It somehow atracted me, even I am shocked that how much I got attracted to you. I liked to chat with you. You were there to listen to me, my rants, useless shit. I just realized that I wasted your precious time so much. No one is here now. Everyone is so mean. They all hurted me in some or the other way, you never did. (Exceptions are still there)

I mean, nobody except a few people even want me to be around. I can't really believe things, everything happened so fast. I can't process if you left me, or I lost you....

I truly understand your problems and challenges in your life. I sound mean now, I know. I just needed a person so supportive like you.

I know I may sound so bad rn, but I need to do this. Y'know I hate some fruits now? Because they remind me of you..*sigh*

I seriously hate it when someone calls me, jelly, flower, apple, sugar coated jelly bean, pumpkin, cherry.......and some more. It hurts me so bad.

The rain fairy suddenly changed to the love fairy.... I don't know why did I do this....

And, I found a soulmate. I don't know how I find good people unintentionally and then I mess up things and make them go away. I hope I don't do something to her so she leaves me too, like you did. She's got a sensitive heart too..
It just makes me cry so bad... idek why. But I know one day I'll be over this and I'll forget you.

Btw would you not teach me a lesson? I'm getting skinny...

You remember the copycat I told you about? She pissed me that badly that I had to take a hiatus...

"Smoke signals" always made me cry. Since the day you said it reminds you of me, it hasn't always done any good. I wanted to sing it for you today. I learnt the lower pitch for you. I hope you were there to listen to me.

I still have our memories, all of them, your pictures, (I accidentally deleted one of the pictures) your poems, our chats.. Instead of smiling, as you said, I dunno why am I crying everytime after anything reminds me of you. I know you may have deleted all our memories and might have erased everything from your mind, I am unable to.

That one day, Hara asked me that why don't I laugh (blush) the whole time, while lying on my bed. I really didn't know how to react, somehow I controlled my tears from falling in front of her.

You were the first (online) person with which I shared my handwriting and my drawing, my voice too....

Also, my recordings. I'm deeply sorry for you had to listen to my shitty songs, but I hope you get the meaning behind those. A hidden meaning I wanted you to discover about me suddenly recording "FILTER" for you. Do you remember I told you that I was gonna record "Serendipity" and then I changed it to "Filter". I did it because
I wanted to tell you that I would change/mould myself for you. In any form you wanted. So that I could be atleast a good or a loyal person (enough to deserve you) and not lose you. I wanted you to choose the "me" that you wanted to see. Thats it. I just hope that maybe you understood that.

You know why I got jealous so easily over you? Its actually because I didn't want to lose you. Jealousy isn't what I always do with people. This may not make sense but yes, I wanted some of your attention to me, because I needed someone for support. Someone like you, to be precise. Idk how am I so sensitive in these matters. Anyone can hurt me. I know I need to change that, I am trying. I just give the key to my happiness to other people.

This was for me right? I know.... 

(Sorry for stealing this from your book Nami-)
Why did you even leave me then? Nevermind, I'm being too greedy. I'd just do anything to find a person like you. You were the ideal chat friend I ever found.

I wish you didn't delete your account. atleast, just incase I ever wanted to visit it. I had earlier seen that you had deleted "our" conversations from your mb, to be honest, it broke my heart. Then I realized that it may be because of the problem you told me about. I didn't expect you going away so soon, though I got a feeling earlier that you were going to leave me...

I loved the fact that (probably) I was the first person you chatted with when you woke up. Idk how the tables turned so fast, everything ended so fast. Atleast I wanted to spend a whole year of our friendship, it wasn't in my fate...

Idk, all I do is cry nowadays. I feel like I would disappear any moment. I want to curl into a ball and die.... just living because of promises and Hara....There are a lot of problems going on. If a person like you was with me at such a time, (maybe) I would have felt better.

I hate you so much for making me feel special and then making me feel so miserable..

You could have told me the reason earlier if you didn't want to continue this, why just why?I know for sure that its me who messed up. If you told this to me, I'd have gladly accepted it. I got a feeling that we're about to lose contact but Hana the emotional fool is so stupid that she couldn't accept it.

I miss talking and spending time with a pure person like you.
I miss you harassing me *chuckes*
I miss you teasing me.
I miss you encouraging me.
I miss you praising me for no apparent reason, I know you did it for me so I never give up.
I miss those nicknames you gave me.
I miss our cute fights.
I miss how you were a pure and an honest person.
I miss you getting jealous because of Satan *sobs*
I miss some punishments.
I miss those virtual kisses and hugs.
I miss how you used to care for me, about if I ate or not.
I miss burning myself *chuckles*
I miss your spams. Nobody spams me like you did.
I miss how we used to spend the whole day with each other, chatting all day.
I miss you making me feel that I was atleast respected and loved.
I miss everything.

I have like, sweared upon something that I would try not to befriend people here. It has always hurted me. Everything, everyone. There's no other person like you here. You were an ideal chat friend I had wanted in my life. I got that, and then you know what happened...

But I still do... I promise to not believe in them that they'll make me happy and stuff, I'll never trust them like I trusted you.

Idk if we would ever be able to talk again and by any chance you'd see this. I'd not really want it or I'd just leave the world. But yeah there's one thing for sure, I would never forget you, you made me a little more strong, little more mature.

I used to be a comparatively happy person when I was with you. Nobody, even Sana, makes me feel like you did. I am sorry, everyone.... and yes you were correct, promises do hurt..

There was one point where I was willing to leave EVERYONE for you.. idk just... I know I'm stupid.

And make sure to tell your grandchildren about the jelly who ate you *chuckles*

I think this is all, I should stop writing anymore... I want to write more, but no cause I'm gonna sound like a widow then... so I'd stop it here.

From me, to you, Va~
(I won't reveal your name here..)

I actually came here to become a successful writer, and instead I am getting involved in people.... I wish the best for you and your future. I hope all problems are gone now. *sigh*
I love you.

If anyone read this. Then you probably wasted your time. I feel miserable, so I let it all here. Please don't criticize me. I know I sound lovesick. Trust me I'm not a person like this. I just ain't thinking straight....

I'm lowkey thankful to you though if you read it. Have a great day, everyone..