I walked to the kitchen and showed Tammy where I stored the marked bags of frozen breast milk. "This is where I keep 'er milk. She eats fruits and veggies real well, but she likes a bottle before bed and if she ain't feelin' well." I grabbed a bag and an ice pack and handed the milk to Tammy. "She's been pretty healthy since gettin' over 'er cold, but just in case, ya know?" Tammy nodded and followed me up the stairs.
"Ever think about weanin' 'er off the milk completely?" Tammy asked.
"If she's gettin' fed, why bother?"
"Well, the constant pumping has gotta be tiresome, ain't it?"
"Sometimes, but I like the bondin'," I smiled. "To be honest, she's been weanin' herself off it. She used to want a bottle four times a day; she'll quit when she's ready."
"You've got a beautiful little girl, smart, too."
"Thanks."
"I can only imagine how Joseph would've turned out." I stopped half way up the stairs and thought for a moment...how would have he turned out? Smart, most likely. Handsome, funny. Only one thing I knew for certain, if he would've lived...
"He would've been like his father, a big pain in my ass." Tammy instantly smiled and resumed following me up the stairs. When we got to my room, Daryl was sitting on the bed with Harper. We locked eyes and it was like he was shooting daggers at me, filling the room with a thick tension. "Tammy's watchin' Harper for the night."
"Mmm." Daryl grunted. I walked over to Harper and lifted her into my arms.
"Hey, baby girl," I cooed. "Wanna go stay the night with Tammy?" Harper's smile widened as she squirmed with excitement. "Can ya get 'er bag from the closet, please?" Tammy walked over to the closet and pulled out a small bag. She motioned towards the dresser, earning a nod from me, and began to pack some diapers, washcloths, and clothes. I walked over to her crib and grabbed her favorite stuffed animal, her Grimbly Gunk, and handed it to 'er. Harper gripped it tight in her hand and smiled. I kissed Harper on the head and passed her to Tammy. "Thanks again, Tammy."
"Anytime," Tammy happily smiled. "Come on, Harper, we're gonna have some fun." Once Tammy left the room, I gently shut the door behind her.
"She loves watchin' the kids, especially after she lost Ken." Daryl didn't respond, but rather just stood up and made his way over to the dresser. "What are ya doin'?" Daryl, again, didn't respond and began to grab his clothes. "Where are ya goin'?"
"I'm leavin'," Daryl grumbled.
"Daryl—"
"Don't act so upset, you're the one who made the fuckin' decision."
"I didn't make the decision, I gave ya an option, Daryl, I didn't choose shit." Daryl instantly scoffed and began to toss his clothes in a bag. "Daryl Issac Dixon, stop right now and fuckin' listen to me!" Daryl's eyebrows furrowed as he turned to me.
"And what if I don't? The way I see it, I'm gonna get yelled at regardless of what I do."
"I just want ya to sit so we can talk about this, Daryl."
"Talk about what? Ain't nothin' to talk about."
"There's plenty to talk about," I sighed. "Can we please just talk about this, Daryl?"
"What do ya want, Michaela?" I held out the ice pack to Daryl and apologetically smiled.
"To help, for starters. MJ said the handprint was the size of Texas...he wasn't wrong." Daryl didn't respond. "I'm sorry I hit ya, I never should've laid a hand on ya." Reluctantly, Daryl took the ice pack and sat on the bed, resting the ice pack against his cheek. I slowly walked over to the bed and sat beside him, Daryl didn't move. "I love you, Daryl."
"Psh," Daryl rolled his eyes.
"I really do, which is why I wanna work this out...I don't wanna lose ya." Daryl fell silent. "I try to talk to ya, but half the time I talk it's yellin'." Daryl opened his mouth to speak. "I'm not pointin' fingers, I'm just statin' the fact. We barely talk and when we do, we're usually arguin' over stupid shit. I always tell myself how I wished you'd treat me with the dignity I deserve, but I finally realized that I ain't been treatin' ya with the dignity you deserve...and I'm sorry...ya deserved better and ya still do." The room fell silent for a moment.
"So, what are we gonna do?" Daryl asked.
"I'm gonna sit here and listen to ya. I need ya to tell me everythin' ya hate about our relationship, no matter how bad it makes ya sound. I won't argue, I won't speak until you're done. When you're done, I'll do the same. We get everythin' out on the table and deal with our problems...I just wanna know what's goin' on in that head of yours." Daryl nodded and sat the ice pack down.
"I hate ya got pregnant with Negan's baby," I didn't say a word, just nodded with understanding. "I get why ya slept with 'em, and I'm not mad about that...but havin' his baby? It killed me...especially when ya wanted 'em to be involved in not only Joseph's life, but Harper's, too." I nodded once more. "I hate that we don't talk anymore like we used to. Ya used to be able to tell me anythin'. Fuck, ya didn't want to keep it a secret when Abraham kissed ya when he was drunk, what's different now?" I didn't respond.
"I hate that ya hardly touch me anymore," Daryl continued. "I try to do things with ya, but ya cringe away like I'm a fuckin' walker. I hate how ya constantly put yourself in danger, I hate that ya volunteer to do everythin', and I hate how you're the one to turn to when it comes to takin' care of Negan...but what I hate most is how ya fought to keep 'em alive. After everythin' he's done to us, to you, ya fought to keep 'em around, made me agree to lettin' 'em be involved in my kid's life. It ain't right, Michaela. It ain't fair to force me to have some sort of relationship wit 'em just because ya can't end yours."
I sat in silence, taking everything in...have I really been that bad to Daryl? My heart broke. I never meant for things to get this bad...I never meant for any of this to go bad, period. "Ya done?"
"Yeah," Daryl sighed, rubbing the exhaustion from his face. "I think that's it."
"Okay, I guess it's my turn." Daryl nodded. "Daryl, I know that me bein' pregnant wasn't easy on anyone, especially you. And bein' pregnant with Joseph...I knew it'd be a hard pill to swallow, especially for you, but I can honestly promise ya that I had no intentions of gettin' pregnant while already pregnant," I tried to smile, but Daryl's face remained still like a statue. "You're right, though. At first, I slept with 'em because of you. Simon put it in my head that if I didn't hold up my end of the marriage, he'd divorce me and go back to Alexandria to finish the job...and it made sense, so I believed 'em. I hated it, every minute of it. It didn't become pleasurable until I thought y'all exhaled me, turned your backs on me. And I wanted 'em to be involved because he grew attached to 'em and because I knew he'd make a great father. I knew ya would, too, and ya are a great father...but when Joseph died, I lost it."
"Lost it?" Daryl softly spoke. I looked over at him with sadness looming in my eyes.
"I saw Merle. I guess it was my brain tryin' to accept his death. Merle told me that he was goin' to a better place and that he'd take care of 'em. It helped me accept his death, but it didn't do anythin' to help the heartbreak. I guess I neglected my marriage durin' all this. You were so supportive through it all, but I came out of it bitter and reclusive..and that ain't fair to you, Daryl. I wanted to let Negan be a part of Harper's life still because it felt...wrong, like his chance to be the father he always dreamed of bein' was ripped out from underneath 'em...it kinda was.
Merle told me that the only way we could make this marriage work was to cut all ties with Negan, and I did that; Negan and I have barely spoken since he was imprisoned. Hell, I just got done rippin' 'em a new one before I came home. If that don't show how over it it, I dunno what does." Daryl averted his eyes to the floor. "I haven't slept with ya as much as we used to, and I know that sucks, but I can't control it. Sometimes I'm in the mood, sometimes I'm not. My libido has been a horrible rollercoaster ride with more downs than ups. I talked to Siddiq about it, thinkin' it was just somethin' that happens after givin' birth, but he thinks just me mentally recoverin' from the trauma and swears it'll get better.
I volunteered in the past because I wanted to earn my keep and show people how dependable I was, but lately...I've been keepin' busy to prove to people that I had changed...I guess I was tryin' too hard. But hard work is all I know, lately. If I slow down just once, I get people on my ass callin' me lazy. Sometimes that work puts me in danger, but in the back of my mind, I'd still rather it be me who's in danger than anyone else." The room fell silent.
"Why don't ya talk to me about these things?"
"Because I'm scared, Daryl. I'm scared about how you'll react, scared that it'll cause another fight."
"I'm sorry."
"Me, too." I nodded.
"So...what do ya hate about us?"
"I hate how ya jump my case about everythin'."
"I don't—" Daryl looked at me and fell silent, allowing me to continue.
"If I'm left alone with anyone, I get accused of cheatin' on ya. I get why you're nervous about it, and it kills me knowin' that I've put that doubt in your in your head, but I haven't been with anyone since leavin' Negan other than that needed-to-be-done moment with Harlow. And Brian? I was mortified when ya accused me of sleepin' with 'em, Daryl. After I said that all I could see was The Governor when I looked at 'em, I thought ya would've caught on about who he is."
"Who is he?"
"Brian Blake, The Governor's brother."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, it's like all this shit done shook my family members out of the cracks."
"And ya didn't want 'em to stay?"
"I can't even look at 'em Daryl, not without seein' Philip." I sighed. "I didn't tell ya because I wanted to leave the house first. My business isn't Negan's to know, not anymore."
"Ya mean that?"
"Absolutely, Daryl...I chose you." Daryl let out an audible sigh.
"I'm a dick."
"Maybe...but at least you're a big dick." Daryl smirked and gently nudged me with his elbow. "That's the thing, Daryl, you're a dick and I'm an asshole. Sometimes they go perfectly together, but sometimes...the asshole just closes up."
"This is a really weird way to describe us."
"You're right," I chuckled. "But ya get what I mean."
"Ya sayin' that we might not be right for each other?"
"No, I know you're who I wanna be with, Daryl. Just sometimes I get so overwhelmed with everythin' that's goin' on that I close up. I don't mean to, but I'm just so fuckin' stressed. Between the arguin' between the Saviors and our people, losin' Joseph, bein' put on work release for two murders, one I still claim my innocence on...if one more thing fuckin' happens, I think I might snap for good." Slowly, Daryl wrapped his arm around me and held me, letting me cry into his chest. "I'm so sorry, Daryl."
"It's okay...it's okay." Daryl softly spoke. "I'm sorry I accused ya of anythin', I've just got a lot on my mind."
"Like what?" Daryl paused for a moment before letting out a sigh.
"I don't wanna stress ya out anymore than ya already are."
"Daryl—"
"Just know that shit's changin', Michaela. Everythin' around us changin', but it'll all get better soon." I slowly sat up and looked Daryl in the eyes.
"Is there anythin' ya need to tell me?"
"Like what?"
"Anythin'." Daryl's eyes softened, as if he was fighting himself. He wanted to tell me something so badly, I could see it in his eyes. Daryl gently brushed my hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek in his rough hand.
"I love you." Daryl said instead. I had to accept it, Daryl had his secrets, but so did I. Would what I new be enough? I softly smiled. It would be enough...it is enough.
"I love you, too." I gently kissed Daryl's lips and began to pull away, but stopped as a foreign, and yet familiar heat nestled between my legs.
"What? What is it?"
"Nothin'," I smiled and kissed him once more, deepening the kiss. Daryl quickly caught on and placed his hands on my sides, pulling me closer to him until I was straddling his lap. Slowly, Daryl pulled away and looked me in the eyes.
"Ya sure?" I gently nodded and Daryl kissed me again. I slowly pried his vest and shirt off and tossed them to the side. Daryl's lips hungrily trailed from my lips, down my jaw and stopped at my neck. His teeth grazed against my skin. He gently nipped at my flesh, sending chills down my spine as he slowly unbuttoned the front of my shirt, exposing my milk-engorged breasts. Daryl began to unhook my bra.
"Don't," I protested as I backed away. "They're sensitive." Daryl gave me a mischievous smile.
"I like sensitive."
"I mean that one wrong touch and it gets...well, messy."
"I'll be careful." Daryl rested his forehead against mine and kissed me once more as he slowly unhooked my bra and tossed it to the ground. His eyes looked at me like I was a piece of meat and he hadn't eaten in days. His hands slowly trailed up my sides and gently caressed my breasts, causing a euphoric gasp to escape my lips. I could feel him growing underneath me, begging to be closer.
I watched as Daryl slowly pulled away and took my stumped arm into his hands. He slowly unstrapped my prosthetic and carefully pulled it off and dropped it to the floor. His fingers gently trailed up my arm and pulled off the protective sock and pulled it off. He took my stump into his hands and slowly ran his fingers down it, slowly tracing the scars where the stitches once were. His touch was so gentle, as if I were made of porcelain.
"It doesn't bother ya, does it?" Daryl glanced back at me and gently kissed my stump.
"No, babe," Daryl softly spoke. "It don't bother me." Daryl slowly laid me down onto my back and crawled on top of me, kissing me from my pelvis up to my sternum before replacing his lips onto mine. His tongue slowly trailed along my bottom lip, and when I let out a quiet whimper, his tongue slipped between my parted lips. Our tongues danced together as he groaned. My fingers ran through his long disheveled hair as my stumped arm rested against his side. His hands slowly lowered my jeans and underwear, letting me kick them off along with my shoes and socks.
I slowly rolled Daryl onto his back and worked, as fast as my one hand would let me, unbuckle his belt and lower his jeans and boxers, which Daryl kicked off the edge of the bed, his boots making a loud thud as they hit the wooden floor. Daryl's erection made my opening ache with longing. Daryl looked into my eyes and nodded before leaning over and retrieving a condom from the bedside table. He tore the package open for me and handed it to me, allowing me to slowly roll it down his hard shaft. Once on, I slowly eased myself down onto him.
Daryl groaned with pleasure as my entire body shuddered. I slowly began rocking my hips, my sensitive nub grinding against his pubic bone. My eyes closed as I concentrated on my own pleasure. Daryl's hands roughly gripped my ass and guided me to his desired speed. "God, yes,'" I moaned as his cock repeatedly struck my g-spot. I picked up my own speed, allowing Daryl's hands to explore the rest of my body. His hands gently rested on my hips before slowly trailing up my sides, stopping at my breasts. "Daryl..." I warned, but Daryl remained gentle, allowing his thumbs to gently brush against my hardened nipples with every movement I made. Each little strike against them sent my nerve endings into a frenzy, bringing me closer and closer to my orgasm.
Without warning, Daryl quickly wrapped his arms around me and pinned me down onto my back. One hand lifted my leg over his shoulder while his other hand had a death grip on the headboard as Daryl slammed his cock inside me. His eyes clamped shut as he bit down on his bottom lip. His breathing was ragged and an intermittent throaty growl escaped him as he neared his own orgasm. I was so close. My orgasm felt like flood waters behind a dam, weakening in strength as more and more pressure built up behind it.
"Daryl," I whimpered. "Daryl, I'm gonna—"
"I know," Daryl grunted. After a few more thrusts, Daryl released the bed frame and collapsed on top of me, gripping my hair tight. My walls clamped down on his pulsating member, unleashing my intense orgasm as Daryl haphazardly thrusted into me, blowing his load inside me as he groaned in my ear.
"Fuckin' Christ," I panted, my throat dry from my loud cries of pleasure.
"Sorry," Daryl muttered.
"Why are ya sorry? Daryl, that was amazin'."
"I didn't last that long."
"Neither did I," I giggled. Daryl leaned on his forearm and looked at me as I brushed his sweaty hair out of his face. "It was great, Daryl. As for how long we lasted, we ain't done shit in months, so I knew it'd be quick." I gently caressed his cheek in my hand and smiled. "We'll get there, Daryl. I love you."
"I love you, too." Daryl leaned down and gently kissed me one last time before rolling off me. He removed his condom, stood up and walked across the room to turn out the light. The room filled with moonlight as Daryl crawled back into bed with me, covering me with our thick comforter. He laid on his side and pulled me against him, nuzzling his face into the crook of my neck as we slowly drifted to sleep.