Percy
Haze is all I have at the moment. I have bits and pieces of memories but it is mostly a haze. I can feel the blood of so many innocent people stain my hands. I can smell it too. I see their dead unblinking eyes staring at nothing. I feel the tug of my sword being pulled out of their chest. All I remember is death and destruction caused by my own hands. I tell myself 'hydra did this to them not me' but that doesn't erase the screams of the victims as I slowly killed them. It doesn't wash the blood from my hands. It will never remove the fact that I Perseus Jackson killed innocent people without batting an eye. Without fail I killed. It will never change the fact that I am a monster who should have died long ago. One life for hundreds would have been more than fair. If my one life saved even one of those who I killed I would give it. My heart beat to one innocent life would be worth it.
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"Bucky?"
"Steve" my voice still crackles from lack of use. "What do you need? Come to tell me I'm disgusting because I love you? Oh wait or are you here to parrot Tony and tell me I'm a monster. If either is the case save it I already know." Steve looks bewildered at my words.
"I wasn't going to say either of those things I was going to ask if you would like to come and eat dinner with the rest of us."
"Oh um I'll pass, don't want to make Tony uncomfortable. I mean I am the one who killed his family. It's strange I can remember them but none of the others. I mean I know I did it and I would trade my life to get theirs back but I only really remember Tony's parents. Why?" Tears stream down my face. Tears of guilt and remorse. "Steve, I should have died that day. I wanted to die that day. I tried to die that day. Why couldn't the fucking fates let me die that day!" I've curled in on myself and I'm shaking. I can feel the sting of my attempt. "I tried to end it and they fucking knew how to heal me no one knows so how did they find out" Steve gently pulls me into a hug I stiffen at first but then relax. I quickly fell asleep in his arms.