Tu kab itni ahem bangayi meri zindagi mein,
Teri har cheez yun iss tarah asar karti hai.
Dil mein itna dard jagati hai teri batein,
Kya tujhe malum nahi,
Tu iss dil mein basar karti hai?
Sid closes his eyes, sitting on that bench near the old burnt warehouses. He speaks aloud,"Baba.. Why?.. Why people don't get you? Why?" He lowers his head, resting it on his hands,"Why people close to you hurt you the most? First Shini and now Sana. Why? Please talk to me. Please.." His eyes are now filled with water,"Do you think I am over reacting? I know she wants to buy things for me. I know it is her right and I am okay with it. I have never taken anything from anyone but she is my wife, so I did accept from her. However it's so expensive. I just wanted to explain it to her not to spend so much on me.." He looks at the vast sea ahead of him. His present state of mind is like the sea ahead, it is roaring but it's filled with unending darkness. He says,"I am not built for her world. I am adjusting you know that. But the way she spoke to me today..it is hurting." He whispers,"For the first time in life, I fell in love. Inspite of everything I faced, I loved her. Only because I knew she was different. I thought she understood me just like you did. But I was wrong, I am wrong. She is ashamed of me. She is ashamed of my status, my job everything is low for her. She wants me to be like her friends. I can never become like them. Never. I don't know what I should do.. Help me please."
Sid:Baby I can't wear this. It is too expensive. You know..
Sana: Bebu I know you don't like to spend money on yourself. But please don't say anything today.
Sid: Is it compulsory to wear blazers at the premiere? I can just wear any shirt of mine.
Sana: No it is not compulsory. But I want you to wear this.
Sid: Let us go to some other store then. It is very expensive. I can't afford them, you know that.
Sana: Let me handle that.
Sid:I can't let you spend so much on me, on things like clothes.
Sana: Baby, please for one day, don't stop me. Please wear what I am buying for you.
Sid: I wore the Kurta and Shirt you got me but this is too much.
Sana: This is a very important day for me. I won't spend any big amount on you in future but don't say no today. Tumhe meri kasam don't say anything more..
Sid: You and your kasam. Fine. But remember no more expensive clothes for me in future.
Sana: Okay but you can't stop me from buying things for you. Mere haq hai tumpe.(She giggles)
Sidharth I need to confess something. Promise tum gussa nahi karoge.
Sid: No.(hugging her)
Sana:I was cleaning the shelves and I might have read your diary. I didn't intend to but it was a mistake. I am sorry. Please gussa nahi ho toh..
Sid: Might have or you have read it?
Sana: (closing one eye) I have..
Sid:You shouldn't have read it. It's wrong. But I have promised you so it's okay.. don't do it again.
Sana: Never.. I love you my handsome shayer..
Sid:I ..
Sid wakes up suddenly feeling a touch of hand on his head. His mother is running her hand, smiling at him. He sits up on the sofa that he had been sleeping on after returning last night. He realises, he was dreaming everything. He finds a blanket over him. Sumitraji says,"Sana must have put this on you. She was awake, waiting for you all night. Why do you always leave the home when you get angry? Kahan jata hai tu?" Sid does not answer to her questions. She sits beside him and caressing his head,"Jhagda hua hai na. You want to talk about it." Sid is still quiet as she continues,"I know Sid, you were close to your father. He was your friend with whom you shared everything. But bache you can talk to me also." Sid rubs his temples and says,"There is nothing to say Maa. I understood my place in this world. The reality of this society is money and status is above any relationship. It is far more important than love." Sumitraji says,"It's not true bacha. I don't know what has happened between you two but I know you both love each other. It is common for couples to argue, to misunderstand things. Talk and sort it out."
Sana opens her eyes to find Sid in the room. She gets out of the bed and comes near him. He is putting all his journals inside a bag. Sana holds his arm and says,"What are you doing? Why are you putting the diaries inside the bag?" No reply comes from him. "Sidharth trust me, I had read just two pages from your journal. I am sorry please don't do this.", she says. But Sid still does not say anything in return. He closes the bag and puts it on the floor. He goes to the wardrobe to take out his clothes. Sana goes after him and says,"Itna gussa, itna attitude? I said na sorry ab kya karun marjaun?" When she still does not get any response from him, she grabs his t-shirt and says,"Kuch jyada nahi ho raha hai? I am your wife. Can't I have the right of reading your personal diary? Why?" Sid removes her hand from his t-shirt,"How will you feel if someone will sit and listen to your personal talks with your sister or me? Not good na. Breach of privacy right. These are not just journals, these are my conversation with my father. My way of speaking to him. So no, you are not allowed to read them and it doesn't matter if you are my legally wedded wife."
Sana tries to hug Sid as he comes out after a shower,"I am sorry for it. I mean it. Please maaf kardo." Sid stopping her by holding her arms says,"Please mam, stop these dramas of yours. I don't have the status to get your apologies. Kindly keep them for all those sophicatated, high society, civilised people." Sana looks at him and says,"Mam? Phir se mam? Bebu sorry. Yaar main sirf chahti thi tum blazers pehno. Sorry bolana..You also said such a big thing. You want me to leave you. I should be angry here but.." Sid keeps busy brushing his hair, avoiding her. Sana still holds his arm and says,"Sidharth please talk to me. Why are you not talking to me? You shout at me but just talk. Tumhe kasam lage meri." Sid takes a deep breath and says,"What is there to talk Sana? I get it that you want me to wear expensive clothes just to make me fit into your world. And the matter of fact is I..I can never fit there. No matter how much you try I can't be a part of your high society. You are a star, a huge celebrity and I am just a simple middle class man working two jobs. These thing cannot be changed."
Sana looks at him and says,"I am not trying to fit you into my world or change you. But yes I want you to be with me there. What is wrong in getting clothes for you that are costly?" Sid looking at her and says,"Nothing is wrong here. I don't feel comfortable spending money on me and you know that very well." "Please don't start it again. It's my money and I want to spend it on my husband. I want people to see you and admire like that day." Sid smiles and shakes his head,"Exactly. The problem lies here. You don't want to buy things just for me, but you are doing this to show everyone. You want world to see and admire me.Do you really know why? Actually you want to show off in front of your people. You want to show your friends that look my husband is not a middle-class guy. He is not a manager at a restaurant. He is poet, a Gym instructor. He wears clothes like us, looks good in them. Isn't it?"
Sana stays quiet as he continues,"Accept Sana you are ashamed of me, of what I do, of the background I come from." "No Sidharth it is not like that. Trust .."she tries to say. Interrupting her, Sid says,"Trust? Should I really trust you? Sana, I didn't go to you asking your hand for marriage. You read my diary right. So you know what I wrote. I know my place, I always knew it. I knew I could never have you, my crush. I knew the difference in our background. You wanted to marry me knowing my conditions." "I love you Sana. I truely do. But it's hurting what you did, what you are still doing.. And regarding what I said about leaving me, I don't want it. I never asked you to leave nor I ever want that. I said if you have problems with me, you can leave. It is and will be your decision entirely. If you still felt bad, I am extremely sorry for that." He leaves after saying that.
Sidharth is in the restaurant when a staff tells him that a man on the table is asking for him. He goes to that table to find an middle aged man in a light blue shirt. He has standard stature with salt and pepper hair and wears a golden rimmed spectacle. He is with another man, younger than him, wearing a loose shirt with an open jacket and a thick rimmed glasses. His salt and pepper hair has been trimmed from the sides and he has full beard and moustache. Sidharth goes and with a warm smile asks,"Yes sir. What can I do? Did you enjoy the food?" The older man says,"Sidharth, I think you probably don't remember us. Can you sit down for a few minutes? We need to talk to you." Sidharth unable to understand,"I am extremely sorry sir but I can't sit with you now. It's my duty hours. Please tell me what do you want from me?" The younger of them says,"I am director Abhisek Chauhan and he is Subhash Chowdhry,Producer. We met at Shahir Khan's house. Sana had intorduced us to you."
Sidharth nods his head waiting for them to say their purpose of visting him there. He continues,"Actually we wanted to talk to you and Sana told us you will be here." Sidharth asks,"What do you want from me?" The older man smiles and says,"We are making a new movie, an off beat one. Well basically we want you to be the lead in the movie." Sidharth is pissed off with these offers. He says,"I am really sorry but you see I am not an actor." The director Abhisek Chauhan smiles and says,"We know but you see, your look matches the character. I had discussed with Sana and she loved the script. Just think about. Read the script and then give us a call." They get up from the chair and the older man extends his hand to give him his card.
Sid knocks the door of the RV and enters. Sana's face brightens up finding him there. He had stopped picking her up or dropping her since the fight. Finding him in front of her was a sign that he had forgotten things. Sid asks Tarun to give him a minute and he leaves. Sana goes and hugs him saying,"I knew you won't stay angry any longer. You came to pick me up." Sid breaks the hug and says,"No. I didn't come to pick you. You shouldn't travel in that old bike." "Why Sidharth? Why you are hurting me like this? You remember what I said that day but you forgot everything else that I had told you.", says Sana. With a smirk Sid says,"Sana might have a car but Sidharth has bike and you are Sidharth's wife. No I didn't forget, I remember everything. That statement of yours had made me fall for you. But perhaps you were acting then because today I am unable to recognise you. I don't understand who is the real Sana?"
Sana holds his collar,"What have I done? Why you are saying all these?" Sid removes her hand from his collar and says,"Why are you so adamant in bringing me into your world? Why are you asking people to take me in movies when I have clearly told you I won't." Sana thinking for sometime says,"Are you talking about Abhisek Chauhan and Subhash Chowdhry? I didn't ask anything..They came to me with the script and I .." "You told them yes.",interrupts Sid. Sana tries to say,"I liked the story. It is really good. You must think.."
"Sana stop. Please enough of your madness. I am tired Sana. Tired trying to make you understand everything. I am really tired...", he says and storms out of the RV.
"I have turned down Subhashji offer for you. He still want you to think about it.", says Sana looking at Sid who is sitting on the desk writing something. Finding no answers from him, she says,"Fine. I will tell him. You won't act." Sid closes the diary and puts it inside the drawer. Sana says,"There are many more offers coming for you." Sid shots him a angry stare and Sana bites her lips. She says,"I know you don't want to hear but still. These are for writing lyrics for movies. You write poems, you can give them something to make songs." Sid gets up and lies down on the bed to sleep switching off the light. He turn to his side not willing to talk to her. Sana whispers,"Okay. I will never bring to you any offers from the industry. I promise. But tum kal chaloge toh? Please don't leave me alone on this day. This is a very important movie. I want you to see it for me, with me for the first time. I am stupid, gadhi like you say. I am not ashamed of you or your job or anything. Trust me. Just don't ditch me in front of the people..."
Sana waits in her car outside the theatre where her movie premiere is held. She is waiting for Sid to join her. She had reminded him in the morning before he left for his work. Maa, Shini and Jaanvi had called him several times to ask him to join them. But he had instead told them to leave as he would join later. Shini and Sumitraji are already sitting inside. Rohan has been calling her requesting her to step down from her car. They need to make an entrance together. But Sana is adamant that she will not go unless Sid is with her. She is in tears but she is trying her best not to cry, she doesn't want to spoil hee makeup. There is knock at her window. She rolls it down to find Rohan and Jaanvi standing. She opens her door and says,"You both go. Tell everyone that I am sick. Hmm.. tell them I have fever, no infectious flu.. I am not going. Why Jaanvi? Why did he ditch me like this?..why?" The last question was almost in an inaudible voice. Jaanvi says,"Scoot..c'mon let me in." Sana with misty eyes slides to her side allowing Jaanvi to sit. "You know Sid needs time to cool down when he is angry. Listen don't spoil your mood and your day for him. May be he will join you later. May be.." Sana shaking her head says,"No he won't join us, I know. He is not..talking to me..I said sorry..so many times.." Jaanvi hugs her and says,"I know.. I will scold him and I will tell mummy to scold him too. But now let's go. It is getting late." Sana shakes her head again and says,"No. You both go. I ..can't.. I won't go alone without him.."
Both Rohan and Jaanvi leave when she didn't agree to go with them. She sits alone inside the car wiping her eyes using a tissue. She doesn't care for her makeup anymore. She had taken so much care to wear a beautiful golden saree with big earnings and bangles. She had tied her hair into a bun with red roses on them. She knows Sid loves her in saree and tied hair. But now it does not matter as he is not coming to see her.
Suddenly there is another knock on the window. She says, "Please Jaanvi I am not going. I said na I won't go without Sidharth. You both please leave me alone." There is no reply from the other side of the glass apart from another knock. Sana repeats her words, this time with little irritation. Still no reply but another round of knocks. Irritated and angry, she opens the door and is about to say something when she finds him standing with his back towards her. Sana could see him clearly even in the darkness. A smile appears on her face and she gets down from her car and hugs him from behind,"Oh you came. You came. Thank you! thank you! thank you!" Sid turns to face her, his face has no expression. No hint of anger nor any sign of happiness. He is wearing a simple white shirt and a black trousers. He says,"Why are you so admant about everything? I knew you are professional, then why such unprofessionalism?" He looks at her and taking the tissue from her hand wipes away the trail of rundown mascara. He says,"I came as I have promised to be with you. I can't ditch you, that's not who I am. And I can't be what you want me to become." He extends his hand and says,"If you are okay with this Sidharth in no fancy expensive clothes, then let's go in." Sana looks at him hand and slides her hand into them. Together they enter the premiere show as a couple posing for the cameras.
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Love..💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
For those who wanted me to have a seperate book for my poems, I have come up with it.
Do check out My Words of Love- Alfaz pyar ke..